Moving on...

[d.i.v.a.]

How do you move on after a break up?

And is it definitely better just to leave things if it was the other person who finished it, rather than getting in touch to say you miss them or want them back? Does it ever do any good to contact someone who dumped you or is there a chance they might realise they've made a huge mistake?

I'm not dealing with it well and I'm really fighting with myself not to contact him, I can't get him out my head, pathetic or what?!

[Petal~flower]

hi d.i.v.a, no you are not pathetic at all. When my ex finished with me. I felt the same as you. I struggled to get through each day. We did make contact, but as time has gone on, I find I think about him less (a good thing) and I think about him less too.
Time is a great healer. Honest

How recent was your breakup?

[Petal~flower]

sorry, repeated myself, meant to say, feel the need to contact him less too. But he had also contacted me. As he wanted us to be mates!!!!

[d.i.v.a.]

It was only 3 days ago but I swear it's been the longest 3 days of my life. I have barely felt like getting up in the morning, I'm barely sleeping or eating... I just can't... And when I wake up I think for a moment it may have been a dream, and then I realise it's really happening... it really is over...

[Petal~flower]

I know exactly how you are feeling. I was in that place a few months ago, when the ex decided to call it a day with me. And yes I struggled to get out of bed, could not stop thinking about him. Imagining him with other women (that in my head, I thought he had met already)

Where you together very long d.i.v.a ?

[d.i.v.a.]

It was only about 6 months but I felt things for him I didn't even feel in a 10 year relationship.

[Petal~flower]

Sorry for being nosey. But why did he break up with you?

[d.i.v.a.]

He basically found it difficult that I have kids... obviously he knew I did from day one but liked me so much he wanted to be ok with it... then in the end he realised he could never be, so broke it off now rather than later...

That's what I find so hard... we were so great together in all other areas... I've never had that with anyone...

[Petal~flower]

I dont think its cold Legend. Think you are right. But when you are in the first phase of a breakup, its so difficult isnt it?

I remember being obsessed with thought of the ex, and I guess thats how d.i.v.a. is feeling now.

But d.i.v.a, it does get better. I promise you

[jno]

d.i.v.a, that is such a big thing to disagree on. You can live with someone who forgets to put the toilet seat down or pick his socks up. But for a guy not to accept your kids - even if everything else is perfect, that has to be a relationship killer. It must feel awful; but perhaps you could try concentrating on your kids, telling yourself that they have been saved from living with someone who could never have loved them? Because it sounds as if that's what's happened. I can actually sympathise with anyone who rebels at the thought of becoming a step-parent. But the kids' welfare comes first.

[Petal~flower]

Like I said , I have been there. And it feels like sh*t now. But it will feel better. May take weeks, maybe months. I still think about my ex on a daily basis, but the thoughts I have now, are different to those I had when we first split.

[EngTeach]

Legend007, Forgive my ignorance but who is that in the video you posterd and what is the correct name of that song? I really liked it.

[EngTeach]

d.i.v.a-I am so sorry you are hurting now. Believe him when he sys he can't get past thechildren issue. I have been down the on/off road too many times Try hard not to call or answer his calls.
Do things with the children. Get showered and made up everyday, even though you don't want to. Call your friends. A lot. They've been there. The others are right time does help.

Your children will learn how to handle disappointments by watching you. It is healthy to let them see you grieve the loss the relationship, but it can't go on too long or too far either.

Good Luck and spoil yourself a little.

[blu3wave]

I think what you're going through is normal, breakup can be very painful and difficult especially if you've been with he person a long while. It seems like you'll always feel this way but it Will pass, you'll see .... it may take weeks or months but you'll wake up one morning and start feeling ok again. You might have felt it was the perfect person for you right now but in a few years time, looking back in hindsight you might change your mind....

I think you need to grieve a little, to get over it emotionally and then throw yourself into your work, family and friends. Keep yourself busy and socialising and spoil yourself every now and then. You need to take care of yourself and stay happy as you will find someone better, the 'right' person for you, when you are least expecting it.

[tonythebiker]

i don't think its easy my wife left me and it was not my thought just over 3 months ago and i still miss her i kept calling and texing her saying i love u and want u back and she got me nicked for harassment and i got 100 hours community work �43 fine and not allowed to contact her for a year and i would still have her back now so i would say its not easy to forget the 1 u love

[jordielaz]

don't contact hime! Staying in touch will just prolong the agony. Try and think of their bad points and focus on that. You will feel differently in time. Know its an old chestnut but there are loads of other men around!!!

[andy-hughes]

"Time is a great healer ...."

but remember, it took 'time' to create the universe.

The point is, there is no way of knowing how long this process will take.

The concept to remember is that you are grieving for your lost relationship, and grieving is a hard process.

Think of it less as a train on rails - moving forward all the time, each day is a day further away from the pain, and nearer to peace of mind. Think of it more as a sail boat on the sea. Some days you will sail along in the sunshine, motor running, calm sea, and so on. The next day, mast broken, Force Ten gale, rudder smashed, going where the seas and winds take you.

You will experience this, because grief will take you through it - it can vary sometimes from hour to hour, and you need to enjoy the peaks and ride out the troughs.

On good days, put your face on and go out, mix, mingle, talk, laugh, feel good.

On the bad days, stay in, spoil yourself, eat chocolate. styay in bed if you can, watch weepy DVD's, indluge yourself as much as you can.

Through this process, over time, you will heal, maybe never completely, but your wounds will never again be as deep and raw as they are today.

You will get past this, and yes it will hurt, but you will emerge a stronger person for it, and no-one will be able to hurt you this way again.

Life is an experience, but that doesn't mean the experince is always pleasant.

Hang in, it will get better.

Promise.

[amonty1144]

All good advice but andy hughes, that was truly beautiful. You and legend and his choice of songs have left me in tears, just feeling a bit vulnerable too.