What Should I Do? I Don’t See Any Meaning In What I’m Doing.

[Blackfog]

When I try my best, people always tell me that I do nothing. I babysat my cousin every summer (maybe even more) for six years. And in the end, they told me that I had never taken care of her. But that was a long time ago. There were many times when I gave my all, 100%, but in the end, I was told that I had done nothing. And now it has happened again. I thought I had become friends with Y. We had so much in common, from shared interests to topics that few people truly understand. But one day, everything came to light. I played games that Y liked, I studied what she enjoyed. But none of it mattered. I opened up to her, I shared my personal secret, something I have been living with for almost five years. It’s a very serious thing. And I was rejected. Yes. Y told me that she already had two friends and didn’t want to form a short-term friendship. She hit me where it hurts, saying that I’m lazy and that I do nothing. But if I really did nothing, I would have been literally dead a long time ago. My problem is a serious one, I didn’t choose this, and I want to find someone who will accept me as I am. Once again, my efforts were devalued. I have some small dreams. But now I don’t see the point in pursuing them. Because what’s the point if my efforts will just be destroyed or dismissed again? Also, Y is a businesswoman. I considered her successful, but it turned out that her achievements were literally the achievements of other people. She never worked, and suddenly she had a business. Yes, her parents bought her a house, yes, they gave her a lot of money, helped her start a business, and did many other things for her. In fact, it was another person who handled all of this. And Y told me, "Just change your life." But my problem is literally lifelong, and it cannot be changed, literally. I didn’t choose this, I repeat. Y doesn’t know how much a house costs, Y doesn’t know how much rent costs. But where I live, renting an apartment costs as much as an average salary. Yes, I live with my parents. Yes, in order to buy a house, I would literally have to spend 10 years of my life. And Y told me, "Just buy a house right now." But that’s impossible at this moment; it’s only possible in the distant future. But that’s not the main issue. Y told me to fix something that I simply cannot fix. It’s like walking up to a person who was born without legs and saying, "Hey dude, just grow yourself some legs." After all of this, I cried, I hurt myself, I thought about bad things. People shouldn't be so cruel. I don't see the point in trying anymore. I don't see the point in doing anything. None of this makes sense. My efforts will either be destroyed or devalued.

[jackthehat]

Make an appointment so see your doctor and discuss your depression with her/him.

[Old_Geezer]

That is one heck of a block of text to read through.

 

Yes I agree with jack, you would benefit from professional help to lift your spirits.  We all get knocks in life but you need to let them go and not let them spoil your present or your future mood.  In particular you need to learn not react to opinions/suggestions from those who have no empathy, nor even clue as to how you got where you presently are.  Good luck with it.