Relationship Problems

[chris552]

Have been married for 35 years, no children. I have been bowling along quite happily, until very recently I have met someone who I see occasionally. I find I am obsessing and this is making me very unhappy, as he is already attached. I really don't know how to handle it. Do I avoid him altogether? I am concerned that I will lapse back into a depression that I had 2 years ago.

[Old_Geezer]

I think avoidance is not such a bad idea. As he is already attached maybe best to avoid keeping him in mind. I'd also suggest sittnig down and working out why your marriage is not as fulfilling as it once was. Maybe you and your partner need to find a way to make it exciting rather than mundane, while you see there's an issue.

[cazzz1975]

I think you need to address why this person has become an obsession, It might not be for the reasons you think, it could be a symptom of feeling down or because your relationship may be going through a few rumbles. Dont say or do anything you may regret until you have got to the bottom of this.

[Kathyan]

In my experience if you are even thinking about a relationship with someone else, then you can't love your husband. Sorry to be blunt!

[maggie01]

Sounds like a mid life crisis. My ex had one of those and it is very dangerous. He left me after 40yrs married and he is now on his own.

[woofgang]

married for 35 years? I haven't checked your profile but assume that you are female? that would make you mid fifties? are you in or through menopause? The hormone swings can make you have thoughts and feelings which are hormone driven rather than brain driven (personal experience of my own) If you can avoid the person that you are obsessing over then do so.

Kathyan you are wrong.

[yogi-bear]

Hi Chris,

Good advice from OG and Cazzz......try to spice up what you felt when you first set eyes on your hubby, and see if you can relight the spark you once had.
Obession is a strange word, and it's probably just an infatuation you have, as feeling a bit low at present, as if to say "Hey, what if.....??"..........you would like someone else OTHER than your husband to pay you some attention.
Avoiding the person may help you, but if you REALLY love your husband, it shouldn't be a problem.
Advice from close friends/family may help too, as much as it may harm, so be careful what advice you take.

I wish you all the very best, and to get that special tummy feeling you once had back when you were younger, and first got together.

35 years is special. isnt it?.......take care x

[magsmay]

Hi Chris -you are at a funny age (so am I so feel I can tell you this hope you don't mind ) . You should not take this any further -it will cause you hurt one way or another, so avoid this person if you can. I know from experience its hard to live with someone for years and not start to dwell on their faults rather than the reason you were attracted to them all those years ago and of course people change, but the best course of action is to have a heart to heart with your hubby -he may be feeling as bored as you and would be delighted to spice things up a bit. I had an episode like this a few years ago with an ex boyfriend and was very flattered at the time but am now very very glad I nipped it in the bud -good luck.

[Bbbananas]

Sorry Kath, I disagree. You can love someone, but think. about another. That's not necessarily disloyal, it's natural.
But I do have to agree, mid-life thing, boredom, whatever. Try rejuvenating what you've got, as a starter. The grass ain't always greener.

[karenmac60]

It sounds like a crush and it sounds like you are perfectly normal - if a bit bored. Concentrate on doing fun things with your husband, get a bit of a spark back with him and the crush should pass These things happen - don't read too much into it or worry about what it means. Your head has been temporarily turned and you are probably putting this other man on a pedestal and filling in the blanks in his personality with traits you would find attractive. Try looking at him as he really is without the fantasy and you'll probably see an average bloke who has faults, and not he knight in shining armour you may well imagine him to be.

[chris552]

Thank you so much to you lovely people. Please keep answering as it is really helpful to me. I will admit that my husband is now more like a brother

[magsmay]

Chris -you've been with your husband over 35 years so should be able to talk about anything . Tell him how you feel (miss out the bit about the other guy) - use humour or whatever you think will get the message over without sounding too critical -well actually I've called my OH (we've been together nearly 25 years) a boring old fart and told him he better start making an effort or I'd look for a toy boy -it worked lol!