Old Friend. Or So I Thought.

[Lindylou]

Have just learnt that person/s I thought were friends have recently visited / returned to the UK from New Zealand after moving there over 5 years ago. Unfortunately I wasn't told about their return. So I haven't been able to see them. I considered them to be close friends. Now they are leaving to return to their new(ish) domicile. Very upset that I wasn't considered important enough for them to let me know they'd be returning to the UK for 6 weeks. I would have liked to have seen them but I think I should now cross them off my Xmas card / birthday card list etc and unfriend them on Facebook. Am I being unreasonable?

[B00]

Nope, not in the slightest, i'd do exactly the same.

[scorpiojo]

What B00 said

[237SJ]

I have a friend who lives in Australia and comes back to this country every year. The last time she came home she didn`t contact me and even though I phoned her father who lives here, she never phoned me back. Her loss. I`m not bothered. Sometimes, you find out who your friends are and there is no point in wasting time on these people. As long as you know who your real friends are, then that is all that matters.

[pixie374]

I agree. My dad does that too.

[CatGirl4]

No,i agree with you.x

[jakep]

I think that is very upsetting. You are not being unreasonable at all. Yes, remove them from your life and try not to dwell on it too much.

[Prudie]

Have you kept in reasonable contact since they moved to NZ? If so then yes you're not being unreasonable except perhaps the FB thing, that's a bit petty.

[Psybbo]

Maybe there was a family crisis or illness?

[Captain2]

Think I'd FB them 'Any plans to visit GB in the near future, would be lovely to see you' - then unfriend them. :-)

[scorpiojo]

^ Lol

[Maydup]

If they had come back for a flying visit or an emergency you'd have understood, but 6 weeks and no word is simply unfriendly. Cross them off and don't look back. It will be interesting to see if they contact you again and if they mention their visit.

[Old_Geezer]

Unfortunate. Upsetting. But not something you should let get you down. Why should you, they, or the rest if the world worry what Facebook shows your status with them is ? Let it go. Concentrate on what's important in your real life at present.

[ummmm]

6 weeks sounds a long time but it shoots by. You don't know what they crammed into those 6 weeks.

[jennyjoan]

I have a friend who reluctantly lives in Australia for more 30 years now - now that grandchilden are are there she won't be back for good here in Ireland any more - anyway should the break between her coming and going from Ireland and Australia could be years - we meet up and it is just as if she never left 30 years ago. We have a wonderful friendship. So wish she lived here - a great friend.

[Marijn]

It would depend on whether they came for a holiday, or if they were visiting a sick member of their family. If it was the latter, it would've seemed insensitive for them to start looking up old friends.

[Gromit]

// ...and unfriend them on Facebook. //

If you are both on facebook how did you not know they were planning a trip or were here. Surely they must have pisted about it, uploaded photos etc. Have you yourself not been guilty of neglect in your relationship with them?

[Gromit]

Sorry, posted :-)

[jackthehat]

Mrs JtH has an older (half-)brother who lives in Australia.
Due to a family break-up she lost contact with him over 40 years ago. I tacked him down on t'interweb and he was delighted when I 'phoned and came to see her as soon as he was able.
Since that time, we have kept in regular contact.
He and his wife had cause to come back to UK for 5 weeks a couple of years ago but we knew nothing of this. at the time.
Apparently, they were obligated to do 'things' regarding his wife's family and he didn't want to make any promises to see us that he would have found it difficult to keep.....so he said nothing. He was sorely grieved not to have been able to visit us but felt better knowing that the disappointment was his alone rather than having been the cause of any for us.
Perhaps your good friend thought along similar lines?

[ummmm]

When we go back to Ireland it's usually for a reason (weddings/funerals/birthdays) We couldn't get round all our family and friends and still manage to have a holiday in 6 weeks.

[Quoi]

If you were a close friend then surely you would have kept in touch enough to know they were coming back.
I think you are making something out of nothing - i would say do nothing but rebuild a long distance relationship if you think its worth it. Then you will know the next time they are planning a visit.
Life's too short and all that..