could it be bipolar depression?

[peason77]

hello.Just wondering if anyone has any info on this. I've been seeing someone for years on and off. Once a year he withdraws from me into 'a black hole' finishes with me then reappears approx weeks later with a casual text, and weaves his way into my life again. anyway each time he distances himself i can see it coming on. He becomes very withdrawn, subdued, preoccupied, cold (i'm pretty sure no other woman is involved) but this last time his sex drive disappeared. This left me feeling perhaps it was me, but a friend commented on his patterns of dropping in and out of my life and mentioned bipolar depression. I know he's not been formally diagnosed with this, but i do know bipolar is in the family. I'm wondering if this is the reason for his irratic behaviour. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

[murraymints]

Sounds like a possibility...is he using anything chemical based that he really ought not to?

[cathfromsaron]

medically it could easily be depression, but to diagnose bipolar a doctor would want to know, how 'high' are his 'highs' and what does he do?

without 'highs' its either just depression or a social cause (eg. he thinks you are any port in a storm) ...

btw MIND have a great website, with help for concerned others!

cath x

[peason77]

i don't know murraymints, i'd say no, but i don't live with him so who knows? I thought depression too, but it seems weird it comes every six or 7 months. He doesn't necessarily have highs, but his highs are what i call normal adult behaviour if you see what i mean, then i sense a dip in his mood, which escalates to a black intense place. Believe it or not i'm quite intelligent (i think lol)but when he's in a black mood he seems disatisfied with 'normal' conversations and wants to discuss deep matters. Then he disappears, leaving me thinking, is that it now? or will he be back and if so how do i deal with it. Thanks Cath for your website suggestion.

[China Doll]

Is there a certain time of year this occurs? I'm thinking SAD if it's wintery and dark. It doesn't sound very much like bi-polar as I understand it.

Are you sure he doesn't just get bored, go off to see if the grass is greener, finds out it's not and comes back no harm done as you let him back in to your life? I don't wish to sound harsh/mean, I'm just wondering if this is a possibility.

[peason77]

you don't sound harsh china doll, its fine. It could be sad, but its happened in the summer too, so i'm thinking not. I don't think its a case of the grass is greener either, you may think me foolish for saying that but he is a loner and a recluse so i get the impression it is just me. Actually I'm in a bit of a dilemma and i wouldn't mind suggestions.........on the night he broke up with me he walked out of my house and locked me in and took my house keys. I'd like my keys back really, i can't afford to have my locks changed, and i don't fear him but i don't like the idea of anyone having my keys. I gave him all his belongings back that night, but find it strange that he kept hold of my keys (he knew he had them because he locked me in!)i'm not contacting him, of that much i'm determined, i don't want him thinking i'm looking for a reason to contact him, still it bugs me why he would do such a thing. Its not hard for him to post them if he doesnt want to see me. Weird! lol

[China Doll]

Eat tinned soup for two weeks and get the locks changed! :c)

Seriously, look at your finances, see if you can compromise anywhere and save to get your locks changed and in the mean time, chub lock the door or put the chain on or something.

[joko]

if hes gone over xmas...has he perhaps got a secret family he doesnt want you ot know about but that he has to spend a lot of time with?

or is he just trying to get out of buying you gifts and speeding time with your family?

[peason77]

no, no secret family, i've met his children (all nearly adults) his friends and his dad, i don't think he'd be able to pull the secret family thing off and he never buys gifts, i accepted that, so he's not getting out of the xmas thing either. I never included him in my celebrations and he was happy with that. He sounds like a bag of fun doesn't he?! lol

[kevanswerbank]

I just heard on the Radio 4 appeal this morning that it takes on average 10 years to diagnose Bipolar Disorder. Anyway, to seek advice from Bipolar UK seems like a good idea.