Taking care of one's appearance to retain the spark in a relationship

[dave50]

I sometimes see couples where one of them obviously takes care of themselves by dressing smart and keeping slim and active but their partner is overweight and seems not to be bothered what they look like. Does anyone think that the ones who aren't bothered are risking their partner straying? If they cant be bothered to make an effort for their other half then surely they are asking for trouble. Yes I know it shouldnt matter etc but it does and we like to see our partners make an effort, surely it shows they care.

[cazzz1975]

sometimes neglecting your own appearance can be as a result of depression or something going on.. and I mean seriously neglecting, not just wearing clothes for comfort, rather than immediately rushing off to find a clean and smart person in which to embark on an affair, I would rather concentrate on trying to help and be supportive.

shallowness is a very ugly trait.

[shaneystar2]

haha..so do I ratter.
I have to admit to slouching about indoors in comfortable clothes .But they are clean and I do shower or bath every day and certainly brush my hair .
We can't all tit about in silk blouses with low cleavages and high heels .
I'm sure after all these years Mr S isn't bothered what I look like as long as I don't stink :)

[Captin Kirk]

Will get some stick for this and it is an opinion based purely on anecdotal evidence but the majority are probably where the male appearance is smarter than the female.

Plenty of reasons why of course.

[Prudie]

I think if a partner's going to stray they are going to anyway irrelevant what their current partner's appearance is - they might just use it as justification after the event however. Beautiful people get left, hurt and trampled on the same as plain (or dirty!) ones.

[starone]

If you are fat you just have to stand by someone even fatter and then you look quite slim. Just remember dave, that opposites often attract and that some men - and women - like fat people. I always think of Sophia Loren in this context. There she was one of the most beautiful women in the world married to Carlo Ponti (I think that was his name) a short fat balding man who she was obviously very fond of and quite proud of the fact. And it wasn't money because she had plenty of her own.

[LoftyLottie]

One of the most beautiful girls I know who used to be a friend, tall and elegant and really striking married a fat little scruffy market trader. They were besotted with each other.

Looks really don't matter. There has to be some sort of chemistry, but it certainly isn't based on looks.

And I really would hate to live with a man who always looked smart - holey jeans and T shirts/polo shirts are fine with me.

[Captin Kirk]

Billy Joel / Christy Brinkley!

[puddle-duck]

I agree with cazzz1975 there could be many hidden reasons why. Could also come down to what each individual prefers, You see 2 people one overweight the other slim, could just be that the slim one prefers to be with someone large. It does happen.

[joeluke]

Confucius he say.......man whose woman neglects her appearance is prime candidate to stray

How difficult is it to make an effort for your man?

[Euphemia]

and vice versa?

[boxtops]

JL, why should a woman make an effort for a man, if the man makes no effort, just grows a beer belly - which is one of the most unfetching things known to woman? It works both ways!

[joeluke]

Yes I agree it works both ways.....people can tend to get in a rut and take their OH for granted

[boxtops]

JL - now I do agree with that. You have to work at it - both of you.

[Carakeel]

Sometimes, when we go shopping, ratter can look a bit of a mess as he has been working in the garden, building the summer house etc. To be honest, it really doesn't bother me. I am so proud of him as a person and so proud to be his OH, I am always happy to be seen with him, no matter what he is wearing. Yes, if we are going out for a meal and he hasn't noticed that his t-shirt is full of doggie slobber, paint or garden mud etc., then I will point it out to him and suggest he changes his t-shirt. Unless he has been out working in the garden, he is usually casually dressed and in clean clothes anyway. But our relationship is not dependent on his dressing to impress, that is for sure!

[Carakeel]

I think I am probably a bit more fussy about my appearance than my ratter is about his. As a child I was taught to take care of my appearance, without going overboard! :o)

[tillyh345]

Its not all about looks, what about personality, mutual attraction, chemistry, you cant help who u fall in love with, this is from someone who was married for 30 years to a good looking man, but had an affair and eventually ran off with an overweight not particularly good looking chap, but they are very happy. Good Sex she says!! and he treats her like a princess.

[dave50]

Most of you are missing my point. If both are happy to slouch around then thats fine, no problem and yes I know opposites can attract. It's when over time one lets themselves go just because they feel they don't need to 'try' anymore and have become lazy but the other half still takes pride in their appearance then that's when problems may start. I think both should continue to make an effort for their partner and continue to do so however long they have been together.

[craft1948]

Considering what the first Mr Craft married after me he can't have been bothered about appearances............

[Davethedog]

If the person you love is just the facade your not in love, are you. The important thing is not to take your partner for granted.

[pa___ul3]

Dave, I think you answered your own question, I'm guessing you're talking long term relationships, where both parties no each other inside out, then I'm sure if one parties feels that the other places a high level of importance on everyday appearance, they would do that to keep the other happy. But the fact is a lot of people don't, a lot of people put more emphasis on other areas and a tip-top everyday appearance isn't as necessary, or you know that your partner would rather you were relaxed and comfotable around them.
If it came down to just complete lack of consideration for what the other person felt then it's not just about looking good, the problem is far more deep rooted.

Oh and everyone missed the Ashley / Cheryl Cole example.. I mean I'm not Chezzas biggest fan but she's a good looking lass, and the 3rd party was a munt!