What the ....

[hippyhoppy]

My husband left us at Easter. However it was decided to be adult with him coming over every now and again to see the children. We even booked a holiday to see my 'outlaws' who live in Majorca. I went for three weeks with the children and he came out for the last week. Incidentally that last week I spent in his boudouir, if you see what I'm saying... Now were back in old blighty he's nots interested in the sligtested.. should I persue a new Boyfriend? or see if he comes round?

[nuoyg]

Hello, do you mind me asking why he left? It may help me answer your q...how long had you been together?

[hippyhoppy]

Married 13 years - kids 13 (you do the math!), and 8. Didn't like the mess the kids made (!) how can you live with an 8 year old and not have Pokemon left right and centre?

[nuoyg]

Hiya hippyhoppy. Well if no one else is involved and you have been together that long I could understand why you'd not want to throw the relationship away. However, the dude can't have his cake and eat it and whilst they are they're not going to make the effort to be serious as they're getting away with living the best of both worlds (if they see it like that)...so I think you need to have a serious talk with him and see what he wants. Personally - and I know it's easy for me to type, I would never get into splitting up with someone and then spending 'time' with them (if that makes sense) as they're having their cake and eating it and it's not fair on you. I think he has to realise kids are messy too! And he has to work at getting YOU back, it was him that walked out...

[hippyhoppy]

So should I be 'cool' and not be interestered? after 5 nights of mind blowing sex after 6 or so months, more actually as he seemed to drift away pre X mas...

[nuoyg]

It depends what you want long term I guess. If he knows you that well he may well know you are playing the game...you could try a bit of cool and uniterested at first and see how it pans out....and then go back to the drawing board...

[hippyhoppy]

Long term - my sisters are giving me grief as I've not told mum or dad that he's left. I don't see it as a major problem as whenever I go to see them it's just me and the kids any hoo. Mum has enough on her plate and it's all very 'amicable'...however if I find out there is 'someone else' I shall turn into Kathy Bates aka Misery.....

[leelapops]

hippyhoppy, it's your relationship and it's easy for people outside of it to preach.

It seems he is messing with your head, and I don't think that's fair. As nuoyg said, "having his cake.." (if cake is a euphemism for something else!)

Was he having a midlife? I mean, not liking the kids being messy? Was that his EXCUSE for leaving you? Because if so then that is the most pathetic reasoning I have ever heard, and he doesn't even deserve for you to be contemplating this. Don't "play it cool", don't play it at all. He doesn't deserve you or your lovely kids, and he can p*** off and be lonely and sad for the rest of his miserable life. I realise he is the father of your kids, and I know that's a strong bond, but what kind of fathet uses his kids as an excuse for leaving his home?

[nuoyg]

Hiya hippyhoppy and leelapops.

hippyhoppy, after your last update I think you're being too good to him, all the time you're giving him that level of choice and freedom he will not feel the need to work at the relationship. I think he should be working really hard and making you see he has altered and (without sounding like a loreal advert - ) is worth it. You sound like a really nice person and it's not fair if he is going to mess you about...that said it's easy just to stop loving someone. But I do think if it's to work he has to commit and not go running when there is a bit of mess in the house. I'd go the Elen Rives route (did you see her in the paper - striding ahead in front of Frank Lampard?) - that bag spoke volumes...and make him work for it!!

[johnlambert]

Sex "on tap" is great for a guy, if he thinks he can get his cake + eat it, then that's what he'll do, get a new fella hippyhoppy

[hippyhoppy]

Thank you all for your answers. I have made a decision to pop the house on the market and buy somewhere else where he doesn't have a key and can't get himself in any time he likes. also, going to join a gym, find a foxy fella and rub his nose in it.. how's that for a plan?

[legend760]

if you wanna be a puppet on a string youd be foolish in my opinion.
but as for rubbing his nose in it , why bother?
just move on , find a nice guy.
he doesnt need to be a foxxy guy just a nice one .#
#forget the ex and try to find some true happiness with someone who cares about you hippy ok ?

[dimwithwit]

Let me get this straight; he left you at easter, but stopped having s e x at xmas, you went on holiday with him with his parents and you had s e x whilst away, now home he's gone back to being all seperate again. Course there is someone else, he left because of mess??? not because you drifted appart and weren't intimate anymore and didn't have anything in common.
Were you in love when you got married, or was it just because of the baby? Did you plan the baby together, or was it a trap? This does make a difference, I think.
Sounds like he's in a right mess, or a complete ........ you'll be telling us next he's re-mortgaged the house just before he left, with some unknown finance creditors, where you can't get your money back... So you can't move, then you really will turn into Kathy Bates ... misery...
Gym - always a good idea.
Surprise him tonight, bet he's got someone staying with him.
New man, if he has someone else he won't care if you get someone else, that will only mak it easier for him.
What does his parents think - you in his bedroom - then him not wanting to know you?
I don't get that bit really. - unless he's just a sh--ger
Let us know how you get on.

[dimwithwit]

Can I just ask one more question?
Did you seduce him on holiday, or did he seduce you?

[hippyhoppy]

dear dimwithhit.. I belive that when we got married it was for life. I agree that timing wasn't great and that a wedding in the tropics was our personal cohoice, however, my father being of old school wanted me to be a wife before a mother... any hoo.. re the old holiday. All rather confusing. He came over on the Friday v late (2am) and the on the Saturday we all all( me he and outaws) went for an evening meal and a show and stuff just happened... it was so natural. Then every evening after that it was so normal for us to 'slumber' together. Incedently, I share a room with my son whilst away and the old outlaws knew nothing about the 'liasions' as far aw I'm aware, as they slept upstairs in a traditional spanish home. He insists that there is no-one else. Maybe I should stalk him for a bit, but I'd rather have a lovely man for myself....

[nuoyg]

hiya hh, hows things?...i'd defo take he's key back...he left, make him knock like everyone else...it's not fair on you he comes and go as he pleases. : )

[hippyhoppy]

Can I change the locks legally? Surel'y he's entitled to see his children whenever he wants? However, if I moved out of the family home he has no comeback. I'm a titchy bit scared and need succor. If anyone is near Derby in the near future please help me....

[nuoyg]

No, I meant ask him for his keys back...just say that he moved out and you don't mind him coming round whenever he wants to but you'd like him to knock first. He doesn't live there any more so he doesn't have the right to come and go as he pleases kind of thing.....

[legend760]

drop him like hot rocks.

hes using you.

dont be used set yourself free girl

[hippyhoppy]

I think that he would not agree to handing his keys over as this was 'his home' and 'his kids' live here. I think that if we moved to a new home then he wouldn't be so attached and be more likely to knock or agree to meet elsewhere...