Is it okay to not like PDA's?

[extra1234]

When I am out with my boyfriend in a group of friends, I prefer acting like we are just friends and chat to the rest of the group because I am a very shy, awkward and self concious person, however he says it makes him feel bad about himself as its as if im embarassed to be with him. I understand that and I feel bad about making him feel this way however now he says i have to change or we have to break up. I don't know if i can change as its just the way I am but every time we go out he tells me how annoying I am and i know its because im hurting him but I dont know what to do. Ive explained it doesnt mean i dont like him but he says its embarassing for him and makes him feel bad about himself.

[homedeeth]

what is a PDA?

[andy-hughes]

I can't understand why your boyfriend feels that your loack of public affection makes him'feel bad about himself'.

If people don;t feel like kising etc. in public, then fine, i fail to see there is a problem.

If your boyfriend feels he has to demonstrate to all and sundry that you are together by PDA's, then that is down to his insecurity.

If he is threatening you with breaking up unless you change, then let him go ahead.

This man is too controling, and if he has no more repsect for you than to allow for your feelings, he is not the boyfriend for you.

Ditch him, and find someone who is worthy of your time and attention, and who will understand your prefectly reasonable desire to save your affection for your private times.

[andy-hughes]

hmedeth - it stands for Public Display Of Affection.

[redman41]

If you were my girlfriend and you felt embarassed about being my girlfriend I would have walked away from you ages ago !

[hc4361]

Some people are reserved and act with restrained dignity, others don't.

Some couples only show affection to each other when they are with a group - a way of stamping their ownership on each other and showing off.

You are the way you are and that's that. You can't fit a round peg in a square whole.

[andy-hughes]

redman41 - extra1234 did not say she feels embarassed to be with her boyfriend, she said it is how he feels, which is not the same thing at all.

If you were her boyfriend, and you offered the same level of empathy and understanding as the current encumbent, I'd offer her the same advice!

[homedeeth]

if you can't steal a quick kiss with him infront of your mates or put your arm round him i'd say you're embarrassed to be seen with him

[redman41]

Anyone embarassed about being in my company would be given down the Banks in no uncertain terms !!!!

[wiggal]

Have to agree with Redhelen on this one I think.

Although people dont always like public displays and that, acting and treating him like you are just friends is pushing it a bit far.

[extra1234]

Maybe i am wrong, and I think I probably am, but how am I meant to change it? I am a really really awkward and self concious person so I feel embarassed to act like that in front of people and I dont know how I can sort that out

[hc4361]

How old are you?

[extra1234]

19

[snags]

extra1234... are you comfortable with openly showing him affection when you are alone together?

[jackthehat]

Go for an evening out somewhere well away from your usual circle of friends. Make sure you spend the evening holding his hand over the table, etc, and really looking *at* him when he speaks. Tune everyone else out...........they aren't going to be in the least bit interested in you. You have to realise that any embarrassment you feel won't kill you. Hopefully, you'll start to feel that you can, at least, touch him in public without fear.

[extra1234]

yeah its fine when we are alone, its just in groups

[jackthehat]

You're spending too much time in groups, then............

[ummmm]

I used to be like that...

[pastafreak]

Showing your feelings for someone-even if restrained-should be open and natural.
You say you don't want to 'act like that'-which sounds as if you feel you are being phoney by being affectionate with him.
Is he your first BF? if you've had others-how did you behave with them?
He may feel bad because he sees how you act with him as a reflection of your relationship...he may worry that you are not proud to be with him.

[Prudie]

Surely you could stay by his side more of the time, perhaps link his arm at least when in company. Being able to chat with all the rest of the group doesn't suggest you are shy and awkward. From his point of view he might think that you want the others to think you are single and available and can well understand why he's feeling bad about it.