Crosswords2 mins ago
dating game
30 Answers
is it me or is the dating game really, really harsh?
ive been single a year now and the one thing i want more than anything is a settled relationship
i made a drunken mistake on the weekend and i dont want to lower myself to that anymore, i just want a nice girl.
im 24, decent looking and decent job so whats the big prob?
ive been on 2 dates now with older girls, both were very good looking, one was 29 and the other 25, both ended similarly with them making excuses and going just as i thought we were getting on
both text me afterwards saying we are just not suited etc.
the bad thing is, the people who are attracted to me are all younger like 18 / 19 and im just not interested - i cant put my finger on it
am i just a bore? why would anyone want to leave halfway through a date :(
i take things to heart aswell, and it will prob put me off dating for a few weeks
I JUST WANNA B LOVED :)
ive been single a year now and the one thing i want more than anything is a settled relationship
i made a drunken mistake on the weekend and i dont want to lower myself to that anymore, i just want a nice girl.
im 24, decent looking and decent job so whats the big prob?
ive been on 2 dates now with older girls, both were very good looking, one was 29 and the other 25, both ended similarly with them making excuses and going just as i thought we were getting on
both text me afterwards saying we are just not suited etc.
the bad thing is, the people who are attracted to me are all younger like 18 / 19 and im just not interested - i cant put my finger on it
am i just a bore? why would anyone want to leave halfway through a date :(
i take things to heart aswell, and it will prob put me off dating for a few weeks
I JUST WANNA B LOVED :)
Answers
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Hi jibjab. For me, two things in particular stand out in what you have said so far...
1) That two people have left midway through a date and have later texted you to say you are not suited.
One person doing that could be shrugged off, but two people doing exactly the same means that something about the date has put them off. The clue may be in the next thing that stood out to me...
2) You do talk an awful lot on dates.
Well maybe that is the problem. Perhaps you are not giving your dates the chance to have a two way conversation? If they can't get a word in edgeways then it isn't going to be conducive to making them want to spend time with you. Especially if you are talking about your own likes, dislikes and general opinions. A girl wants to feel that you are interested in HER!
I have a feeling that because of your lack of confidence you are trying to 'sell' yourself. By that I mean telling them all about yourself and trying to get them to like you. Getting to know someone takes time, it can't happen all in the space of a couple of hours. Some people might just click straight away but that isn't always the way it works.
CONTINUED IN NEXT POST........
1) That two people have left midway through a date and have later texted you to say you are not suited.
One person doing that could be shrugged off, but two people doing exactly the same means that something about the date has put them off. The clue may be in the next thing that stood out to me...
2) You do talk an awful lot on dates.
Well maybe that is the problem. Perhaps you are not giving your dates the chance to have a two way conversation? If they can't get a word in edgeways then it isn't going to be conducive to making them want to spend time with you. Especially if you are talking about your own likes, dislikes and general opinions. A girl wants to feel that you are interested in HER!
I have a feeling that because of your lack of confidence you are trying to 'sell' yourself. By that I mean telling them all about yourself and trying to get them to like you. Getting to know someone takes time, it can't happen all in the space of a couple of hours. Some people might just click straight away but that isn't always the way it works.
CONTINUED IN NEXT POST........
My advice for your next date is relax, be your natural self and don't try too hard to make the girl like you. You must have come across as desperate for a serious relationship which made those two girls run for the hills! Nobody would be too impressed by a bloke coming on too heavy on a first date. You obviously made it clear that was where you were at or they wouldn't have texted to say you were incompatible. If a girl isn't impressed by a bloke they generally make excuses when you ask to meet them again. That however, was a clear statement that they wanted you to back off!
Next time ask the girl some questions about herself; what music she likes, has she been to any concerts recently, what's her favourite film etc. You know the sort of stuff I mean. Listen to her and show that you are paying attention to her answers, but for God's sake don't bombard her with questions! You don't want her to feel like she's at an interview! Make sure it's a two-way conversation.
You said you are very cheeky too. Be humorous by all means, we love a guy with a sense of humour, but don't make any sarcastic comments about her tastes and opinions or she will think you are ridiculing her and you'll get nowhere.
Try treating the girls you meet/date like they are one of your everyday mates (not a potential wife!) and just act normal. You want a girl who likes you for who you really are. So just be relaxed and natural. Let them decide if they like you and don't try to sell yourself as great boyfriend material. Conversely, don't put yourself down either, It is equally off-putting. Be positive and upbeat. And don't, whatever you do, say that you just want to be loved! You'll come across as a desperate wimp.
Lastly, don't have great expectations of what will happen next. Let things take their natural course. If you aren't compatible, well hey ho, so what? There will be other opportunities. There always are. Especially
Next time ask the girl some questions about herself; what music she likes, has she been to any concerts recently, what's her favourite film etc. You know the sort of stuff I mean. Listen to her and show that you are paying attention to her answers, but for God's sake don't bombard her with questions! You don't want her to feel like she's at an interview! Make sure it's a two-way conversation.
You said you are very cheeky too. Be humorous by all means, we love a guy with a sense of humour, but don't make any sarcastic comments about her tastes and opinions or she will think you are ridiculing her and you'll get nowhere.
Try treating the girls you meet/date like they are one of your everyday mates (not a potential wife!) and just act normal. You want a girl who likes you for who you really are. So just be relaxed and natural. Let them decide if they like you and don't try to sell yourself as great boyfriend material. Conversely, don't put yourself down either, It is equally off-putting. Be positive and upbeat. And don't, whatever you do, say that you just want to be loved! You'll come across as a desperate wimp.
