help. awkward sitution.

[betty-boop]

me and my fiance have a 2 month old baby boy. we have been rowing lots lately cos he doesn't help me out with our son but still drinks. last night we had a huge row cos he was drinking again, and i went to bed. today, i (and i know this was very wrong) read his facebook messages, he was chatitng to a girl from his work, he told her that he thought he was gonna be single soon as we weren't getting on, then he asked her to meet up him. she said no. after she rejected him he made out it was a joke. i know i was in the wrong to read his messages, but i was just generally being nosy, how do i bring this up with him? it's awkward cos i know im in the wrong too, but for completely different reasons. I can't believe he would ask another woman to meet up with him. it makes me wonder what would have happened had she not said no. even worse, i feel humiliated as i saw this lady today so she's probaly having a good old laugh at me.

[VHG]

Dont bring up the subject of facebook and the other lady (dont give him any ammunition to have a go at you).

Concentrate on your relationship with him, his drinking, and his lack of help.

If you can sort those out he may not need to go looking elsewhere.

I was married to an alcoholic and know how drinking can ruin a relationship and make the other person difficult to live with. If he carries on drinking your relationship is only going to get worse I am afraid.

Unfortunately the arrival of a young baby can have a great impact on a relationship as the mother (mostly) has to look after the baby and the male partner can feel left out or ignored.

Tell him if he does more work round the house that will make you less tired and you can then spend more "quality" time with him.

This is a delicate situation and he wont welcome it if he feels you are "having a go at him" (that will just drive him to more drink and into the arms of another woman).

Discuss your relationship with him quietly and without "blame" (and DONT mention facebook or the other woman).

[ummmm]

Doubt she'll be laughing at you. She's more likely to think he's a complete twonk.

[NOX]

Since she knocked him back she won't be laughing at you, as Ummm says she doubtless thinks he's a class one lowlife and loser. As VHG says, try to address the other problems before you move on to the facebook thing, assuming you don't feel you're better off without him, but he does sound as though he needs a massive wake up call.

[cathfromsaron]

the way i see it, the womanising its a symptom not a cause of the problem!

and i doubt the woman will mention it or mock you!

i would concentrate on the cause of his drinking and lack of commitment, in a constructive, non-judgemental way IF i wanted to keep going?

[ummmm]

Do you have his password? Or did he leave it logged in?

[Smowball]

ummm, i was in a similar position (looking where I shouldnt) and you gave me some great advice. I feel for betty as there is nothing worse then seeing something you shouldnt have been looking at.Betty - were these messages read when he had had a drink or when sober??

[grasscarp]

If you two are rowing then you are probably both quite unhappy. I wouldnt mention what you found out. It will only spark another row and only make him more adept at covering up his tracks. You need to sort out your relationship with him so that he doesnt look elsewhere. Not easy at the moment as you may well be suffering from post natal depression. Are your family helping you with the new baby and do you get the chance to have a few hours off yet?

[ummmm]

I think if he left it logged in then betty can excuse the snooping.

It's a very difficult scenario to just let go. How is someone suppose to work on their relationship with the doubts that are now in her head. I know I couldn't...

But, there is a chance that he wanted to meet up with her because he needs someone to talk to.