no word from the ex, but another man has asked me out, what do i do?

[peason77]

well it's been nearly a week since i received the letter from my ex and i haven't heard from him, so maybe it was a genuine sorry. I met a man at the weekend who my friends know and tell me he's lovely. He wants to take me out for dinner. I really don't know whether it's just too soon for me. I'd like a male friend but i don't want to hurt him, neither do i want to use him as a speedy way to get over my ex, he doesn't deserve it. Nobody does. Yet i got on well with him. Is my ex likely to resurface? if you guys and gals think he is manipulating me with his letter,(see previous post) is it just too messy to go out for a meal with another man? I don't want to hurt anyone, but i'm frightened of any repercussions. If my ex hears of me seeing another man, is it likely to set him off on one or leave me alone? Blimey, i never make things easy! ( i must state that my daughter will not be introduced or see any man associated with me for a long time, i would NEVER do that to her), i also need to say i don't make a habit of seeing lots of men. I've only dated 3 in my life! thanks for your advice x

[jackthehat]

Why not lay your cards on the table with the 'new' man?

Tell him friendship is fine but you can't promise him anything more, at the moment.

And just ignore your ex......if he comes over all 'dog in a manger'. It's time for you to move on and this seems like a good opportunity to set the wheels in motion!

Good luck. :o)

[jno]

you don't have to put your life on hold. By all means go out to dinner; it doesn't commit you to anything. Your life wouldn't be blighted because you ended up with a new friend. Take it easy, no rush, but you're entitled to enjoy yourself without worrying about what your ex would think. He's an ex.

[andy-hughes]

I'd agree with the last two posts - dinner is just that - dinner - it implies nothing, it guarentees nothing, it is simply a nice social occasion, and it sounds like you need a nice evening out.

[Gavmacp]

Dear Peason,
You appear to be one of lifes 'Placaters'. I was and eventually found out that YOU are the only person that really suffers.
Do something, just for you, no one else.

[NOX]

It's only dinner- there can be NO harm in eating one meal with someone, then just see how you get on. don't make dramas for yourself where there are none, enjoy people's company and if it's right then it'll happen and if it isn't it won't. Relax.

[grasscarp]

If you hold back waiting for the perfect ready moment it will never come. You have been asked out. You are free to go and should take the opportunity. Why are you talking about hurting people? Nobody is getting hurt. It is a date nothing more."If me ex hears of me seeing another man". You describe him as your ex. That means he is part of your past and not your present. Please move on.

[peason77]

thankyou very much. Yes, once again you are right. I have been honest with him, as much as i could be heard in a pub with a loud band playing in the background! Dinner is just that, and it is nice, i could count on my one hand the amount of times somebody has asked me out for dinner. I usually hide in the background, so maybe its time to step out of the dark. We're texting each other at the mo which is nice because i get to know a little about him, without the date. I just live in fear that the next text will be off my ex and it'll get messy. Chin up time i think. After all, whats the worst that can happen? x

[China Doll]

It's nothing to do with your ex. Texts can be ignored.

[jakep]

A life lived in fear is a life half lived. Not my words but from the film Strictly Ballroom. I lived in fear for many years. It's not easy but you have to change your mindset. Ex means gone, past, over. Please try not to give him any more of your head space. Dinner with a new friend is great - go for it.

[murraymints]

And have a pudding too !!!! live dangerously...

[murraymints]

BTW...I hope you ripped that letter up into a million pieces....get out there and start living...

[pizza]

Type Your Answer Here...

[pizza]

You go out girl and have fun!! you're not leading this guy on you have been honest and it's just dinner and some adult company if it works yippee if not nothing lost.
Your daughter is a lucky girl having you has a mum some dont give their kids a thought .
Wish you all the best x

[Zhukov]

reading your letter peason77 - I think you know which course to take - personally I would start with the Lobster..lol..share the bill with your new admirer..and others have said,Live and let live! :)

[DTCwordfan]

as JTH said upfront. lay your cards out before you head off to dinner and enjoy the night out.

I did that with a young lady I met about three months after separating and just into the divorce proceedings and we had a lovely evening - and no sex by the way, even though we had a coffee chez elle.....that would have been going too far at that time.

A platonic friendship can develop and if it becomes more down the line, so be it, and the relationship will stand more chance of succeeding.

[moiflan]

jeezz....get out there girl!Have fun.3 dates isn't a lot so just enjoy yourslf while you can.

[anneasquith]

why dont you change your phone number, then ex cant txt you ?

[old-wos-is-name]

If you think you want to get back with your ex, then tread carefully, if not, enjoy yourself, life is short and should not be wasted waiting for something that may never happen.

[nannybooby]

Your ex is just that an ex .
You seem clued up about your daughter and so as stated go to dinner andbe straight about your past say its early days and you need to take time. If hes a good bloke he'll understand, taying locked indoors will do you no good. and two fingers to the ex ,he lost all rights to tell you what to do or what he expected when he walked.I found saying to my ex when he rang up having a shouting match "goodbye ,this is why we dont live together anymore" put the phone down and then go for a walk, it made me feel in control of my life.