friendship trouble - need advice

[MiniN]

recently one of our friends has gotten her first proper boyfriend (we're all in our 20's by the way), and she has basically dumped me and our other best mate. she never gets in contact (email,phone or txt) unless we do first. she's not interested in meeting up either.

we've tried to be understanding but the thng is she did the same thing a year ago when she suddenly became 'bezzy' mates with her new housemate. she eventually started acting like a proper mate again when they had fell out.

we've been very supportive of her over the last few years as she has had many problems. its hard to talk to her about the situation as she automatically gets defensive and makes silly excuses and plays the victim.

what do we do? do we keep trying or just move on and concentrate on more positive friendships?

[ummmm]

You don't sound like you are being a positive friend.

[MiniN]

its a more complex story than u think

[raysparx1]

Just be happy for her,and be there for if it goes wrong, when we first meet somebody we want to be with them 100% of the time, so I would just give her the space and time to enjoy her new love, she is still your friend,you just aren't seeing much of her at the moment, if you needed her urgently would she be there for you ? if the answer is yes, then she is a true friend, if she wouldn't react to your call then move on.

[MiniN]

thanks, very useful advice. at the mo i dont think she is there for me or my other friend.

to be honest, i was sick last week and it may be something fairly serious and she jus sent me a simply text sayin hope u feel better. which is really unlike her!

[ummmm]

I can only go on what you have said in your question

[JulieB123]

Try to talk to her and say you are still her friend and will be there for her but she just needs to keep in touch a bit more, then see how long it is until she contacts you. Leave it a couple of weeks and send her a text saying you are well and hope to see her soon.

I have a couple of friends i may not see or speak to for a couple of months then when we meet we just pick up where we left off, i know you have the added complication of a new boyfriend so see how it goes.

Please remember your comments when you meet a new boyfriend of new friend at work or something.

[starry eyes]

Oh MY GOD< im sorry but i am in almost the EXACT same situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My house mate/best mate has completely dumped me and all our other friends, for her boyf who lives 2 hours away from us. She has had a complete change of personality, shes gone from a lovely caring person to a selfish, disrespectful one! She doesn't even sleep at home, she sleeps at her mums but pays rent at my place. But i cant say anything to her cos she will just cry and play the victim, I have made a few digs to her, like how i value my friends and would NEVER dump them for a bloke, but she doesn't seem to catch on.She genunilly thinks that she hasn't done anything wrong! anyways, What i am doing is just moving on, let her make her own mistakes, she'l come crawling back when it all goes t!its up (and it will) and she's have to work VERY VERY hard to gain her mates back again as it is hard to forgive her actions.
Show her how much fun you and your other mates are having without her.

[starry eyes]

PS My story is a lot more complicated that it sounds - I dont want you all thinking that im being a bitch about my friend, i'm not, but what iv said is just a snippet of what she's been likel!!!!!

[SCHUMI]

my mate does that to me when she is in a relationship.she is currently playing happy families with her new fella and i am quite happy for her to do that.if he is treating her well then she should get on with her life and if she remembers i am her best mate and phones all well and good i don't sweat it.i have my own life.if her relationship goes titties up then i am only a phonecall away and i will be there in a flash.that is after all what friends do...be there when you are needed and stay back when you are not.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, very well said SCHUMI...