Ex pulls my mates.

[amazingtoxic]

Am I right in thinking that both my ex and my mate are completes B******S for pulling each other?

I am sooo p*sed but they dont seem to see the problem?

Who is right here?

Thanks

[paulakea]

Err yeah i wouldnt dare pull my mates ex!! You just dont do things like that!!!!

[ummmm]

I think it depends how long you have been ex's for. It's a very fine line and one that I wouldn't cross

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, maybe were already seeing each other whilst you was involved and they came to the agreement that they should let you know cos they felt bad about it.
Its not something i would do but, hey, it sure would get you back for whatever you did...

[bollie]

i now exactly what your saying, my ex and my (so called) best mate are at it!
I have moved on and am happily married, but i was with my ex for 5 years, and i find it really, really ikky!
Theres something just wrong about it isnt there?

[amazingtoxic]

Yes there is, neither of them had the decency to actually tell me the truth until I tricked my ex by telling her that my other mate had told me, then the truth came out.

My ex, who is meant to be my best mate, has told me to get over it and get over myself and my mate just won't talk about it, in fact was rather shocked to find out that i knew.

What do you guys think, forget about them both?

Thanks for all your posts so far.

[lindapinda]

The fact that they were not telling you,shows that they knew there was a problem.Your ex is being very insensitive and unkind at the very least,by telling you to get over it!! Thats a guilty conscience talking I think!..

[jno]

sorry to disagree with everyone but I think exes are free to pull anyone they want, and so are mates. That's what being an ex means: they're not tied to you any more. If they're just doing it to annoy you in some way, relax, that sort of thing can never last. But if they actually like each other, they're entitled. You may find it icky, but that's no longer his problem.

[babyC]

It's the unwritten rule!

[originalspa]

There are some things you just don't do and this is one of them!

Don't they have any shame or morals? I'd find it really weird if it was me as that would say that they didn't give a toss about me or my feelings and it doesn't say much about them as people either!

If I was you, I wouldn't bother with either of them. With friends like that, who needs enemies!

[boro1986]

I agree with JNO it is wrong not something id do but they are free agents free to see who they want

[happygam]

I agree with jno...what is the problem if they are seeing each other..whilst they are both single..we can't help who we like and I think you would rather prefer for it to happen when you had split up and them not having a fling behind your back...I know I would!! Perhaps you and him wern't meant to be and that right person may be around the corner....yes, you will find it hard, but you will move on - we all do....unfortunatly, it is a part of life - but we learn by things....

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i think the problem is that its her friend and her ex. Like you say its her ex, her friend should not be seeing her ex without talking to her about it first. Its an unwritten rule, that only decent people seem to know about and follow...

[happygam]

I didn't realise they had rules for dating...is there a rule book that I need to see?? If they wern't seeing each other at the time, her ex and friend found out that they had a mutual attraction to each other - whats the problem?? I am a very open minded 32 years young, married woman, who has been hurt myself over the years...but I have got on with it..I can understand if they were doing it behind her back when they were together...if they were, they were bang out of order..but if not - they are human - we live once and we shouldn't pussy foot around with feelings..what happens in our lives happens..we get over it and move on...I have realised that as I have got older....no law has been broken!!

[boro1986]

Well said happygam

[happygam]

Thank you very much Boro....life is toooo short!!!

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i suppose your right in a way happygam. We do only live once and life is too short. But that is just narrowmindness and you have obviously been hurt bad in your past, and have never really got over it. All the people who say 'You only live once' or 'Life is too short' have all been hurt in the past and use that as a way of showing people they are dealing with it. It seems you dont have true friends who you can trust or rely upon, and must get hurt regularly. It is an unwritten law that you dont pull your ex's friend, but hey, everyone has different standards and morals...

[happygam]

For one, I aint narrowminded....I am like any woman/man who has been young..I'v been hurt, thankfully not hurt so its the end of my world and when I have, I have got over it, if I hadn't I wouldn't be in my 12th year with my hubby and enjoying the forthcoming birth of our first child. (its called moving on0..I have fab friends who have stuck by me thru thick and thin...I say life is tooo short mate, cos my best friend is winning (and getting there) her battle against Breast Cancer - she was 39 when she found out - and she is one of the first to say, life is tooo short - the only thing that has hurt me...is when my friend told me her diagnosis last year - but I have been there for her!! I have been brought up with high standards and morals by fantastic parents..and I will bring my child - when it comes - up the same...I think somewhere along the way, you have been hurt Mr Benn..perhaps you didn't get over it - but don't judge me - as what you have written is the complete opposite of me - whats this law again....have they commited a crime - no - the real law breakers are out there - that do far worse....murder etc...nothing wrong with being a strong woman..thats what I am!!!

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, so i was right. You have been hurt, and still are hurting. I am sorry for your friend, and hope she pulls through, but i still disagree with you on a few things. i dont think life is too short, far from it. And i do think there is a moral law that states you shouldnt date your ex's friend. Maybe if they split up on good terms and all were ok with it, then it would be a different matter. But, i guess we will have to agree to disagree, as many before me have stated. Its just something you dont do. Not to a true friend anyway...

[4getmenot]

I think the only reason you can be upset is for them not telling you, but as for the rest, yer its upsetting but if she is really your friend and he is your best mate if they had told you the truth and you have no feeling any longer for this guy then you should be happy for them. Unfortunately I go by this rule because I live in small town and if I didn�t there would be no-one allowed to go out with anyone. My best friend started seeing someone I liked, and yes it hurst because they never told me, but I then realised they didn�t tell me because they didn�t want to hurt my feelings and that this boy did not have a label on him saying belonging to� They are no longer together and she found out he was a loser, so I guess I won there anyway :-)

[4getmenot]

And in the end whats the point in being angry, you�ll just lose you mates when you don�t need to.