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Him and his PORN
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ok im 18 and my partner has a big problem with looking at porn...I get mad sometimes because i feel like i have to be a porn star to turn him on...I know im not ugly but its still makes me mad...what do i do?
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depends how big a problem it is. Occasional use is normal (for males anyway). If he's genuinely hooked on it and can't function without it then he has a problem. It's his problem rather than yours; your problem may be that you're coming second in his life to other women, which is always grounds for asking whether the relationship should continue.
Who is to say that looking at porn is normal?
It can sometimes lead to a thirst for more extreme porn , even violent porn. I dont think a person should do it in secret. Secrets are always bad in relationships.
I actually do think it can be harmful to a relationship if one person doesnt like the other doing it. It shows a lack of respect for the other person's feelings and makes them feel less desired. I dont see how anyone can be comfortable with their partner jacking off while looking at another woman.
It can sometimes lead to a thirst for more extreme porn , even violent porn. I dont think a person should do it in secret. Secrets are always bad in relationships.
I actually do think it can be harmful to a relationship if one person doesnt like the other doing it. It shows a lack of respect for the other person's feelings and makes them feel less desired. I dont see how anyone can be comfortable with their partner jacking off while looking at another woman.
watching 2 people having sex, does not make someone a deviant who would get off on violence!!
people like what they like, and will watch whatver type of porn they like - its not like drugs where starting on the soft stuff leads to the harder stuff - or the sick stuff!
all men, and probably most women, will enjoy watching another couple having sex - they may not make a habit of it, or they may deny it and claim to be offended by it - but that is more about social conditioning than actually genuinely deep down disliking what they see.
it is a natural instinct to enjoy it - it is to ensure procreation and survival, its to make you want to do it too - and to make sure others of the species know what to do... i mean, 2 kids left alone on a desert island, no other living creature at all, from the age of 2 - do you honestly think they would just know what to do? and have even an inkling that there was something they should do?
people like what they like, and will watch whatver type of porn they like - its not like drugs where starting on the soft stuff leads to the harder stuff - or the sick stuff!
all men, and probably most women, will enjoy watching another couple having sex - they may not make a habit of it, or they may deny it and claim to be offended by it - but that is more about social conditioning than actually genuinely deep down disliking what they see.
it is a natural instinct to enjoy it - it is to ensure procreation and survival, its to make you want to do it too - and to make sure others of the species know what to do... i mean, 2 kids left alone on a desert island, no other living creature at all, from the age of 2 - do you honestly think they would just know what to do? and have even an inkling that there was something they should do?
The wording of your question is interesting - does he have a 'big' problem, or do you have a problem with the fact that your boyfriend likes porn?
I can understand your insecurity, and i think it's something you need to discuss with your partner. You certainly shouldn't feel that you have to behave like a fantasy figure in your personal sex life with him.
If your boyfriend is making an issue of his enjoyment of pornography, that needs to be addressed. The fqct that it upsets you enough to post on here means it is an issue for you, and therefore an issue for him.
I can tell you that from the perspective of male sexuality, pornography is not preferable to inticamcy, it is simply different stimulation. A man may like apples, but he also likes oranges, for different reasons.
If this is making you unhappy, then you need to find out his attitudes, and explain yours.
If my use of pronography upset my wife, i would stop imediately - it's not worth hurting someone you care about.
Have a chat with him, calmly, don't accuse, listen, and discuss, and see if you can find a way forward.
Keep us posted.
I can understand your insecurity, and i think it's something you need to discuss with your partner. You certainly shouldn't feel that you have to behave like a fantasy figure in your personal sex life with him.
If your boyfriend is making an issue of his enjoyment of pornography, that needs to be addressed. The fqct that it upsets you enough to post on here means it is an issue for you, and therefore an issue for him.
I can tell you that from the perspective of male sexuality, pornography is not preferable to inticamcy, it is simply different stimulation. A man may like apples, but he also likes oranges, for different reasons.
If this is making you unhappy, then you need to find out his attitudes, and explain yours.
If my use of pronography upset my wife, i would stop imediately - it's not worth hurting someone you care about.
Have a chat with him, calmly, don't accuse, listen, and discuss, and see if you can find a way forward.
Keep us posted.
I disagree, I think it IS a slippery slope. Once you have seen one type of sex, it no longer holds the same appeal as you have seen it all before. Im saying it CAN in some circumstances lead to stronger, even violent sex.
I think two people left alone would eventually know what to do, they dont have to be told! Its the most natural thing in the world and we are programmed genetically to get sexual feelings at a certain age. Think 'Blue Lagoon' lol
I think two people left alone would eventually know what to do, they dont have to be told! Its the most natural thing in the world and we are programmed genetically to get sexual feelings at a certain age. Think 'Blue Lagoon' lol
Pretty much what Joko said. By and large ( a few people aside) porn is quite normal, quite acceptable and is not going to lead to a slippery slope to anything untoward.
Although I don't watch porn very often, I would have an enormous issue with a woman who thought it was wrong from me to do so and my wife certainly never had any such issues and we had a very stable, very nice relationship for upwards of ten years.
If porn viewing is excessive then indeed it may be your boyfriend's problem, but very often it's actually the insecurities and controlling natures of the non porn watcher in the realtionship which is really the problem.
Talk about it with him and try to balance it is all you can do and see if you can hit a compromise.
