Boyfriend cheating past

[Nat82]

I have been with my bf for 8 months. Him and his wife split up last year after 17 years, 5 years of it they were married. They were always breaking up and getting back together, he had an 18 month affair with someone at work and cheated on her before this aswell. He says he was never truly in love with her and never felt any guilt, and the only reason he stayed was because of his kids. There is no excuse to have an affair in my eyes!! My problem is that it makes me feel very insecure and worried he'll cheat on me, I know everyone has a past but I do worry about his! any advice?

[Kaylz1988]

Well I dont think you should put your self in such a stupid situation. You knew the kind of person he was, what makes you think hes going to be any different with you hun ? Very unlikely that he will isn't it?

Personally I say get out b4 u get in to deep.

[4getmenot]

You have every right to feel a bit insecure but if you cant get over that you shouldnt be with him. he doesnt sound like a nice man anyway if he cheated on her and kept going back.

[Kaylz1988]

4getme always talks sense lol :-)

[jno]

you're right to feel insecure. Fidelity doesn't seem to play a big part in this guy's life. And someone who feels no guilt... well, a bit like Tony Blair. Personally I'd be running quite fast in the other direction.

[Squish]

You should think carefully about this relationship. Maybe that was his past and he has grown up now and wants to be different. Then again you are always going to have to be very much aware of what he could be up to.

I was with a guy for a very short time who had previously been married. He constantly cheated on his poor wife with many different women and eventually they split up while she was expecting his first child. He got with one of the "other women" who he claimed to love more than anyone. Only while she was pregant also, about 2 years after the breakdown of his marriage, he was cheating on her with me. Of course as soon as I found out , it was over between us and he's one I'm sure will never change.

I think you should be very careful and give this lots of thought. Will you ever be able to trust him and if not, then whats a relationship with no trust?

[Kaylz1988]

Ohhh hello sir... :-)

[Kaylz1988]

No :-( no 3.30 fin!!!
Going out tonight though :-) up london where u from hun?
What you up 2 tonight

Yeah sorted it out! Spoke to his mum about it and she told me that the girl is like his cousin. They've grown up together since they were young bout 2-3!! :-)

[Kaylz1988]

Oh and totally agree bout the site.
Everyones so lovely... spesh you and of course 4getmenot x

[4getmenot]

ta me ol mucker ;-) although some people would think people give better advice on here than they do in life but I do give the same advice and am a bit blunt sometimes but hey if you cant handle the heat....dont ask my advice :-)

[Kaylz1988]

You to... :-) xx

[4getmenot]

and you both :-)

[hawky204]

I can only talk about my own expereince, but i never went looking for or expecting anything I just feel (Soulmate and me both do) it was fate and meant to happen. Even when we went out the 2nd time, it was just to talk about what had happened, with no expectations. I'm certain it won't happen to me again although perhaps I am trying to convince myself there is a difference between a once scenrio that resulted in love with the person I should be with and repeat 'offenders'. History is a good basis for future behaviour, but.....

If it helps you, I think there is a big difference if he has totally split from his wife and there is no chance of him going back 'for his kids'. If he didn't love his wife I can really understand why he stayed for the children. If he has made that break I think things are much more positive for you.

I'd express your concerns to him. Hope it all works out!

[Kaylz1988]

Yes but hawky... Hes a serial cheat!!!
She doesnt trust him! So really theres not much hope!

[garry745]

My feelings on this is that once trust goes out of a relationship, then that relationship is doomed. It's very difficult to recover that trust, and based upon my experiences, I'd say it's impossible.

[hawky204]

As far as we know he has never cheated on you, Nat. His past isn't a great track record and you should be cautious but give him a chance. I need my soulmate to give me a chance and if it works it willl be brilliant., Give your guy a chance if he scews up bin him but it is worth going for it if you really feel for him. Do you?

[Nat82]

Thanks hawky, yes I do I love him to bits! We are like best friends. Him and his wife never spent anytime together for years, they always went out separately every weekend because he said they never enjoyed each others company. She has now moved on and is with someone else and told him she realised she hasn't loved him for quite a few years (this was last June), and me and him spend every weekend together. I know he hasn't cheated on me (as yet!) and he says he never would and would talk to me first if he thought things weren't right, but I sometimes can't help but think about his past and I put myself in his wife's position and wonder if he might ever lie to me like he did to her. That's what I need to get over.