My partner keeps losing his erection - help!

[oceanauk]

I've recently started a relationship with a new guy after being on my own for 6 years raising my son. It's been hard establishing a relationship after being on my own for so long but I am lucky enough to have met a fantastic man. Of course after a while we decided to take our relationship to a physical level and my sex drive has gone beserk. I am wondering if I am intimidating my partner as I want sex all the time!! I do not push him in any way but the last few times we have tried he has lost his erection at the cruical moment and I feel it's beginning to be a problem for him as he is worrying but says he doesn't know why it's happening. Of course I feel it's my fault and am starting to feel unattractive. He has also been out of a relationship for a very long time prior to this. Any ideas please or comments especially from men as this is quite a new area for me!! Many thanks!!

[lady_p_gold]

Well first of all stop all thoughts of it being something to do with you. If he has a problem then you being so eager might not help, but believe me there are men who can get an erection because a shapely leaf flutters by, so the thing is to find out what is going on with him. The first thing I would want to know is, has it ever happened to him before. He might say no ... but then that might not be true as I still feel there is a great male ego thing involved in this problem. However if you look at statistics it is something than is not that uncommon. There are lots of ways of dealing with it, some medical and some not. The first thing I would do is to take all pressure off him .. he can stimulate you manually or orally and so still give you pleasure and then let him find his own way of having pleasure and not necessarily while having to think about yours. There are loads of sites I am sure with helpful information. If it is something that he might always have a problem with then I suppose you have to ask yourself if you could still be happy with this fantastic man and have a different sort of sex life and yet still have a close and loving relationship. And you know, once he knows that you still would want that, you might find it gets better all by itself ... a bit like when a woman adopts after years of trying for a baby and then finds herself pregnant ... good luck

[oceanauk]

Wow this is a minefield!!! Hope it's not a long term problem. But it's so hard to discuss without making my man feel I have a problem with him - which I don't. I wouldn't care if we never slept together again I just love being with him. It's just I'm not sure how to approach the situation in a careful way without hurting his feelings just to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong. It has only started recently before that we were fine. Now even when I just touch him he loses his erection - it's a horrible feeling for me because it feels very personal and I try not to let him see that. I notice no men have responded yet!!!!?? I guess we'll have to talk about it!!! Thanks for your response lady_p_gold - that's great.

[tomtom123]

It has happened to me. It has always passed in time. It's totally psychological; the thought of how wrong it would be to happen leads it to happen. Alcohol often works, though I know that on a purely physical level alcohol counters the erection. Getting the right amount- enough to care a bit less about the whole issue. Just a thought.

[oceanauk]

Thank you tomtom123. I do have the feeling that it is a psychological problem for my partner and we are in a vicious circle of worrying about it then it happens. My other problem is that I have a huge sex drive and I think I could be too demanding of him... he's 42 and I'm 36. Thanks for your response.

[dave1969]

After being on your own for 6 years your just catching up for lost time.
Give it time