Calling All MEN? Real Men!!!

[ftj001]

Serious Situation,

My husband and I met in high school almost 14 years ago. We have beed married for 6 1/2 years and we have 3 beautiful children together. I found out that my husband cheated on me last May and i have not been coping well with the situation. He didn't tell this women he was married and had a relationship on the side for almost a year. Will a man cheat or continue to cheat if he is in love? I don't think its possible. Now I think I'm falling out of love with him because of what he did.

[DarkMajes71c]

I have never cheated on any of the women i truely loved. I Know that if i did cheat on my current gf then i would not be in love with her and would end the releationship. You have the added complication of 3 kids and i would say stay together for their sake but if you feel that the trust is gone then you know what you have to do. good luck!!

[Narbadingi]

Short answer - it depends. He could have been obsessed, eclipsing his love for you like a drug-addict for heroin. If that's true, it's not real love. What you have together sounds much more real, and he did manage to kick the habit for you didn't he? It might have taken a while to realise his fantasy was an illusion, and what really counted was what he had, and if that is true he'll have learnt his mistake. Perhaps he now hates himself for falling into a dreadful mire, wants to make it up and re-earn your trust but doesn't know how. His treading on eggshells around you might just amplify your mistrust. If he's really sorry, and means it, then I'd say forgiveness is worth a try - once. People do make mistakes - sometimes dreadful ones. You can fall out of love with him for a while, and no-one can blame you as the anger and resentment of betrayal , but if the underlying strength of your love together is still there, if he's still the man you fell in love with 14 years ago, then it will ebb back again as surely as the tide. If it isn't, if he isn't - you'll know. Just be careful you're not acting out of anger, spite or revenge. If you were happy for 12 of the 14 years, maybe the only thing stopping you from being happy for the next 14 is the inability to forgive. Maybe he's not worth forgiving, but only you'll know that.

Good luck.

[andrea81]

Narbadingi
Well put, I agree whole hearted with this! Good luck chick x x x

[ftj001]

I hope he wasn't just obsessed with me that would be horriable. I asked myself, Can someone be obsessed over somebody that long? and sadly I guess the answer is yes. I hope I didn't misunderstand you. Are u saying that maybe he was obsessed with me all that time and realized that I wasn't the one. Clarify Please!

[andrea81]

ftj001

I think what Narbadingi was saying (or at least what I took it as) was that his affair is an obssesion and not real and what he has with you is more real, that is why he was able to kick the habit for YOU!

I know it must be hard, but just think about how many partners have affairs that their other halfs never find out about! I know it has happened to members who are close to me and it fizzled out, leaving their marriage in-tact and things as right as rain now!

I'm not saying it's right, but it happens more often than you think!

I think men and women do silly things sometimes, but I'm sure it's forgivable and you will feel differently in time! If he's willing to prove himself then let him!

Take care x

[linds1528]

i could never stay with a man that did that to me.