What Should I Do!! Help Please.

[i8uguys]

We have been married since 1985, I met her at school when we were 15. The marriage has been very stale for a very long time. We have two children 23 and 26, we haven't had any sex or any kind of sexual contact since our youngest was born.
Just recently I have been seeing escorts, and to cut a long story short, an escort has told me that she can't stop thinking about me, my feelings are mutual.
The thing is I just can't imagine not being with my wife as I still love her, but as a friend not a lover.
Question is shall I move on and start another life with this escort at the age of 51?

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

No.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Sorry, clicked by accident.
Try talking to your wife first if you can.
Even if that isn't going to work, you've had your head turned and you're not being rational. If you're going to make a break, go alone.
It could ruin your life.

[pixie373]

They are two separate questions -it doesn't have to be one or the other. Speak to your wife first, she may feel the same way, or it may be worth another go. If not, and you split up, you can go out with who you like.

[Uzoma]

I would strongly suggest you discuss the issues with your wife. Far better than your wife finding out that you are having an affair. Also, you don't know the escort as well as you might think. It could devastate your family. Please look deep before you leap.

[Prudie]

Have you ever discussed with your wife that you've had no sex for 23 years? Does she know you use escorts?

[anneasquith]

how old is the escort, are you rich ?

[i8uguys]

No I am not rich, just stuck in a dilemma , there's some good advice from you guys, the thing is the older you get , the more fear of being on your own into old age is a little daunting, and separating at an older age I think is more difficult.
I never thought I would be attracted to someone at this age!! , it's funny how life has little surprises.
I am not condoning cheating or going with escorts, but I have a high sex drive and wish I hadn't done it in a way, but I have no regrets because you only pass this way once.
This girl is 20 years my junior, which makes me feel young again, surely nothing wrong in that!

[Cloverjo]

Please don't leave your wife for this girl. From what you have said, she has said that she can't stop thinking about you, not that she wants to live with you. Think about how she earns her living. She has to be nice so that men keep going back to her. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to try to sort things out with your wife, and if you can't, then think about leaving. But it doesn't sound like you want to leave, you want sex. So, find non-committal sex somewhere else.

[pixie373]

I understand you might be nervous about being on your own after a long relationship, but i think it's necessary for you all to be able to move on. Even if the relationship is "stale", it's still a relationship - you haven't left your wife and i think jumping straight into another won't be good for any of you. Your wife (obviously i don't know her, but i guess) will be much less likely to remain friends with you if you don't give her a chance to recover first. And there might well be some backlash from your children.
You deserve to be happy, but go slowly and hurt as few people as possible.

[ummmm]

So what will your lady friend do for a living if you got together? Would you be happy for her to carry on being an escort? btw...if she's having sex with you and getting paid, she's a prostitute.

[grasscarp]

When you are thinking about her are you thinking about what she is doing with other men? You are old enough to be her father. If you left your wife and this doesn't work out what then? You are on your own and still paying for your sex. You need to talk to your wife about your relationship.

[Old_Geezer]

You have let things deteriorate. Not just you but your wife too. This should be a warning to all in relationships that one can not depend of the lover relationship remaining if one doesn't work at it.

Fear of being alone is a poor reason to decide whether you want a relationship or not. It should be based on whether you wish to be with the other person. Feeling for another is not unexpected when an existing relationship is not giving you what you need, but you need to work out what it is you really want.

And recall, large age differences can be difficult enough when you don't have the other stuff complicating things. Whilst this other woman may be above board with her stated feelings, I don't think one can recommend that path.

First work out whether you believe your relationship with your wife is worth the effort of rebuilding. If you decide it is, then you should break off with the other woman and concentrate on what you really want. It sounds to me as if you are not sufficiently detached from your marriage to be considering and exploring other avenues at this point.

Then, as suggested by others, one has to talk to ones partner. See how they feel about it. Whether they want to make an effort too or whether they have decided it has deteriorated into friendship and that is sufficient. Work out where you are between you and then plan for what needs to change. And it'll probably be to do with taking a greater interest and getting involved more in each others lives.

[Dee Sa]

How long before this young girl tires of you and just walks away? she is used to the high life and unless you keep it up and take her out all the time she will soon get bored, you are thinking of settling down with her but is she of the same frame of mind or it is pillow talk to keep you coming back ?Try taking your wife away for a "romantic" weekend and away from the home environment and talk to her, see how she feels about the marriage as it stands today.

[CJHorse]

To be blunt, this escort is not going to want to start a life with a 51-year old. When she says she can't stop thinking about you, I imagine "you" means "your wallet". Talk to your wife, as already advised!!!!!!!!

[boxtops]

I have no idea what you mean about not starting a relationship at your age - you're only 51 for goodness sake, a mere youngster. Many of us have sprung into active relationships a lot later than that! - and this means you stopped having sex with your wife when you were 28 - which seems a very long time not to have had a frank discussion with her about it. Here's my advice - you're going to rock the boat, one way or another, so sit down, uninterrupted, with your wife (take her away for the weekend if you need solitude) and have that frank discussion about where your relationship is going. She may feel exactly the same as you, but not be wanting to open the discussion.

[murraymints]

Tread very very carefully....escorts are professional charmers ...how many other clients has she spoken to like this ?? You need to sort things with wife by speaking/ counselling, if you decide to separate..do NOT do it because of so called interest from this other source..if your kids and family discover you've been paying elsewhere ..expect to be cast out....you risk losing more than a home if you go down this path !

[lcg]

out of the frying pan and into the fire springs to mind.......use you head to think, not your loins. this escort is not a valid option, for all the reasons outlined above. you need to talk to your wife and/or consider moving on. then, after all the dust settles maybe you can think about what you want/need. do not make any hasty decisions.....you still have time.

[Khandro]

♪♪ ... You'd better keep her, you'll find it cheaper, than makin' whoopee. ♪♪

[beso]

Oh no. The escort is leading you on by telling you what you want to hear to get more business from someone she feels reasonably safe with.

[maggiebee]

I would substitute the word "escort" with "prostitute". Wake up man, she does this for a living!!