I think you are getting hung up on what your boyfriend wants, to the detriment of what you want and need.
Yes it is always nice to please your partner, but you need to explain to him that you don't orgasm this way because it's the way you are, not because of some failure on his part, and he should not be too keen on supposed 'ideal' sex.
If you put pressure on yourself, and him, you are not going to orgasm anyway, which depends entirely on relaxation, and going with the moment.
You could try pressing your clitoris gently against the shaft of his penis as he moves in an out, or let him do it (gently!) and see if that works. if not, forget about it, and concentrate on finding what is good for both of you, and don't let this get in the way.
Good sex is about what suits the two of you at the time, and nothing to do with imagined techniques or strategies, so relax, and enjoy yourslves!