he haS GONE!! ref.. do i believe him? post

[sheribeee]

Well we spoke this evening and had a long chat about our relationship of 11 years!! And i decided it best if we split up, not just coz i dunno whether to believe him or not but alot of stuff. And then he left to go stay with his mum. I am so sad now!!! And lost without the one man in the world that i would want to share everything with!!
What do i do?? stupid question but im a lost soul now!!
Life was boring, no sex, we were both depressed, the house needs work and is a mess, we never go anywhere do anything interesting.
And im a bitch to him, make him do everything my way, for me. I feel awful i have done this to him. I wish id never found the stocking and questioned his fidelity.
Now im alone with 2 young kids, and miserable.. with myself to blame!!

[puddicat]

My sheri amour, so sad most of us abers have been wanting to hear from you,i will not give any advice at this time cos i think you dont need it, just want to send my love to you keep strongxx

[Octavius]

Well you obviously had your reasons as you have listed. You should take some time out away from the internet to settle your mind and accept that you made the choice and carried it through. Boring, no trust, potential infidelity, depression.

That is a brave step and you are bound to wonder whether you have done the right thing. Just give it some time and focus on the children. It sounds like they have had a rough ride.

[cazzz1975]

well although you will miss him like crazy, your relationship sounded like it was in a rut before the break. focus on the kids and in time things will get easier

the loss your feeling is understandable after 11 years, but you can find happiness again, take some time out to work out what you want from life, more importantly make sure the kids are okay!

[sara3]

of course you're feeling this loss, it's still so raw. take some time to be yourself, do something you always meant to do and don't be so hard on yourself.

once you've both had some space to think you may find things will change.

we're all thinking of you x

[harryshaw]

oh sheri
i know the feelings as mine was closer to home

so how you feeling honey the first few days are the hardest

but you had to trust your instints as well

hope every thing works out for you and your children xxxxxx

chin up dear xxxxxxxxxxxx

[lajohn]

he'll be around to see the kids. make small talk with him, see if he shows interest. is he does that means he still care for you. try and work thing out with him.

in the mean time get a grip on yourself and clean the house for god sake. how can you have the kids living like that? no wonder he turned else ware. he's probably fed up living in filth and jump at the first clean place.

[puddicat]

Lajohn i actually liked you why spout this verbal bodily function!

[sheribeee]

I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest! The pain is so bad!! i just cant stand the thought of living without him! But when we r together i get bored, sounds so awful! then i sorta wonder what it would be like to b single again and have a life, i am so selfish!!
I think i just made the worst mistake of my life!!

[puddicat]

Sheri what you are missing is routine and cant see the future at this time, told you wasnt going to give advice you arent ready my darling,look to others if you feel the need!

[Rosetta]

As the others have said, it has taken a lot of heart searching to reach the decision you have and you are bound to feel it is a rench. Maybe some time apart will give you both the space to work out what is best for you all.
Have you any family or friends nearby that can give you some support? You need it and deserve it!
Don't blame yourself, it takes two when a marriage gets into a rut.
There are lots of people on here that you can talk to and who send their best wishes to you.
Take care and look after yourself and the children.

[lajohn]

puddiecat - i don't mean to upset. i'm on the outside looking in on sherribee's situation. my answer may sound harsh but why should i lie to sherribee and say the nice things she wants to hear and not to actually say how i understand or see her situation? i'm giving my honest opinion, i'm not looking to be liked.

some people, although they are quiet they are very observant. maybe sherribee's partner was waiting for the first opportunity to get out of the relationship because he was fed up with living the way in which he was. there are more than one sides, we got a glimpse of sherrybee's side, we don't know how her partner feels or what's going through his mind. suppose he was tired of their situation and planted the stocking just to make getting out easy? anything could be possible. after all none of us truly knows anything of their living or life.

[puddicat]

So right la john

[sheribeee]

lajohn... from my hubbys reaction and pleading with me not to end it, and the fact he was crying so much i think i can safely say he didnt want to split. He told me how much he loved me and how he saw our situation, and was honest with me about how he felt i treated him. I just hope one day he will forgive me for this decision.. right or wrong!!

[puddicat]

sheri i get the vibe that u love each other dont give up!!!

[unhappychick]

Ahh how awful for you, the good thing is, is that you both recognise where it has gone wrong, which suggests the option is there to patch things up and work on where it was going wrong, it sounds as if you were both in a rut, just taking eachother for granted, continuing with the day to day grind and not actually making any time for eachother....I hope you can work this out, would be a shame to throw it all away! Also one more thing...im sure he's feeling just as bad as you are, trust me!

[cazzz1975]

I think its different for men when break ups occur, for him its not just routine he loses, he will lose seeing his children every day and will have to adjust to living somewhere else.

[lajohn]

sheribeee - call him and arrange for you both to get some counciling or speak to your vicar if that's possible, and affordable. otherwise invite him over to talk things over. let him know out of hurt and anger you made a rash decision without thinking about his feelings, the children and the fact that you both love each other. and ask him to move back in.

[puddicat]

Morning Sherri hope things are a bit better this morning thinking of youx

[SHELLP]

Sherri

Go with your gut instinct I was in a relationship that was in a rut sex dwindling etc, We had a massive row and I tried to keep making it work 3 weeks later things went disastrously wrong and he is now in due in court and not allowed any contact. If it had ended 3 weeks before then we may have eventually been able to be friends in the future.
I felt exactly the same when with him wanted to be somewhere else now hes not around I miss him like mad but life is starting to get better I dont think of him every second of the day although still miss him like crazy but starting to realise it is the routing I am missing more than him.

Good luck