His past is always here

[Chickens2000]

The other day I found a photo in my fiancee's wallet of an ex girlfriend. They split up about a year and a half ago & he was with someone else after that. I've had issues with this particular ex for a while as when we 1st got together he constantly talked about her as if they were still together. He had masses of photo's on his computer of her and as I was upset he deleted them but when I was on the computer recently there were still masses. She still emails him reguarly but I don't think he replies. I said to get married I need to know this is the best relationship BOTH of us have ever been in and that we have to be more in love than we've ever been. He said he has been at least equally in love in the past. He thinks I'm not giving my all to the relationship but to be honest my guard is up because I'm not sure of his feelings. He said if I think he's been in better relationships then I should try to make this one the best. Any advice??

[4getmenot]

I think you're asking a bit too much to tell you that its the most he's ever felt for anyone being with you. Sometimes we love someone alot and just cant be with them it doesnt mean that the next person that comes along we have to love more than them. There is different kinds of love. I love my new bloke but I guess I wont love him as much as my ex because he was my first love but doesnt mean that I cant love my new bloke and be with him. However I would have words about him having a photo in his wallet, she needs to be put away in a draw or something, you cant get rid of someones memories.

[Chickens2000]

I can see where you are coming from and in my past relationships I've never really cared but this time I'm meant to be marrying him and I guess I've always had the image in my mind that when you want to marry someone it has to be the most important relationship you've been in. You can't come second to anyone else. I know this is probably just a silly image which is no good in the real world but I find it hard to let go of and accept that maybe there is a wman who means more to him and who he'd rather be with.

[4getmenot]

my ex I cant be with for certain reasons but I love him in a different way to my new love and always will otherwise it wasnt love. If you got with someone who's ex had died you wouldnt tell them they had to love you more. I'm sure he loves you so much, but maybe he needs to make a decision to break contact with his ex well at least not e-mail her so much.

[Kaylz1988]

Yeah I agree with 4getme. My ex is my first love. And I cant imagine loving sum1 the way I love him. Your first love is always so special. xx

[browneyedgir]

Chickens2000 - I know this is a longshot but you don't live in Watford do you?

[Fiszi]

I agree that your first love is often the most special because you give it your all with no fear of getting hurt so you don't hold back but it is a completely different love and the man you marry should be special in a different way, more mature way. When most people look back on their first relationships I think they realise it was maybe very special as it was the fisrt time but also very immature because you learn a lot as you go through relationships and he should be in a better possition to judge what he wants now. I don't think there should be anyone in his past who means more to him than you and you shouldn't feel like he's just making do. Like everyone, you deserve the best, not to feel like 2nd best. xx

[caramel22]

That is so wrong that he was still carrying a photo of his ex in his wallet. I would have finished it there and then! i know its hard if you love someone but if you feel second best then can you truly be happy with him? do you think he would rather be with her or you?