Lastly, don't have great expectations of what will happen next. Let things take their natural course. If you aren't compatible, well hey ho, so what? There will be other opportunities. There always are. Especially
<what happened to the end of my last post?>
I was about to say.....especially if you stop actively seeking them.
In my late twenties I decided I was quite happy with my lot and wasn't interested in looking for a serious relationship. I went out with my mates, had a laugh and just enjoyed myself making the most of what came along. Well I had never had so much male attention in my life! I concluded that it must be infinitely more attractive to others if you are happy with who you are and what you have got. I suppose it must appear that you are happy, confident and self-assured as opposed to the unattractiveness of seeking someone to fill in the gaps in your life.
I was about to say.....especially if you stop actively seeking them.
In my late twenties I decided I was quite happy with my lot and wasn't interested in looking for a serious relationship. I went out with my mates, had a laugh and just enjoyed myself making the most of what came along. Well I had never had so much male attention in my life! I concluded that it must be infinitely more attractive to others if you are happy with who you are and what you have got. I suppose it must appear that you are happy, confident and self-assured as opposed to the unattractiveness of seeking someone to fill in the gaps in your life.
Awww, jibjab, I didn't mean to make you feel more of a loser. Your low self esteem is showing, don't be so hard on yourself.
From what you have just said, you sound to me like you have every reason to be confident about yourself but that you are focusing on your shyness. Stop over compensating for your mates' being so laddish too. Be natural, be who you are and don't let anyone tell you different.
You seem like a nice bloke that just lacks confidence. When the right girl for you comes along I am sure you will make a great boyfriend so long as you allow the relationship to take it's natural course and don't force it along.
I wish you all the best.
A x
From what you have just said, you sound to me like you have every reason to be confident about yourself but that you are focusing on your shyness. Stop over compensating for your mates' being so laddish too. Be natural, be who you are and don't let anyone tell you different.
You seem like a nice bloke that just lacks confidence. When the right girl for you comes along I am sure you will make a great boyfriend so long as you allow the relationship to take it's natural course and don't force it along.
I wish you all the best.
A x
Jib Jab,
This is about you not them
I am 45 and still don't know how some women tick.
I have 5 sons 21 18 15 and twins of 13, they don't know how some women tick. Mars and venus and all that.
I was married for 14 yrs from very young. I thought settling down and getting married was the most inportant thing.
It is not.
The most important thing is finding yourself who you are and being content (sometimes).
You are lonely and will always be
you cannot live on others happiness or emotions. If you try you will remain empty .
You need to look within,
You may be a boring person and unhappy , your psyche is trying to tell yourself to change. Do it.
Live life .
WE get back what we give, Give to others give yourself
This is about you not them
I am 45 and still don't know how some women tick.
I have 5 sons 21 18 15 and twins of 13, they don't know how some women tick. Mars and venus and all that.
I was married for 14 yrs from very young. I thought settling down and getting married was the most inportant thing.
It is not.
The most important thing is finding yourself who you are and being content (sometimes).
You are lonely and will always be
you cannot live on others happiness or emotions. If you try you will remain empty .
You need to look within,
You may be a boring person and unhappy , your psyche is trying to tell yourself to change. Do it.
Live life .
WE get back what we give, Give to others give yourself
Part two, the best bit
Move from North Wales. I know Bwlch Gwyn very well and live in Wales now. You need to get away , you can always come back.
Travel changes people, I recommend going to Africa.
I work in other places in the world.
How can you be interesting if you have not experienced life and know at least a little about yourself?
You should hear what many Australian and South African women say about how spineless British men are... some are.
We have life so easy here.. it is easy to go with the flow and disappear in the crowd.
Take some time off, I can link you up with places Africa,
Go and work with a charity.
Two weeks with disabled orphans in Northern Kenya will change you for ever. It will break your heart and fill it with the most amazing feelings. What can you give them ? time , attention, they will give you love and maybe worms .
Or living in mud huts with the Maasai. Life is hard but it fills your heart
You will see life in its raw natural state the beauty and the pain. It will make you angry at a world and love it too.
I have done it so have my sons and those I have taken with me.
You can do anything you can imagine the only thing that limits us is our own inactivity and lack of imagination.
You cannot you find someone you will be happy with
You need to be happy because you give to a person selflessly who themselves reflects and adds to the sunshine you give them.
But you need to find yourself and accept yourself first.
Its tough its hard but it works and you can do it
Move from North Wales. I know Bwlch Gwyn very well and live in Wales now. You need to get away , you can always come back.
Travel changes people, I recommend going to Africa.
I work in other places in the world.
How can you be interesting if you have not experienced life and know at least a little about yourself?
You should hear what many Australian and South African women say about how spineless British men are... some are.
We have life so easy here.. it is easy to go with the flow and disappear in the crowd.
Take some time off, I can link you up with places Africa,
Go and work with a charity.
Two weeks with disabled orphans in Northern Kenya will change you for ever. It will break your heart and fill it with the most amazing feelings. What can you give them ? time , attention, they will give you love and maybe worms .
Or living in mud huts with the Maasai. Life is hard but it fills your heart
You will see life in its raw natural state the beauty and the pain. It will make you angry at a world and love it too.
I have done it so have my sons and those I have taken with me.
You can do anything you can imagine the only thing that limits us is our own inactivity and lack of imagination.
You cannot you find someone you will be happy with
You need to be happy because you give to a person selflessly who themselves reflects and adds to the sunshine you give them.
But you need to find yourself and accept yourself first.
Its tough its hard but it works and you can do it
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