Time to find himself?!!

[katangel29]

I am completely heartbroken. My boyfriend of two years has just broken up with me over the phone. He says he needs space and wants a week or two to clear his head.

I told him he can have all the space he needs but surely we don't have to split up but he insisted he needs time to himself and he honestly doesn't know if he'll still want to be with me afterwards.

What are the chances that he'll want to be with me after? He said we can still text a few times and he might even pop round for a cup of tea in the meantime which has just confused me.

He does work hard so was knackered alot of the time so I tried saying how he feels might be because of that cos one of his reasons was he never gets any 'me' time as he's either knackered or with me!!

I'm so confused right now, any advice :(

[Gavmacp]

Something that someone told me once that made sense is, have many things in your life. If you have just work and relationship in your life and you loose one it is a great loss. But if you have work, friends, hobbies, interests, exercise, relationship etc in your life and you loose one then not such a great loss.
Relationships will come and go. Take time to find what you want out of life and be the best you can be!!!
Much love,
Gavin

[Voulez-vous]

Let him go.

Just let him do it.

The chances he will want you back are greater if you just leave him alone for now. Hard as it is, I would give him space.

[ladybirder]

If it's not right for him, how can it be right for you?

[karenmac60]

I agree with Voulez vous. Sometimes a bit of space can be a really good thing. Leave him be and concentrate on you for a while. Catch up with friends, do all the things you keep putting off in order to spend time with him. In short, find you. And who knows - maybe he'll want you back - maybe you won't want him! Or maybe you'll both have benefitted from a break and be glad to be together but with your own lives and interests outwith the relationship.

[Maydup]

As you say, he needs some me" time. By suggesting you both text occasionally indiates his desire to keep in touch rather than cut all contact. So let him have that time that he needs and make use of it yourself. Try to be positive and do some things you don't do when he's around. Sport, fitness class, cinema with a girl friend, lunch with an elderly neighbour or relative, weekend away,whatever it might be and give him space to properly enjoy it.

That way when you text each other you will have new things to talk and you might find the relationship richer for it.

[kat-kin]

katangel, my ex hubby said the same thing to me after 30 years of marriage. It came as a complete suprise as he left on my birthday. I thought it was a mid life crisis and maybe he would come back but he's far happier away from me and our children so I divorced him. Needless to say both our adult children wont have anything to do with him as he never bothers with them. I hope things go your way but if not,try to move on. kat.

[VHG]

If you have been going out for 2 years, and he breaks up from you over the phone, then he is either a coward, or you dont have as good a relationship with him as you think.

Sorry to say this, but people who say they need space have actually often met someone else, so prepare yourself for that.

As others have said, just leave him alone and make NO attempt to contact him.

If he thinks you dont care or are not interested then he is more likely to miss you than if you constantly hassle him with phone calls and texts.

Fill your life with other things and wait and see if he comes back.

[B00]

I'd translate his "me time" to really mean "I've got someone else"

[rowanwitch]

Its often the cowards way of walking away in my book... they may justify it to them selves saying it hurts the other person less than saying I have met someone else but all it is really is an attempt to minimise an angry response. He might go away and realise it was you he wanted but don't hold your breath Get out there take time to rebuild your own life and take each day as it comes. One thing though I certainly would have no tme for someone who would do it over the phone.

[Old_Geezer]

Difficult. I'm tempted to say that if he's given it sufficient thought to decide he wants a break and build up the nerve to say so (even if it was over the phone !) then the chances are he's committed and a reunion is unlikely. It's not as if you've both discussed it beforehand and agreed a trial separation or anything. But I'm sure others can tell tales of how it all came back together for them. But I suspect the odds are against it.

But there is little you can do. You might try talking it over again. You might hold out hope for a month or two. Ultimately though, my suspicion is that he's made a decision for his life and you best mourn for a while on the loss and then move on.

But fingers crossed for you anyway.

[ludwig]

It's very likely he's found someone else. You need to just let him do what he wants, as hard as that may be.

[Dee Sa]

sorry but I agree with boo, he has probably met someone else and hasnt got time or energy to keep two on the go once.

[bednobs]

he wants to split up and mistakenly thinks it'll hurt less to do it like this. Sorry

[joeluke]

He's found someone else, he just hasn't got the guts to admit it

"It's not you it's me"

[vodkancoke]

Sorry wrong thread!

[Prudie]

It seems tough what the others say but the only time that excuse was used to me was my husband and he did have someone else.

[jd_1984]

I have been the guy in this scenario.
I believed the relationshiop wasnt healthy for us anymore BUT still loved her in a way. I tried to be brave for both of us as thought in the long run we would both realise that we were better off apart.
I did it all wrong though, trying to still be a friend to her and make sure she was doing ok etc.... This confused her and gave false hope that we would one day be together again. I learnt that once you know a relationship is over, you make a clean break no matter how hard and EVENTUALLY you do move on, trust me