when in a relationship i get really insecure and paranoid that the man im with will leave me also i get defensive and put my barriers up and this usually drives the man im with away .what can i do to stop this ?
You obviously arent happy in yourself to be doing this in the first place. Concentrate on yourself first before you get in a relationship and when you do realise then that you do not need a partner to be whole.
Tell the guy and be honest with him. If he likes you that much, he will understand and be patient with you. Hopefully you can work through this together.