ChatterBank8 mins ago
Kicks Me Out But Still Loves Me? Huh?!?
22 Answers
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and, for the last few months, things have been pretty rocky to the point of me moving out after much suggestion.
Things were all good in the beginning, perhaps the “honeymoon stage” where we were on our best behaviour. It was after a nasty time working for a shoe retailer (less than adequate treatment from management) that he seemed more stressed, walking out. This was about September time.
I slowly moved in prior to this, June-July time, which was met with much happiness because we both wanted it. I helped pay bills as much as I could because I knew it would be more difficult with me being there (electricity/food etc.). Because I wasn’t officially living there, we looked at other properties for the future, some of which weren’t practical due to finances or location (there was one he really wanted but I turned it down as it wasn’t practical).
With the stress coming in was the start of a darkening apartment, him being more stressed but not wanting to talk about it or what was going on. Despite looking at properties together previously, him being the one who started looking, he later “revealed” that I moved in too quick and that I never asked to move in, which was never a problem at the time for either of us (it wasn’t needed, surely?).
He started talking to me about moving out because it would “help” (who? what?). He had already been away for two weekends with a friend and also his family to get some time alone, which he allegedly needs being an only child (the only part I can agree with in that is that he didn’t learn to share or be with others – he’s quite selfish).
Come his birthday, I prioritised a staff meal because I needed time away myself, much like he did (sadly, on a special day for him). It was a great night but I knew I didn’t do much for my boyfriend on the day. We argued the following morning, saying how it was nice for him to be with people who “wanted him there” and made a point of him making effort for my birthday, despite things being better then. Like usual, he brings up the past and acts emotionally without thinking things through, which is a bit more my approach. It’s like it was all a big personal attack to him.
I stormed out, packed my things and went back to my parents where I still am now, nearly 2 weeks later. He apparently still loves me but wanted his keys back and for me to take all my stuff back (I packed some stuff as I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone for). He doesn’t know how long it will take but it will take “a while” (again, to do what?). He still wants us to be a couple and hopes for things to be back to normal soon – the thing is that he doesn’t talk to me about what’s on his mind, even if it involves me (instead he talks to his friends and acts like the victim, which he isn’t and nor am I).
I miss him and still love him, but I’m not sure he really feels the same anymore. I’m not sure what’s changed but he seems a much darker version of who he was and believes I can do so much better, something he maintained in the beginning. I miss the happier version of him, I want that back because he was fine before he started to get more stressed.
What do you guys think of the situation?
Things were all good in the beginning, perhaps the “honeymoon stage” where we were on our best behaviour. It was after a nasty time working for a shoe retailer (less than adequate treatment from management) that he seemed more stressed, walking out. This was about September time.
I slowly moved in prior to this, June-July time, which was met with much happiness because we both wanted it. I helped pay bills as much as I could because I knew it would be more difficult with me being there (electricity/food etc.). Because I wasn’t officially living there, we looked at other properties for the future, some of which weren’t practical due to finances or location (there was one he really wanted but I turned it down as it wasn’t practical).
With the stress coming in was the start of a darkening apartment, him being more stressed but not wanting to talk about it or what was going on. Despite looking at properties together previously, him being the one who started looking, he later “revealed” that I moved in too quick and that I never asked to move in, which was never a problem at the time for either of us (it wasn’t needed, surely?).
He started talking to me about moving out because it would “help” (who? what?). He had already been away for two weekends with a friend and also his family to get some time alone, which he allegedly needs being an only child (the only part I can agree with in that is that he didn’t learn to share or be with others – he’s quite selfish).
Come his birthday, I prioritised a staff meal because I needed time away myself, much like he did (sadly, on a special day for him). It was a great night but I knew I didn’t do much for my boyfriend on the day. We argued the following morning, saying how it was nice for him to be with people who “wanted him there” and made a point of him making effort for my birthday, despite things being better then. Like usual, he brings up the past and acts emotionally without thinking things through, which is a bit more my approach. It’s like it was all a big personal attack to him.
I stormed out, packed my things and went back to my parents where I still am now, nearly 2 weeks later. He apparently still loves me but wanted his keys back and for me to take all my stuff back (I packed some stuff as I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone for). He doesn’t know how long it will take but it will take “a while” (again, to do what?). He still wants us to be a couple and hopes for things to be back to normal soon – the thing is that he doesn’t talk to me about what’s on his mind, even if it involves me (instead he talks to his friends and acts like the victim, which he isn’t and nor am I).
I miss him and still love him, but I’m not sure he really feels the same anymore. I’m not sure what’s changed but he seems a much darker version of who he was and believes I can do so much better, something he maintained in the beginning. I miss the happier version of him, I want that back because he was fine before he started to get more stressed.
What do you guys think of the situation?
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obviously for him it all happened too soon too quickly and he wanted his life back as it was with his own space and there's you looking for another home together and trying to get him to commit for a future together, he was not ready for that. Remove all trace of you from his flat when he is not there, don't confront him, he has told you he doesn't want you there, so learn from this experience and move on quietly and with dignity and good luck for the future but its not going to be with this particular guy.
You say, Dee Sa, that he didn't want to move in like I did, that I was trying to get him to commit, but it was actually him who wanted that more in the beginning and up until a few months ago. It's like he's become less concerned about the relationship, us.
The future may not be with him, who knows, but I'm leaving it open to him at the moment seeing as he seems to be the problematic one as it turns out.
The future may not be with him, who knows, but I'm leaving it open to him at the moment seeing as he seems to be the problematic one as it turns out.
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