http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/ Question541222.html

[burston]

any advice please

[woofgang]

bad link can't see the q

[factor-fiction]

Links don't seem to work in the title box

[woofgang]

It doesn't work if you copy paste it into the address bar either

[boxtops]

You have to put it in the details box, burston

[jackthehat]

http://www.theanswerb...l/Question541222.html

[boxtops]

Burston - I've looked at your link. I know you are concerned but he is an adult man, he has obviously been to the doctor and is being supervised on his medication. Does he know you read his diaries? If it were me I would be horrified, my mother did this and I found it a real betrayal of our relationship - and this might be why he doesn't want to tell you anything else. I hope this doesn't sound harsh but it's my perception - I too was on antidepressants at his age.

[Prudie]

Agreed he would have got the medication from a doctor so I'm sure they discussed it fully and he is being monitored. It's one of the problems being a parent unfortunately - wanting to help one's child but he has chosen not to discuss this with you, probably trying to protect you. If it helps I had a very close relationship with my mothe but when I went through a period of severe anxiety and panic attacks in my early 20s the last person I would have told was my mum because I didn't want to worry her. She never really knew about it, even years afterwards.

[woofgang]

responded on your other question

[NOX]

When he comes home for Christmas just make sure that he's coming to a relaxed, happy, chilled out place. Possibly the last thing he is going to want to do is open up straight away about how he is or how he's feeling. Keep things matter of fact and sunny but not artificially so (hard call I know)- just try and be normal with him. You are his major support structure at the moment and the more relaxed normality you can bring to him the better so he doesn't feel under additional pressure to behave or be a certain way. I have suffered from depression and the effects of a brain injury for many years and during my darkest periods this is what has always helped me.

[wolf63]

I am Bipolar and it can be a very destructive illness.

I have found that I have lost many 'friends' over the years, these were the people who pussy footed around me, treating me like I was fragile - they over-reacted to anything that I said (the stupid throwaway comments that we all make) and any relationship will fail under such circumstances.

I now have friends who treat me as they would if I were not ill - they are sarcastic, they tell me jokes and funny stories - normal stuff. My brother and his family are good to me too - he refers to me as "crazy auntie Susan" .

Your son is ill and has been ill for some time - during this time he has worked and lived his life, he has interacted with you and his friends. He sounds like a survivor. So relax and treat him as normal - have a fun time at Christmas.

Try looking at this website to see if there is anything that might help you understand.

http://www.mdf.org.uk/?o=56878

Remember this is not the end of the world - give him the chance to talk but don't push things.

Have fun at Christmas.

[karenmac60]

My sister went through really bad depression when she was at uni, and she had a couple of suicide attempts. When my parents found out about it all they treated her as if she would break - to the extent that they threw out all painkillers and other medicines and even bic razors. She hated the pressure this put on her to appear cheery and 'normal' all the time, and that every time she walked into a room they would stop their whispered conversations. I know they were worried sick about her, but by treating her differently they made her not want to come home at all and her depression would always get worse around holidays when she knew she was going to have to spend all her time reassuring them - plus she would get really annoyed at having to spend the whole time with hairy legs!!! It sounds trite, but it did drive her up the wall. Just keep calm, don't snoop on your son or treat him differently, and be there for him if he chooses to come to you - but don't force it. He will get better and it will probably be a source of pride for him later that he did it without having to run to mum and dad for help. He's a grown man and he needs space to sort himself out - which he appears to be doing.

[burston]

Thanks everbody for your help. Hello Boxtops. Yes he knows Ive read his diaries. I told him after I discovered his tablets about 2 years ago. I told him I broke down and cried at the time. It was awful reading them. He didnt seem to mind.

We feel we need to some advice from someone professional about this. Are there any organisations we can contact ?

For those of you who have been through this situation, I hope everything is ok now and you luck and thanks for giving us hope

[wolf63]

The link that I gave you above is for the Manic Depression Fellowship - the 'old' name for the illness. They print many leaflets, some are aimed at the person who has the illness and some for carers/friends/family.

I hope that you all have as stress-free Christmas as is possible.

Susan

[burston]

Thanks wolf63. I will have a look at the link.

Have a good christmas all

[rowanwitch]

good answers Wolf...