Been very ill and partner doesn't understand

[FunkyMouse]

I had a baby 2 1/2 weeks ago and he feeds every hour to two hours. As I breastfeed I can't share the load. Then on Tuesday I had a late post partum hemmorage and lost an estimated 2.5-3 litres of blood. I was discharged from hospital on Friday evening.

Obviously everything has left me feeing very weak and run down so I'm trying to recover but my partner doesn't understand at all and puts a lot of pressure on me to tidy up or go to the shop for him.

He works very long hours so I understand that he doesn't help out with our son or around the house but I don't know how to make him realise I can't cope with it all either and mess IS going to build up.

He works just downstairs and when he comes up a couple of times during the day to see me asleep on the sofa or sitting feeding our baby I think he thinks it's easy and he gets angry that mess is building up. He doesn't realise that when I'm alseep it's never for more than an hour at a time even at night and our baby is very demanding & hates to be put down which makes it hard to do anything.

He's a good guy but I don't know how to make him see and take some of the pressure off me. I don't feel like I can cope, especially with the pressure he puts on me. I don't have anyone else who I can rely on to come in and help me.

[suse17]

hi congratulations on the baby sorry to hear that you are feeling that your not getting the helpyou need i think that your husband is being very nieve and selfish and the longer that you dont speek up the longer it will go on and you will not get the rest or the help that you neeed.please please phone your midwife and explain how you are feeling and maybe she could descreitley have a littile word with your hubby.please please do this as soon as possible as you could end up with postnatal depression if you do not get the help now .hope this helps .good luck xx

[Aprilis]

Hello FunkyMouse, congratulations on the arrival of BabyMouse.

I agree with suse17. You need to speak to your midwife and explain how you are feeling. Once you have talked to her, perhaps she can arrange a visit requesting that your husband also be present. That way she can bring the matter up and ensure that he is fully informed about what can reasonably be expected under the circumstances.

You need to talk to her as soon as possible as you are a prime candidate for post-natal depression.

[Panic Button]

As a father of two I am saddened to hear of his lack of compassion.

You say 'He works very long hours so I understand that he doesn't help out with our son or around the house'

Well you may understand, but I don't. Someone needs to bring him to his senses.

[ladyalex]

Congratulations. Having a baby is wonderful, but also exhausting, even with help.
Is there any chance of getting your husband's mother to have a word with her son about doing a bit more...or at the very least not complaining about mess ??
Or, if not his mother another of his relatives or friends ? Or your relatives or friends.
Speaking to the midwife has got to be a priority too. Hope she's helpful.
Hope your husband comes out of his selfish, childish, I'm not being looked after any more because the baby's here now strop soon.

[B00]

Could you ask your health visitor to speak to him? Explain how childbirth can quite frankly knacker you out and that you need help?

I know you say he's a nice guy, but frankly he sounds a selfish git, who obviously wasn't expecting things to change once the little one came along.

[yinyang]

To put a little spin on things, i was in a similar position to your after my twins were born and looking back, most of the pressure came from myself. I felt constantly guilty that he was out working while I was at home and pushed myself to be the perfect wife/ mother - tidy house, meals prepared, shopping - i did it all. Because i didn't tell him how I felt he was quite happy to get spoilt like this and assumed I was happy too. Over time, through sheer exhaustion on my part, things started to slip and he started to moan about mess etc. Well, it all came to a head one day, he made some comment about the lunch dishes not being washed and i literally flew at him. After the ranting and raving had stopped we got a lot of things sorted out.
The biggest eye opener for him was when I went away for a whole day and he was left to deal with the babies from waking up to bedtime. made him realise that it wasn't so easy to keep on top of things and he had a lot more sympathy when things slid.
Is there anyway you could arrange to go out with friends for a day - if you're feeling up to it of course. Would probably do you some good and if you left a little list of things that had to be done e.g shopping, couple of loads of washing he would soon realise what you're up against every day.
Best of luck with it all, and congratulations with your new baby.

[puzzled54]

Congrats on the new baby! This def sounds like an occasion when a new granny would be able to help out - both with the practical side of things and giving your huband a good talking too.

[thingummyjig]

hi congrats, and you have my sympathy too; when i was having a post partum heomorrage (I cant spell it either!) I shouted to see if my husband had phoned for the ambulance yet; his reply? "I'm just ironing a t-shirt, then I'll do it!" MEN!