Am i being unreasonable?

[breadstick]

My girlfriend has a male friend who she goes for coffee and shopping with a couple of times a week, he is single.


This irritates me and i really cant help it, its not that i think she would cheat with him but its more if people i know see them out together i get the "ooh i seen your gf with another man the other night having coffee" snide remarks,

i had female friends when i was single but since being in a relationship i have explained to them that it wouldnt be right to be out with them,

I really dont like this person my gf sees so there is no hope of talking it through with him, i cant pretend to like him.

am i being selfish?

[EvianBaby]

Yes. You are.

[ummmm]

Yes.

Why do you think it wouldn't be right to go out with your female friends?

[woofgang]

You have a choice. 1. Put up with it. 2. decide its a dealbreaker and walk.

[EvianBaby]

I have a few male friends (no question of ever being more than that) who will always suddenly stop talking to you the minute they get a girlfriend. It's really p1sses me off.

[MissCommando]

No I don't think you're being selfish, you can't help your feelings. Best not to say anything about it though, or maybe you could invite her to the cinema or restaurant on the day she normally meets up with her friend lol?

[Graham-W]

Yes. You are being selfish, but I can understand your jealousness. A good relationship is based on trust and early in a relationship trust has to be earned. When you realise that your girlfriend is not going to have an affair with every man she has a cup of coffee with you are beginning to gain trust in her and your relationship will move to the next level.
The same goes for you. Can you not trust yourself to have female friends without it going further than friendship? Perhaps that's the problem. You look at yourself and think your girlfriend is just the same as you.
Like I said, until you can trust each other, you can't move on to the next level.

[jno]

going for coffee with a member of the opposite sex is normal (and I don't see why you shouldn't do it too). Going shopping with them is kind of unusual, though. Any reason why it's not you she's shopping with?

[EvianBaby]

Why would shopping with them be unusual?

[breadstick]

she just goes mad when i mention it so i will just accept i am being selfish and put up with it,


i am not pretending to be happy about it though

[EvianBaby]

How long have you been together?

[ummmm]

Sounds more insecure than selfish.

[MissCommando]

I wouldn't be best pleased about the situation really. When I met my OH, he lived in a shared house and was quite friendly with one of the girls there. I think her nose was pushed out of joint when he met me, but he wanted to spend all his time with me (those were the days lol).

I think you're best not saying anything negative about their friendship as it will make her cross with you and you don't want her telling her friend. He may try and wind you up, or see her more knowing it annoys you.

Just say that he's not your type of person if your gf mentions him. I would try and bite your tongue and just don't mention their outings at all!

Do you live together? How long have you been together? Is her friend nice to you or do you think his nose was pushed out when your gf met you?

[EvianBaby]

Looking at your other question it seems like you changed your mind about what you wanted and to be honest if my boyfriend of less than two months tried to control who I was friends with I'd go mad too.

You said you weren't ready for a relationship in your other thread so maybe you should just knock it on the head for a while.

[AlwaysConfused]

I hate shopping, so if my husband chose to hit the shops with a female friend, I'd be grateful!!!

If you ignore the situation, your GF may think you don't care about her. If you probe too much, she may rebel! It's awkward, Trust is the basis of a relationship. Offer to take her out shopping, spoil her!?!

[friedgreentomato]

Do you know that I have an urge as soon as I see the title 'am I being unreasonable' to say yes without reading the question!!

I have read the question and yes you are being unreasonable - I suspect its because you don't like the bloke , your a big boy ignore the snide remarks

[woofgang]

I just read your other question and the phrase "I want my cake and eat it" comes to mind.

and yes FGM, when I see "am I being unreasonable?" I too think that the answer is likely to be "yes"

[friedgreentomato]

lol woof glad its not just me?

[breadstick]

ok ok dont shout at me lol

[beso]

Move on. You and your girlfriend have different values and it isn't going to work out.

[ummmm]

Nonsense, Beso, things get sorted in the end, hopefully.