BF trouble.... AGAIN!!! :@argh!

[Kaylz1988]

Well basically as you all probably know me and my bloke have been getting along really well for the past 2 and a half weeks!

Well that all changed at the weekend! Theres this girl, who he knows through his cousin. And they used to know each other back in his younger years. But he aint seen her in a while up until recent. So any who... I found a text on his phone last month to a number he didnt have saved in his phone that he sent, saying: thanks for the spliff. It was nice seeing you today! So I was thinking hmmm cant be a bloke a little to mushy! So i looked in his other phone and the number was saved under C! So I asked him whos C, he said someone he picked up from he thinks. So anyway I rang the number a girl answered!! So I asked him why are you lying for its a girl! And said who was it nice seeing today! He then said his cousins friend blah blah. So I asked him why did he lie to me! I hate lying. And its something hes never done b4. So anyways following wkend he tells me hes going park with his boys, turns out his cousin and all her mates (including this girl) are there. Never told me this! So I went mad that hes lied again! He told me theres nothing going on between them ect. But I just really dont know! Then over the weekend just gone I see he called her again, I never said nothing until I looked again and he deleted the calls!! so I confronted him asked why he rang her. He said probably something to do with his cousin! PROBABLY... is he trying to cover something up??

I spoke to him last night and said hes giving me excuses not to trust him, when hes lying and covering things up!
continues..

[Sasha13]

If you go mad at him everytime you find that he's spoken to this girl, is it any wonder he's hiding it from you?

[Kaylz1988]

Yes, but I had a male mate who Id known for about 3years before I met him! And he hated the fact we used to talk and so on. So it got to the point he was so insecure about it, I stopped talking to him. One rule for him completley different one for me.

When ever he goes out with his cousins and all her friends and her blokes, he dont invite me! Its like he trying to hide something!

[Sasha13]

I don't think that stopping speaking to your friend was the right way to go about it - it just tells him that it's ok for him to get in a strop for you having male friends.

If he feels like he's going to cause a row then he won't invite you out with them!

Has your boyf ever cheated on you? Is there any reason for you to believe (other than speaking to a member of the opposite sex) that he might?

[Kaylz1988]

No hes never cheated on me. But an ex of mine did. Maybe it is just me being paranoid!

[Sasha13]

I think it's only natural that your spidey sense is tingling but it could be that your previous experience is clouding your judgement a little. Why not sit down and talk to him - say that you may have over reacted based on what's happened to you in the past. Tell him it's not necessarily the fact that he's talking to this girl that's bugging you, more the fact that he's hiding it. Ask if you can all go out for a drink together and see how you feel about things after that.

[Kaylz1988]

Yeah that seems like a good idea! Thanks :-)

[fayelc123]

Hey hun, i would be pretty annoyed too if that was my bloke. Not the fact that he is mates with other girls, but the lieing. i don't really have much advice, i guess you've already tried telling him how you feel without moaning?
I don't agree at all with you having to stop talking to your mates that are blokes, but then at the end of the day that was your choice to give up your friend for him. Personally i wouldn't have done that but you obviously was ok with it. How long have you & your bf been together?
It doesn't sound like you trust him hun & you need to decide what to do know otherwise it will get worse, sounds like you are driving yourself mad with worry & you can't keep checking his phone for the rest of the time your together. You need to make a decision now whether you can trust him & carry on with things the way they are. Personally i don't think he sounds like a very nice bloke, lieing to you & wanting to stop you from talking to your friends. I've been in a similar situation before, & it;s not nice.

[Kaylz1988]

We've been together 2years! I do trust him but just not with her. Its just her. The lying thats what made it escalate!

I know what I want, I want to be with him. I do want to make it work. He isn't a bad person. Everyone says he adores me. His Mums telling me all the time!

Everything else between us is just so good. We'd have a really good relationship if it wasnt for this girl situation! We were going through a really bad patch last month and have just recently started getting on so well. I dont want to lose that! Just want him to understand how I'm feeling

[fayelc123]

Well if you have told him how you feel & he's said that she is just a friend then it looks like you will just have to understand that he is going to be friends with her no matter what. If that's what you want & you do trust him then maybe you should stop checking his phone. That way you can't moan or question him when you see that he's called her. You say that you trust him & want to be with him & you've told him how you feel then i can't really see what else you can do

[Sasha13]

I know how you feel, believe me. But at the end of the day you have to remember that shouting and accusing will only make the situation worse.

I find it interesting that you say it's just that you don't trust him 'with her' - if this situation repeated itself in 6 months with another girl, would you feel the same way?

Him lying to you is not on. But you have to see that he MAY only be doing that to avoid a confrontation.

[ummmm]

Why the hell are you looking through his phone?

[Kaylz1988]

Coz he kept lying to me!

[fayelc123]

You say that you trust him but he keeps lieing to you & you check his phone.
Do you really think you can carry with your relationship like this? I do feel for you but you've already lost a friend for him, what is he doing to make you feel better? Apart from lieing to you.
Do you think he will stop lieing now? Or do you think it will carry on, with him still speaking to her, lieing to you & not inviting you out when she's around? What exactly is he doing now to make things better now that he knows how you feel?

[ummmm]

You said you found a text on his phone. Then checked his other phone.

It's private.....would you open his mail?

[Gevs1966]

Finish it and wait until you're mature enough to have a trusting relationship