Splitting Up With Girlfriend

[breadstick]

I have been dating a girl for 2 years now and recently she has been talking about moving in together starting a family etc

The thing is i dont think i feel the same about her any more yet she remains devoted to me and i know for a fact it would break her heart if we finished :( i say that without wanting to make it sound like i am some fantastic catch because i am not it's just i know how she feels about me

i have been going around in a daze hiding how i really feel because i dont have the guts to tell her bearing in mind she had anxiety problems in the past which she worked really hard to overcome :(

[maggiebee]

As chanel5 has said, honesty is the best policy or you will both end up very unhappy. Best to move on.

[andy-hughes]

You are not responsible for your girlfriend's mental well-being - that would make you her nurse not her boyfriend.

If you feel there is no future in the relationship, then you have to bite the bullet and tell her.

Yes there is pain involved, for both of you, but it will be less drawn-out, and deep, than if you move your relationship on because you lacked the guts to end it, rather than because it is honestly the way you want your live to be.

[VHG]

Tell her, but perhaps do it in stages.

Open up with "I am not sure I feel the same about you......"

A week or so later it can be stronger "I am really not sure of the long term future for this relationship"

A week later "I don't see a future for us together".

Some may say it is a cowards way out, but by letting her know gradually it saves one huge argument if you just pack her up out of the blue.

[VHG]

Perhaps also try to find other things to do when you are supposed to see her, so you see her less and she starts to realise she is not the top thing in your life.

If you have been going out for 2 years it will be a shock if you end it, so it pays to let her down gently.

[Old_Geezer]

Spend a little time thinking about what you really want. Are you simply disgruntled that the exciting period is waning and the good life companion bit on the rise ? And you simply want excitement all the time ? Or are you sure she is not one you wish to make a go of it with ?

When you know where you stand the answer becomes easier. If you are going to be unhappy staying with her, then bite the bullet and tell her ASAP. If it is simply doubts on your part though then maybe ask to go a little slower. As it has been 2 years it may get short shrift but ultimately it is your job to make a decision, whatever that is, and then do what you have to.

Her anxiety problems are a complication but it does not mean you have to live a miserable existence with someone who you would rather not be with just to avoid upsetting them.

[Retrochic]

Breadstick,take some quiet time to ask yourself why you don't feel the same way about her -and realise that relationships are not stagnant and you are supposed to not feel the same as you get to know someone, things change (usually for the better but not always). What you are experiencing maybe just the normal processes of becoming 'comfortable ' with someone. If you are having second thoughts and not even living together yet then think carefully about your future. I would be inclined to tell her your concerns and suggest a trial separation, some 'time out' -Prince William and Kate did that and eventually got back together and married - it could go either way but is the best solution and much better than living a lie and becoming resentful.

[Sqad]

\\\ i dont have the guts to tell her bearing in mind she had anxiety problems in the past\\

Very few blokes do, so don't feel "inadequate."

Tell her by phone or email or text ....that is the easy bit, the difficult part comes when you are bombarded with pleadings..."I love you"..." I can't live without you".....the emotional blackmail that women do so well.

Tough times ahead mate..........but be strong.

[bhg481]

Go with Retrochic's suggestion. If you find that you are not missing her company after a few weeks than she's not the one for you.

[tamborine]

Tell her you dont want kids. If that doesnt chase her off, get a vasectomy.

[Prudie]

Sqad NO! You don't mean that, you don't tell someone after 2 years by phone, email or text. I know you wouldn't do that really, at least not now.

[Khandro]

breadstick; Why - there must be 50 ways to leave your lover, you're not the first;