Memory loss (due to stress)

[Oneeyedvic]

My wife's uncle died just over a week ago and my wifes brother was very close to him - he has had cancer for the last year so it wasn't unexpected. It has become a little more stressful as he died intestate (a day before he was due to sign his will).

My brother in law phoned me this morning in a right state as he had gone to phone his uncle to be told BT his wife that he had died last week - it seems he can't remember the events of the last week.

My brother in law is 67 and highly educated. Any thoughts or advice please

[BetteK]

I can only say what happened to me but Iost my memory after losing my mom. It was a very stressful period leading up to her death and whilst her actual death was peaceful and serene I was still deeply traumatised by it and at one stage was unable to even tell someone my name.
Despite having a fabulous husband and wonderful, wonderful family and my daddy is stil here my life fell apart and changed dramatically.
The initial loss was short term - slowly, slowly it began to improve but even now I struggle with things I'd have found easy before - this is one of the reasons I have suddenly gone "quiz-mad" ... after Christmas I decided I had to do something to try and improve things and as I now rarely leave the house these seemed the solution. I always loved quizzes and crosswords before losing mommy but for at least a year was unable to do any. It is now four and a half years since she went and things do get better but I was totally unprepared for memory loss.
Our nephew died two years ago and his parents have had similar memory loss so I think it is all tied up with grief and bereavement.
My thoughts go to you and your brother in law and I know you will, somehow, get through this very dark time but it is a long and wearing road.
Best wishes to you all.

[brenda]

Oneeye----yes stress ,shock . grief can all cause memory problems , often of a temporary nature.When my partner entered residential care permanently 2 years ago , I experienced loss of memory .To be honest I didn't know really what planet I was on.

It was as though I was on automatic pilot , nothing meant anything , couldn't remember
recent things --- dreadful.

I was fortunate in having family and friends who accepted me for how I was , and realise now after 2 years that all was caused by grief , loss, guilt, a feeling of betrayal

[brenda]

Sorry -- continued---

and a sense of failure.

A way that has helped me is to ensure that I focus on me for some part of the day, I keep active , getting out with my little dog , walk round the garden, and concentrate on eating properly.
I also worked hard at keeping things as normal as possible , having a routine , seeing friends , even when I really don't want to .Doing jigsaws , crosswords anything to keep the mind busy.
It has taken me a long time to get back to normal and it has been very hard--- but you can do it.
Please convey my sincere thoughts to your family-- time and personal effort are great healers.Brenda.

[Oneeyedvic]

Thanks guys - he is a bit down at the moment ,but is coming down to spend the weekend with us next week. THe funeral is on Tuesday, so hopefully things might calm down a bit after that

[BetteK]

Hello Oneeye ... I think you are in a kind of limbo inbetween a death and the funeral so your brother-in-law is bound to be feeling mixed up and confused - as, I am sure, all of you are.
One of my "best friends" said to me that mommy's death was not as bad as her losing her husband because mommy's death was "expected" and her husband died very suddenly and her comment just added to the pain. SO don't expect to feel any "better" because your wife's uncle had been poorly. ANY death is traumatic and painful and just knocks the wind out of your sails.

Goodness knows, this is something we all have to face but we sure are unprepared for it, aren't we?

If ANYTHING is to come out of the last four and a half years since losing mommy then it is so I can answer your query here and suggest that the memory loss is all part and parcel of losing someone and whilst everyone reacts in different ways it is still pretty frightening to not even remember your name.

Sorry if I have repeated anything I said in my previous message but I have been thinking of you all over the weekend and wishing you well.