Does the "let's be friends" thing ever work?

[steve100100]

My ex-girlfriend, who lives overseas, dumped me the last time I went to see her. She said she just wants to be friends. This was 4 months ago. We are still in touch but it's not working out for me. I'm still in love with her and I still think about her all the time. But she talks to me like I'm just another friend. I'm never going to see her again. It might be easier for me to cease contact and move on. I don't think I can just be friends with her. It's got to be all or nothing. What do you think? Any advice is appreciated. I don't know what to do.

[tartanwiz]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. After our split, I still loved her and as a matter of fact I still do, even though I'll never see her again.  I'm sorry to say this, but if you're like me you'll just get emotional and keep sending her love mail and she won't like it, so just quit and move on.

[secretspirit]

I think you already know the right answer, do what's best for you and cut the ties. It would be hard to get on with your future if you're still in contact.

[Hgrove]

Saying "let's be friends" is her way of feeling better about leaving you.  I don't think it will work.  I wish you the best in this difficult situation.

[The Tiggster]

Poor you steve100100. I agree totally with the other answers & you should move on. Long distance relationships are not easy, even when both parties are wanting to continue.

I think you know deep down that she is trying to cut ties gently which I guess is her way of coping with the guilt. Focus your emotions on getting back on your feet & trying to occupy your time with something else, new hobby, club, friends etc. Try not to focus on the good points as you will pine forever at that rate. But do give yourself some time to recover.

Good luck. x 

[KittyGlitter]

It might prolong the agony if you remain friends, as you may hope that you get back together one day and you'll be living in hope without moving on with your life. I think its very healthy that you are confronting your emotions head on and admitting how you feel. I'm sure some people would kid themselves into remaining friends on the basis of friendship when really, love is at the core. "Let's be friends" can either mean, "I'm letting you down gently" as Hygrove mentioned or they genuinely want the friendship. But can a friendship be healthy when one person is in love with the other? Sounds like a recipe for heartache. Best wishes with whatever you decide x

[andy hughes]

Nothing to add to the previous responses - except agreement. Friendship can work after love, but only after a 'suitable' length of time, and that depends on both of you. Your partner has obviously got over you, and you equally obviously have not got over her. Time to cut ties, move on, and start the healing process. It will hurt, but never as much or as long as your unrequited feelings for her.

[natalie_1982]

I've never stayed friends with any of my ex's, in fact I rarely see them.  I, personally, wouldn't feel comfortable if my boyfriend was friends with an ex of his either.  I'm with the majority, cut all ties and try to move on, you'll feel better in the long run.

[OBonio]

I tried once.  For my own sanity, I wrote her a letter asking her politely not to contact me again.  Unless she wanted to get back together of course.  It's hard, but it had to be done.

[Cockney_si]

I've never had this work, even with my last relationship I had to telll her I could not see her ever again.  It's a tough thing to do and obviously you would always be there for her if she really needed help. but that doesn't mean you are now an agony ucle for her emotional turmoil with any new relationships she has made a mess of.

Sometimes the best things that happen are those we don't plan for. Chance encounters are never accidents.  Fate brings certain people together for specific reasons.

Get out there and find someone you are happy with!

[Little Lady]

I split up with my ex nearly a year ago, it had been a nealry 4 years we were together but the last 6 months i wanted out and tried many a time to get out but he said he would change etc. Which never happens. i broke it off and was plagued he still wanted to be friends but i couldn't i knew he would always want more so we never saw each other again till a few months ago i was up town, he said that wasn't a very nice way of splitting up with me, i almost laughed, so what exaclty is anice way of splitting up with someone he looked abit glum then went away. I never felt anything after i split with him which was really odd so i was obviosly preparing myself before it without even knowing. I'm now in another relationship and very happy im not sure about him but i know he found it harder than me. I'm not sorry i did it as i would have made myself more and more unhappy the longer i stayed with him. i would say cut the ties i know it will be really hard and you wont be able to not think about her but it's the only way you can move on. You obviously came together for a reason know you must move on from it and also learn from it thats what relationships are all about learing about yourself afterall....Good luck.....

[landie]

The short answer is, No, it doesn't.