Although I don't watch porn very often, I would have an enormous issue with a woman who thought it was wrong from me to do so and my wife certainly never had any such issues and we had a very stable, very nice relationship for upwards of ten years.
If porn viewing is excessive then indeed it may be your boyfriend's problem, but very often it's actually the insecurities and controlling natures of the non porn watcher in the realtionship which is really the problem.
Talk about it with him and try to balance it is all you can do and see if you can hit a compromise.
liquid space - that is not what i said - of course the kids would have sexual feelings, thats a given, i mean how would they figure out exactly what to do physically?
are you saying it would just occur to the boy to insert his penis in the girls vagina? how would he even know there was an opening there?
people learn sex through seeing it and learning about it - they don't generally just discover it out of the blue.
(the kids in blue lagoon came to the island when they were older, and i suppose could have watched animals do it)
and to say its a slippery slope is ludicrous!
are you saying 2 people having sex is perverted and disgusting?
that the most natural act is the behaviour of deviants? people get turned on by many things.
if you like to watch general intercourse it doesn't follow that you will get turned on by violence or bestiality or kinky stuff -
people don't suddenly think "oh this is too soft i must see a woman getting raped to get me going" unless you already had those feeling in there.
as with drugs, the notion that it leads to other stuff is more to do with availablity and proximity to the sorts of people who can provide the harder stuff, not the desire to try and get more and more off your head.
it is easy enough to get pretty much any type of porn going, with a few clicks on the internet - we dont all do it, do we?
kinky people will be always be kinky no matter what they are watching
are you saying it would just occur to the boy to insert his penis in the girls vagina? how would he even know there was an opening there?
people learn sex through seeing it and learning about it - they don't generally just discover it out of the blue.
(the kids in blue lagoon came to the island when they were older, and i suppose could have watched animals do it)
and to say its a slippery slope is ludicrous!
are you saying 2 people having sex is perverted and disgusting?
that the most natural act is the behaviour of deviants? people get turned on by many things.
if you like to watch general intercourse it doesn't follow that you will get turned on by violence or bestiality or kinky stuff -
people don't suddenly think "oh this is too soft i must see a woman getting raped to get me going" unless you already had those feeling in there.
as with drugs, the notion that it leads to other stuff is more to do with availablity and proximity to the sorts of people who can provide the harder stuff, not the desire to try and get more and more off your head.
it is easy enough to get pretty much any type of porn going, with a few clicks on the internet - we dont all do it, do we?
kinky people will be always be kinky no matter what they are watching
but he is hiding it from you because you go mad when you find out!!
if you were cool with it and didn't kick up a fuss, he wouldn't hide it!!
although jno raises a good point - whether or not your feelings are rational, and whether or not porn is normal or not, you cannot just switch your feelings off overnight.
these sorts of feelings are often deep seated and ingrained, and will take time to adjust to, because i think here, for your own sanity, a slightly more open and liberated outlook on this will help you in the future, because when all is said and done, the choice if his and you cannot control him.
if you were cool with it and didn't kick up a fuss, he wouldn't hide it!!
although jno raises a good point - whether or not your feelings are rational, and whether or not porn is normal or not, you cannot just switch your feelings off overnight.
these sorts of feelings are often deep seated and ingrained, and will take time to adjust to, because i think here, for your own sanity, a slightly more open and liberated outlook on this will help you in the future, because when all is said and done, the choice if his and you cannot control him.
I have the problem too... (not your's, his). I don't wanna waste time looking at porn either. I wish porn were never.. invented (?)!! It's a waste of time, bad for my neck, lead to hard times with my girlfriend.. lead to a great deal of shame and embarassment... the list goes on. The good part is (probably) theres lots of it to look at and it helps to come of it. But you know... whatever... it just is not justified.
Now, depending on the maturity level of your boyfriend, he probably looks at porn as what it is, PORN! ME? I watch porn. I waste endless hours doing it and at the end of it wish I'd have done something constructive. But I don't expect my girlfriend to be all portstar like or anything. I know porn is porn and ral life is the only real thing. Maybe that's how he think too...
Now, depending on the maturity level of your boyfriend, he probably looks at porn as what it is, PORN! ME? I watch porn. I waste endless hours doing it and at the end of it wish I'd have done something constructive. But I don't expect my girlfriend to be all portstar like or anything. I know porn is porn and ral life is the only real thing. Maybe that's how he think too...
Men get aroused visually.
I am a man and I look at porn. My wife hates it, and as I love my wife I try to hide it from her. Sometimes she catches me and feels angry and has the same insecurities that you mention. It's difficult to explain, but I have a natural urge that makes me want to look at it. It is just pictures and videos, and it is swiftly forgotton. Every person is different, and I find my wife sexy and I have a daughter as well. What I'm trying to say is it really isn't anything to worry about, it's just a natural thing, and you have no need to have any insecurities. I usually get horny and then go and make passionate love to my wife.
I am a man and I look at porn. My wife hates it, and as I love my wife I try to hide it from her. Sometimes she catches me and feels angry and has the same insecurities that you mention. It's difficult to explain, but I have a natural urge that makes me want to look at it. It is just pictures and videos, and it is swiftly forgotton. Every person is different, and I find my wife sexy and I have a daughter as well. What I'm trying to say is it really isn't anything to worry about, it's just a natural thing, and you have no need to have any insecurities. I usually get horny and then go and make passionate love to my wife.
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