Unhappiness

[yellowduck]

Are you ever unhappy and don't know why? I'm a 17 year old girl, I'm doing well at school, I've got lots of really great friends, I'm not terrible looking, I've got an OK figure and I'm gonna leave school at the end of the year and have a gap year ahead of me. My parents are great even though I never appreciate them enough and I have a lovely older sister. The only things wrong in my life at the mo, are that I didn't get into oxbridge, my sister's much cleverer than me, I don't have a boyfriend and school's quite stressful. But I feel like such a grump with my parents, spoilt and not deserving of my life considering what other people have to cope with whilst still being happy. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I always pretend at school with my friends that I'm fine which just makes it worse when I come home to my parents and take it all out on them. It's almost like the real me is a horrible critical unappreciative grump, and the fake me is happy, sociable and fun. Does anyone else ever get like this for long periods of time? x x x

[Dom Tuk]

Yellowduck....you will be glad to know that most of were like that when we were that age. I was grumpy at home...took it out on my parenst and siblings and was a fake social person with my friends. Its aclled growing up.

[andy hughes]

Don't worry - your behaviour, and thoughts about it, are perfectly natrual.

This is a time of great change in your life - physically, and emotionally, and learning to deal with the different aspects of your life leads to stress levels which need an aoutlet. Parents accept this as part of the growing process, and I'm sure you know you love and aprreciate them - but when you feel better, why not remind them?

This see-saw feeling will pass, but in the mean time, go with your feelings, and try not to worry too much - your life sounds fine, and you are a balanced person. Feelings are great - they just don't always feel good, but the good outweighs the bad, so enjoy those times, to help through the bad ones.

[slimfandango]

You have to become a "con artiste". Apart from extreme cases (of manic depression, bipolar, seasonal, etc), getting down/longterm upset is part of the natural state of many people's minds, and the way out is to con yourself out of it....Don't accept the natural state your mind falls into, but avoid the zones that lead to depression (like sitting on your own staring at your navel for long periods of time) and seek out the situations that lead to happier feelings (especially hanging around the right friends, etc). This is all a learned skill, and to be honest I don't think I'd like to go back to my emotional life at 17...
Also, your mood is not independent of other people's moods....avoid exposure/association with real mopers...

[Noweia]

I know exactly how you feel!  Hormones <:(

[morg_monster]

I agree with all the other people - its all hormones / normal / you'll get over it etc.  But - you said you didn't get to oxbridge, obviously this isn't the only reason you're feeling down, but I just wanted to say that in my group of friends at school about 5 people applied to oxbridge, only one got an offer,  the 4 people who didn't did really well where they ended up, most got firsts, and the one person who did go to cambridge, she had to work so hard but still only got a 2.2, even though she could easily have gotten a first anywhere else.  I know this probably won't make much difference but i just wanted to mention it! you'll have a wicked time wherever you go, get a brilliant degree, without the extra stress of being somewhere like oxbridge.  well thats what i think anyway!

[woofgang]

nothing new to add except I remember myself at your age and what it was like. This does pass, honestly. I don't know if you can do this, but it might help to tell your Mum and or Dad what you have told us (or direct them here)

The fact that you can recognise your behaviour and the effect that it is having demonstrates what a basically nice, normal sensible person you are.

[RogK]

Great replies here. All I can add are my best wishes, yellowduck!

[Guinevere]

I felt exactly the same when I was at university: feeling dreadful but then feeling guilty for feeling dreadful, and pretending to be someone I wasn't.   I found the best way to deal with it was to do something practical, so at least I felt like I had some control over my moods.  I started eating healthily, started exercising (try going for a walk somewhere pretty) and only spent time with people that made me feel good about myself (I agree that other people have an influence on how you feel).  Only little things, but it was a start.  And it made me feel much better about myself!

[yellowduck]

Thanks so much everyone. It really helps to know that other people have felt like this. What a nice lot of people you are - you've made my day x x x