relationships

[4getmenot]

If someone wants totally different things from their partners is it right to let them go or should they change for you?

[Catso]

Do you mean you want your partner to act totally different towards you, or your wants in life are not the same as theirs?

[ummmm]

Depends how much love their is. I think if you love someone enough you will try to change for them. If the love is equal from the other person then they will understand that it is hard to change and try and make a few compromises

[raysparx1]

Like what things 4get ? that is a hard one,cos if you love them for what they are,if they change they won't be them anymore,they will be something false,if I am making any sense here.

[marley2000]

when it's something big e.g. wanting/not wanting children or marriage, then i don't think the couple should stay together because surely one will end up resenting the other. but if it's something like untidiness then that can be worked on!x

[Llamatron]

I'm with raysparx1 on this one.

Surely if you love them then you love them for who they are.
If they change then they are no longer the person you fell for.

[Pippa68]

Nobody should change for anyone ~ not drastically anyway..if we are talking about picking their pants off the floor instead of leaving them in a smelly heap then that is something that can be worked on (or learn to deal with).

But if we are talking aboout a major personality change..no, it can't and shouldn't be done. If any change is made it would be temporary anyway!

[4getmenot]

Its not for me its just a question :-) I think if you really love them you could do, but marley seems to have the same idea as me but I was more thinking a person could change for someone but if the other person didnt want children and you did then why should they sacrifise not having children for love

[4getmenot]

and I dont mean change personality wise, but their lifestyle

[drchasuble]

I wanted to get married and have children but my partner didn't. We had an amicable split earlier this year because we realised that however much we loved each other one of us would always end up being disappointed.
We're now the best of friends and very close but ultimately we just weren't compatible as lovers. Unfortunately we weren't ever able to dream up a compromise so that we'd both be happy.

So I say let them go and I'm ever hopeful that there's someone out there who wants what I want.

[Pippa68]

I agree with that ~ if it's a case of one person wanting children and the other doesn't, it really can't work as one will have to compromise which may be ok at the time, and works for a while but eventually the person who made the compromise will eventually feel the pain....and if a child was born from a relationship based on that it isn't nice :o(

[-Zorro-]

dump him 4get

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, it all depends what they were like at first. Depending on what you talked about in the first stages of your relationship, you should have a pretty good idea of what their views on things are. I think communication plays a big part in any relationship. If you knew the other didnt want kids from the start, then something should have been mentioned straight away and agreed upon. Unfortunately women try to change men all the time, knowing full well that they wont change...

[drchasuble]

It's hardly a first date question is it MrBen? "Mine's a red wine and er do you want kids?" That's almost guaranteed to have the guy running for the hills.

This is the kind of thing that you only ever seem to find out when you are past that casual dating stage. When you do find out that you're on different pages should you just walk away or try to come to some kind of compromise? You will try to compromise and see whether things can change.
It's only when you know that there are no more options that you should call it a day.

[4getmenot]

mr ben its more a been seeing eachother for a long time, but the man wont grow up and doesnt have a clue where he is at, who he is, what he wants to do and he has decided that he is letting the woman go for her own happiness as he knows she wants children and doesnt want her to waste her time on him to decide when he is ready. she's waited long enough and is that point where she is old and wants kids, he wants kids but not at the minute.