Met through a dating website

[brissney]

I met my boyfriend through a dating website a couple of months ago. We met in person about a month ago and have seen a lot of each other ever since. We have been getting on really well and he even said he loved me. The problem is, when we met and started seeing each other, I cancelled my site on the dating website and I assumed he'd done the same. However, a friend of mine has now joined and I was helping her search for local guys when I saw my bf's profile still up there, and it said he had been online in the last 3 days. I'm really not sure what to do. He is on holiday at the minute for two weeks (with his ex-girlfriend, but hey, that's a whole other problem) so I can't ask him about it. Now I am really paranoid, is he still looking for someone else? Have a misread things? Aarrggh! Pls help?

[4getmenot]

maybe he just forgot to take it off. Or maybe its still early days it has only been a month.

[brissney]

But if he forgot, why has he checked it in the last 3 days? I know it's still early days, I've tried to keep things from getting too complicated too early but he is the one who said he loved me. Oh, I will never get this relationship lark!

[4getmenot]

maybe just to have a nose, those websites arent always about dating, maybe he has friends through it. I'm still on some

[4getmenot]

you know what zac I hadnt even seen that. After reading it again yes you should be worried and I wouldnt have got involved with this guy at all. Probably not even his ex.

[redcrx]

3 years after meeting my fella on a sort of dating site, and with a 2 year old child we are both still on there.
If we get a message on there we will log-in to check althought we are not actively using it.

I must admit that I still used mine a month into our relationship but it wasnt to date other men, just to keep my profile open as a 'just in case' i suppose.

I would also go out with my ex on a regular basis and it was all completely innocent.

Until you can speak to him then dont go making any decisions.

[tiny e.a]

It's easy to say but I think you should try to stop panicing about it until he is back from holiday, until you speak to him you aren't going to get any answers so it's best not to keep going over things on your own, things can get blown out of proportion too easily like that.

When he returns from holiday just meet up with him as usual and ask him about still being on the site, try to say it casually rather than accusingly. He may be able to give you a satisfactory explaination or he may not, but either way you will be able to make a better decision after your talk than you will without seeing him.

[caramel22]

Does it not bother you that he is on holiday with his ex?

[brissney]

Yes it bothers me but he was honest about the holiday right from the start. They booked it a year ago long before they split and his ex couldn't find anyone to take his place. I really don't think anything is going on between them.
He never actually said he was taking his profile off the dating site, I just assumed he had because I had. So again, he hasn't lied about it. My main problem is that he is still checking it, it kinda feels like he's looking to see if there's anyone better on there.

[NORMANTHEDOG]

have you shagged him yet

[Le Chat]

You gut instinct will be the correct one. Don't override it just because you want things to turn out well.

[brissney]

What has whether I've slept with him or not got to do with it?
I know I should go with my gut instinct but hey, I'm an eternal optimist when it comes to relationships (possibly why I've a failed marriage behind me already at the young age of 24!!)

[888sally888]

Sorry to be so honest, but I dont like the sound of him. Still on a website - on holiday with an ex. Be really careful - this would worry me and to be honest I wouldnt accept this.

[paul 1]

i think hes playing u like a fiddle.. dump him and move on. you should not hang on to someone out of need and take what they say..

can you let me know which site u were using?

[4getmenot]

after a month you cannot know this bloke at all. Get rid.

[brissney]

I know it all sounds bad, and to be honest, now that I see it written down it does look quite suspicious. I'm still going to wait until he returns from holiday and ask him about the website. He has been very open and honest about everything else so I don't see why he won't be about that (there's that optimism again!)

It was match.com and I wasn't really happy about signing up to it in the first place, it felt weird. But I have found it really difficult to meet new people, I have moved to a new town and seem to have lost most of my friends in the divorce too.

I think maybe I'll give the single life another go!

[idly_enjoys]

A guy I was seeing who I met online said that he went back on there sometimes "just to send polite replies to people who had contacted him."

We're not together anymore.

[Nat82]

I caught my boyfriend signing up to a dating site not long ago!! I've been with him for a year!! He said he was just curious and him and his mates had a laugh at the profiles and pictures on there etc. Typical men like attention! I know my man would never cheat on me, but he loves to boost his ego and lets me know when another woman is attracted to him! So sad really. But they are insecure creatures! They also ALL like porn, it's just men! I wouldn't say your boyfriend was looking for 'someone better', but plainly ...just looking! Unfortunately it's what men do. They will also tell stupid little lies to try stop them getting into trouble! Pathetic.

Although going on holiday with an ex is another issue! But if you're cool with it and you know there's nothing going on, I wouldn't worry about the dating site.