What's your opinion on calling dementia sufferers "Good girls" etc?

[MissCommando]

I used to work in a home with 30 dementia sufferers. We were only allowed to call them by their name. If the boss heard staff calling the residents love, or good girl etc, he would tell them off. I think he was right to do so.

I now work in a council home with dementia sufferers. The staff are forever calling the residents good girls and good boys - "Sit down Henry, now there's a good boy". It makes me cringe and I am not going down the route of calling an 80 odd year old a good boy or girl. Also, I am only 23 so I think it would be very patronising for me to call them a girl or a boy.

I don't think it's nice to talk to residents as though they are little children. They are grown adults and may understand more than we think.

What's your opinion?

[ethandron]

i think you're right, people should always be spoken to as if they understand everything you say.
however, there are many people who use 'good boy/girl' to elderly people without meaning to be patronising, and genuinely care for these elderly folk. it's the caring attitude that's the most important and i'd forgive a kind person for using the wrong terminology.

[missnemesis]

I think that with or without dementia these people deserve to be treated with respect and
dignity. It's patronising and condescending to call them anything other than their given names, like you say they are not children.

[LoftyLottie]

My mother hated it and I can understand why. However, it is usually well intentioned and the staff who use it are mostly caring. I do think they should call the residents by the names and not be patronising. They should however not be doing it and should be told to stop.

I absolutely agree with you Miss Commando.

My mother would also get furious at being called darling and dear as well.

[society]

I commend you, MissCommando.

[cassa333]

I agree with what has been said however like all things it depends on the individual being spoken to.

Some dementia sufferers do go through that 'second childhood' and like all children are pleased to hear a positive.

As I said it depends on the individual and shouldn't be used as a catch all for all.

[LoftyLottie]

I used to try and tell my Mum that the staff were kind and nice and that was what mattered, but she took instant dislikes to people who treated her like a child and I don't blame her.

[ummmm]

I don't know. My Nan has dementia and she calls me 'that girl who brings me tea'

Sometimes she goes quite child like. She thinks her husband is her Dad and her son is her husband. She also asks where her Mum is.

I don't call her 'good girl' but I think she'd be quite pleased if I did....before throwing the remote at my Grandad for not giving her pocket money.

[MissCommando]

I've only been working in this care home for a few weeks. When I came in, I did say to the other staff that we weren't allowed to call residents boys and girls etc where I used to work but they just looked at me as though I was odd lol!

In the old home, it was a private home and the manager was forever going on dementia courses etc. This is a council home so the manager is always in the office so doesn't see the carers with the residents.

I am tempted so speak with the manager but I am only a relief worker and don't want to be seen as a trouble maker.

I definitely won't be calling the residents names like that though just because other people do.

[ummmm]

It all comes down to the patient though. Some might find it endearing others might find it insulting...

Just in life..

[society]

" 'that girl who brings me tea' "

LOL That's quite funny, Ummm. :-)

I can just imagine her talking to your guy (lordy I forgot what you call him on here) and saying 'that girl who brings me tea' is not here today, did she send you today? lol .

[society]

yes, it's Ginger. Now I remember. hmphhhhhh

[ummmm]

Ginger?

I find it funnier when she flashes her boobs at my Grandad....and she keeps accusing people of biting her nails when she asleep.

[Goodsoulette]

I work with elderly and am forever going on courses, in some cases its appropriate and others it isn't. I think you're probably reading too much into it, now if Henry is being told to sit down because they don't want him moving then Id be more inclined to be worried about that infringement of rights than the good boy thing. We've had a big hoohah recently when someone complained about their mother watching childrens programmes but she loves them, she laughs and loves the bright colours. Im not going to turn it over when she clearly enjoys it.
Im call the people I work with love, my loverly, darling, sweetheart and at times miserable old git (followed by give us a smile). `Like Ummmms nan we have lots of residents that are going through their childhood again. Personally I try to commend the act and not the person, telling them they are doing brilliantly and that's fantastic or well done, ethel/molly etc

[society]

O gawd I'm wrong! That not your guy's name? Forgive me

Hahaha flashing boobs is quite funny. :-)

[LoftyLottie]

I think you are right Goodsoulette. Perhaps the residents though should be treated like individuals rather than giving them all the same treatment. They knew my Mum hated being patronised or called darling, but still continued to do it. Mum had a degree of dementia but she could still hold very intelligent conversations. Her main problem was that she was highly intelligent and hadn't got anybody to talk to.

[ummmm]

I call him Ginger on here...or Marty.

My Nan is really funny and she always had a heart of a child. She laughs about everything (except when Grandad doesn't give her money) and I think the home shes in call them 'darling' etc....all the residence look happy.

I'd be more concerned about the lack of visitors some of them get. Now that's sad..

[jackthehat]

I remember reading about a very elderly lady who said that the worst thing was that no-one ever used her 'given name' anymore.

She was "mum" , "gran", " auntie", "Mrs XXXXX" ...........she was thrilled when someone called her "Agnes".

[LoftyLottie]

Yes, that is sad ummmm. I used to try and pop in and see a few of the other residents when I visited my Mum (regularly and often). Mum used to get annoyed about it though, so I had to do it secretly.

[ummmm]

Agnes....that's my Nans name :-)

I don't stay at the home Lottie...I pick her up and take her out. I've yet to see another visitor there. Even though Nan doesn't really recognise us she tends to think that anyone coming to the home is there to pick her up.

[RATTER15]

Its called: "person centred care" I work in a severe dementia unit with up to 36 residents. Generally speaking talking this way to residents is frowned upon and not permitted, however in reality there are instances where these terms could be used but you really need to know the resident well.

I often call my ladies, "my darling or my love" they love it but like I said, you really need to be very familiar with that resident.

I would never treat any of them like a child and will severely reprimand anybody else doing it, we sometimes get new staff who will do this, I put them right quickly and kindly.