will i ever forget her ?

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

Over 20 years ago I met and lived with a girl who was I think the love of my life.
We had the most amazing life together and we lived as if we were the same person. Every aspect of the relationship was fantastic and the lovemaking was out of this world.
Sadly geography pulled us apart.
Since then I have met other women, dated, lived with and married some of them but nobody has ever lived up to my ex. It has really screwed up these relationships. I am now witha great person who I love to bits, and I know that she feels the same. But I can never seem to capture the same passion and excitement I had with that girl years ago.
I really don't want to lose my current lover but just don't know how to keep my ex out of my mind. Is there really just one true love for everyone ?

[4getmenot]

No, but there is different kinds of love, My bloke now is a very different love to my first love, I;m less obsessive :-) Sorry but how long before you jumped into these other relationships? Because I�m afraid there wont be another love for you because you didn�t give yourself time to move on from first one and you compare new girlfriends too much to your ex. Every relationship is different.

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

yes, I guess you are right. I have never really been on my own since her and have kind of drifted into relationships and even marriage (sorry but it's true!).
Thanks

[4getmenot]

So you�re saying you didn�t love these other women? And even married them??

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

in hindsight, yes i did. don't get me wrong, i did think the world of both of them, in different ways, but have never been able to close off my feelings for the ex all those years ago. i really is a problem for me in new relationships.

[4getmenot]

But you need to get it in your head that she's gone. Too many people miss too many oppurtunities because they either wont get in a relationship because they'll get hurt again or because when they do get in a relationship they just dont open themselves up enough. Its a shame. I think you did the wrong thing getting into relationships rather than making yourself happy and doing what you want to do and letting love come to you

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

for some reason i do attract women (no idea why, hardly an alpha male !) but they tend to be the wrong ones (really lovely people but they tend to smoother me) -

[4getmenot]

then why go out with them? If its fear of being lonely there are lots of single people out there doing what they want to do

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

fear of being lonely yes. but really i seem to get into friendships and then it just snowballs. don't get me wrong, my gf is really really special, but .......

[4GS]

It's called infatuation, you've moved on and so has she. I doubt that if you both got back together it would be the same as it was when you split up.

[4getmenot]

then see her as her, dont compare her all the time. This other girl has gone

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

cruel but fair, i guess. thanks

[sense4all]

Twenty years ago when you had no string of PO'd ex's or kids, mortgage, a child like view of the world, carefree employment and stress was a word you looked up in the dictionary? rofl. I put it to you those heady days are long gone "love the one your with" - properly. love Sense.

[4getmenot]

Am not meaning to sound cruel, honest I'm nice really :-) Even now I look back to my first love and remember the good times but it was years ago and times change.

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

yes, sense, but should heady days be a thing of the past ? wine gets better with age.

[4GS]

And we get older and wiser?

[mycats]

The girl you have in your head that you are in love with probably doesnt even exist anymoree. She will have had 20 years of life thrown at her too and will very likely be a very different person. She couldnt possible live up to the near perfect woman you have been fantasising about all these years.
I understand how you feel, honestly, but it would be nice if you could think about her fondly and smile but accept that it was just a happy good time in your past that has left you with lovely memories.
Good luck x

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

older - yes
wiser - i think so
too serious - certainly

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

thanx mycats, yes it is like a dream i had a long time ago, just one i cannot forget.

[andy-hughes]

I understand how you feel, but the advice given thus is sound.

You either live your life in the past, comparing any woman in your life - who will obviously fail - and being dissatisfied, or you learn to get a perspective on the situation.

Your love has gone, and the relationship you had with her has gone as well, and it is not coming back. Yes, you may pine for it, but you cannot allow it to poison the rest of your life - and that is what it is doing.

Make yourself invest time and emotion in your current - or next - remationship, and don't measure an innocent person who is going to fail without ever knowing why.

Your choice is to stay in the past, and avoid the possibility of a new love, or live in the present, with your past relationship firmly in its place - a memory, not a template for future relationships to fail by.

You have to make a decision, because living in the past is making you, and other, unhappy. Enjoy your memories, but keep in mind, that is what they are - memories.