Am I a terrible person?

[rachaelchick]

I have a friend and he liked me as more than a friend for quite a while. He's a lovely boy and very good-looking but I didn't like him quite as much as he liked me, although I usually found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

One night, we were at his house watching television and we started to fall asleep next to each other when he tried to kiss me. I knew that I shouldn't have kissed him back but it was so hard to resist because he is everything that I would look for in a boyfriend, even though I couldn't imagine actually going out with him.

Guiltily, I enjoyed it and decided that maybe we could be more than friends. We told nobody what happened and for about a month, we stole a few kisses when nobody was around.

However, he got very quickly got very clingy. He wanted to be around me all the time and if he sent me text messages and I didn't reply within a certain amount of time, he would send me more messages to check that I was OK and gradually, I began to feel suffocated.

One weekend, he invited me and some others to his house and I told him face-to-face that I didn't think that it would be the best option for us to be a couple and that we should just continue with the friendship.

But, while this charade was going on, deep down I knew I liked someone else much, much more and I knew that I liked me too.

So, about one week later, the other boy and I were having fun at the wedding of a mutual friend and getting rather merry. We sat down with each other in a quiet corner and he put his hand under my chin, lifted my head up and whispered for me to kiss him.

So, I did and now we're going out, in a very happy, stable relationship that could have never been with the other boy.

However, my friend was obviously bitter when he found out that after just a week of me telling him that we shouldn't go out, I had a boyfriend and he was

[HJT40]

I don't think that you are a terrible person, you were just a bit confused. Sometimes we can misinterperate good friendship with something else because the friendship can be that good you don't see why it can't be something else. Unfortunately, you decided it shouldn't be and he decided it should be.

I can see why he would be upset as probably you could if you put yourself in his shoes.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

[andy-hughes]

I'd agree.


You haven't deliberately led your friend to think that there is a relationship there, and then taken it away again.

You need to have a talk with him. Explain that you don;t want him to be hurt, but you simply don;t feel that way about him in terms of a long-term relationship, and you know he will be hapy with someone else.

He may not see that right now, he may be bitter and angry, but hopefully your friendship will climb over this.

Be assured that you haven;t hurt anyone on purpose, this is all part of life's experience - it doesn't always tickle!

[HJT40]

Hello andy-hughes, good to see you on here and imparting good advice!

[rosiesunligh]

Something similar happened to me 6 months ago between me and a good friend (even though I and he are both happily married to other people). I guess I can understand how your friend feels as it was me who wanted to have a relationship with my friend but (I think) he decided really after about a month that he didn't want me after all. I persued him for a while with texts and invitations, but it is only now 6 months on, I think I have finally got the message.
He doesn't always reply to my texts, he works away a lot. I don't see him much. The other day at a party he virtually ignored me. I still want to be friends and I hope he does, if I can only get to talk to him properly again, even now I know there can be no romance.
It is extremely disappointing and upsetting for me as I had really fallen for him and I still get that funny feeling inside when I see him; but I would rather us still be friends above all.
Keep your friendship up with your male friend and he will eventually get the message like I did, that it was just one of those things and part of the big learning of life. He will get over you, but it may take time and you will have to be patient with him.

[tinglepie]

omg this poor guy. Cant you at least make him a cake or something to say sorry?

[rachaelchick]

Thanks :)

After reading your opinions, I must say I'm feeling better. I suppose after hurting someone, most of us would put ourselves under more guilt than necessary and I now see that, although I hurt his feelings, I didn't do it deliberately and I know that deep down, I'm not a terrible person. After putting myself in his shoes, I can understand how he feels and I am sorry but it just wasn't to be.

Anyway, the whole thing happened about three months ago and we have talked since and are beginning to start afresh with each other as friends.

I suppose I'm lucky to count him as my friend as he still invites me to places and still speaks to me and has a laugh with me. When I look at the big picture, this could have been worse. When it first happened, the guilt was overwhelming. Now, I feel much better.

We all make mistakes, right?

Anyways, thanks so much, you lot. You've been a big help :) x