Phone messages to ex-wife

[Libellule77]

My boyfriend left his mobile phone at mine the other day....and I know I shouldn't have done (wait for it!), but I flicked through his texts. He'd sent a message to his ex-wife who he claims to hate, saying how stunning she looked when he saw her when he went to collect his boys. Can't approach it with him, as he'll know I've been through his phone. But can't get it out of my head. Any suggestions ?

[4getmenot]

well I;m dancing in here and doing steps routines in another post. I;m exausted wipes hand across forehead

[Beads]

Panic Button ha ha ha

[Libellule77]

Panic Button - bet my fella will be wishing he had a phone like yours after I have this out with him !

[Panic Button]

Prepare for him to react badly. I would be furious if someone pryed into my belongings.

[dove]

woo hoo a party, haven been to a good knees up on here since cb, pleeeeeeeeease can I join in

[katerich48]

Libellule77... You sound like you want to think the worse of your boyfriend... Has he given you reason to suspect him of anything before? Or has he been the perfect boyfriend? 18 months is long enough for you to know what sort of a person he is by now... He has a lot of history with this woman (13 years?) unless those years were absolute hell - maybe he feels guilty that she is alone with their sons (no easy job) while he has a life and a relationship with you, and it may just be that he was trying to cheer her up nothing more... Maybe he likes to keep on her good side because of their children...the benefit of the doubt wouldn't hurt here. Unless of course whats really behind your feelings are that you want rid of him...Things are rarely black and white....

[Libellule77]

Katerich48 - you make some very valid points. Thanks x

[katerich48]

Just read your posting saying that he keeps texting and ringing you... sounds like he really likes you... I hope you don't feel the same - cos this could be the end of a beautiful friendship which you could have avoided...

[Libellule77]

Katerich48 - but do I want to be with a man who obviously has feelings for his exwife ?

[4getmenot]

I think you are right to talk to him and tell him how upset or worried its made you

[katerich48]

As I said 13 years is a long time and they have children you can't just forget that - I still see my ex regularly -I take our grandchildren up to stay with him and his new wife.... But I don't want him back...Life goes on. It just makes things so much easier when you have a civilised relationship and I'm sure my daughter was grateful she didn't have divorced parents who could barely be civil to one another...Its hard enough for kids as it is when parents divorce...

[Pippa68]

I wouldn't!

Mr Pippa had to have regular contact with his ex because of their daughter ~ never did he think to call her 'stunning'. And if I had found out he had he would have been out on his ear...especially at your stage of the relationship.

I have to say I did have fears about it though, especially since it was her who did the dumping. There are ways of cheering her up without complimenting her on her looks.

[katerich48]

Maybe i'ts just a case of "I love her - but I'm not in love with her"

[4getmenot]

theres a way to stay in contact with your ex for the children and all get on without saying you looked stunning today

[katerich48]

Pippa how do you know what Mr Pippa called his ex wife? ... Libellule has only found out by accident...

[confused79]

Yeah he has to keep contact quite rightly but no way should he be calling her stunning, its wrong wrong wrong, id love to know how he explains it. He is obviouisly worried now.

Ill also just add that when i found out some things about my partner and text him we need to talk, he did exact same thing, constant ringing me at work, texting to find out what it was,turns out he painced cos 2 weeks previous he slept with his ex.

Im not saying this atall has happened to you, just what it was with me.

On the other hand he may just be worried you wanting to end it with him and he dont want to lose you.

[4getmenot]

hardly by accident, she checked his phone!! :-)

[Libellule77]

confused79 - if he doesn't wanna lose me, he shouldn't be texting lovey dovey messages to his tramp of an ex wife...who may I just mention has slept with about a dozen blokes since they split up - mostly strangers she meets from the internet, and brings back to her house with 2 young boys being there - not right if you ask me !

[Sasha13]

After you saying to him 'we need to talk' he's going to think that you're about to dump him.

I would start off by saying you know that looking through his phone wasn't right, but you did and you can't change it. you found this message and want to know where you stand blah blah.

Hope it all goes well. x

[Sasha13]

Also, don't $lag off his ex to him! Not a good move!! x