Choosing choosing choosing

[Isotope]

I am in a difficult position and dont know what to do.
I left my husband because of his apalling behaviour earlier this year, and subsequently met a fantastic man I like very very much. I still loved my ex alot when we parted. My ex was so shocked by the new man that he hit rok bottom, joined AA and has now been sober for a couple of months. He is like a different person!
He wants us to give it another go, telling me he has always loved me deeply but has made some mistakes that he will not re-make, and just wants a chance to show me how good things can be again. I want him, but I just dont trust him not to hurt me. I want to keep him at arms length but am heartbroken at teh thought of it being over forever.
So I am tempted, but had made a good effort at letting him go and have been lucky enough to find a brilliant bloke who thinks the world of me, and who makes me tingle. I dont want to let him slip through my fingers,. What do I do?

[tissuepaper]

You have already tried with the ex. He may have changed but have you not found that you deserve better and have found better.
My advice is to keep your new relationship. He had his chance and there is the likelihood that he could go back to old ways. You know what that was like.

You are worth more than than and should take this opportunity with a new partner.

[888sally888]

My gut feeling is to advise you to try a relationship with the new man - he makes you tingle and you sound excited and happy when you described him.

I do believe (mostly) that a leaopard never changes its spots.

But, at the end of the day, I would say follow your gut feeling.

[feist]

wear mittens, butterfingers

[chicklin]

I agree with sally - I'd tend to stick with your new man.
It is notoriously difficult for an alcoholic to stay on the wagon - do you really want to risk going back to where you were before - but without the new man to be there for you?

I'd say your husband had his chance and blew it - but with your new man - you sound like you have a chance of happiness....good luck xx

[jno]

yes... go forward, not back. Drink doesn't really have anything to do with it: you're just torn between an old man and a new one. The usual answer, and the one that seems to work best, is to remind yourself that the old relationship ended for a reason, and the new one still has much to offer. (And in case you're secretly wondering... no, you don't owe it to him to go back to him just because he's dried out. He's dried out for his own reasons, and it'll turn around his life if he can stick with it. But that's his life, not yours now.)

[Doc Spock]

Sounds like on the rebound, out of the frying pan etc.

[fluffykitten]

stay with the new man, any man who makes u tingle is worth keeping!!!

let us know whot u do, and do it for yourself and YOUR happiness, its best not to have contact with your husband or it will make it very hard to move on

xxxx

[Ice-Maiden]

It sounds as though your ex's been shaken into realising the folly of his ways, but two months isn't anywhere near long enough to see if he's really changed, and I think you'd be making a mistake to have him back. Your new guy sounds lovely, but at least if your ex. can prove that he can turn himself around, he'll make a better partner for his next conquest, so it'd turn out best for all.

[juleejules]

It hasn't got to be one or the other - I would advise that you think carefully about your ex - do you in your heart of hearts trust him not to hurt you again? - if the answer is no, then you have your answer. Your new guy sounds as if he makes you happy - has he hurt you? do you want to explore the possibilities with him? if yes, then again you have your answer - which ever decision you make it may not work out - none of us can predict the future of relationships - hope you make the right decision for you and you are happy with it - don't do anything if you have any doubts

[juleejules]

when I said it didn't have to be one or the other I meant it could be neither

[WendyS]

IThis i obviously a big dilemma for you but I wonder whether you are really in a sufficiently emotional state to make a decision about either of them at the moment. Just because you have left one relationship, it doesn't mean that however pleasant your new man is, you have to plunge into a permanent relationship with him. You have only been separated from your husband for a few months. Perhaps you just need to have some time on your own to recover and have a conversation with yourself about how you want to go forward with your life. Yes, an alcoholic may revert to type and you might regret going back to him but that doesn't necessarily mean that you immediately have to fill the gap which he has left in your life. Don't rush to tie yourself up permanently in a new relationship. Be cautious and take your time, and try to develop some new interests in your life which help you to see yourself as an individual in your own right, rather than somebody else's partner. If you new boyfriend really cares about you, he will not mind giving you space and time to sort your emotions out properly first.