access to my boyfriends emails

[lil75]

My boyfriend, logged on his emails at my flat, my computer has automatically saved his password, and I couldnt resist taking a sneeky peek..however I have uncovered something I am really upset about. Im worried about telling him that I have looked, so I made up a lie and said that someone left me a voicemail anonymously telling me certain things about him (all what was in the email) he denied everything that I said, despite the fact I said I knew it was true and said to him dont lie to me, im not a fool....he still denied certain things, but its there in black and white and I know he is lying to me..I dont know how to tell him I have accessed his emails and blatently invaded his privacy, but Im sure he would do the same if he could, and probably most people would...I dont know how to deal with this?

[terambulan]

Lil75....is he an ABer.....put his emails on here so he and his emailer can be suitably whipped by us.

And ditch the feller......there are plenty of other lovely blokes here, more honourable and appreciative of a solid relaionship.

[lil75]

crying now, he just rung and admitted everything, but said how sorry he is and that it was in the beginning of our relationship and he felt confused, he also said that he loved me very much...Ive told him its too late and I mean it

[MiniN]

good for you lil75, don't go back there! he didn't even have the balls to come clean when you told him about the faux voicemail message...what a worm!

you're miles better off without him!

[lil75]

Thanks....im not anybodys fool and certainly not his, I feel like killing him

[4getmenot]

glad you did it and have hopefully got rid. If he is a cheat as you say you dont deserve that

[MiniN]

i'm sure he is not worth doing time for, however tempting it may be!

the best revenge is to show you don't care and move on with your life and have fun!

[lil75]

Thankyou, in all honesty I feel like my world has fallen apart, but ive been through worse than this in my time....ill get over it, im gutted

[4getmenot]

to find your rainbow you gotta put up with the rain

[andy-hughes]

I am sorry about this - and the result.

I'm not going to waste your time debating the rights and wrongs of how you got the information - that is done now.

Without knowing either you or him, I feel I'm on thin ice dishing out hard-and-fast advice, but i would ask you to consider this -

Your BF has been confronted and tried to hide his actions, stupid and pointless, but still human nature - that's not an excuse, it's an explanation.

Give yourself time to think about this - alone, and decide where you want to go from here.

Ignore him totally - the very least he deserves is to seriously sweat for a few days - and think about whether or not you, that's not you as a couple, but you as an individual - can climb over this, or not.

No relationship is over until you have gone through this process - you need to assess whether something that has been done, and gone, has hurt you beyond repair, and that is something only you will know.

The point is, you won't know, today, or tomorrow, or for a while yet. You need the initial shock and pain to subside before you get down to what you have, and are losing, and whether in the long run you cannot get past this.

The important thing is, if he is gone today, or gone in a month, he is just as 'gone', so don't rush into anything.

I am sure I join with my fellow AB'ers when I say that our cllective thoughts and sympathy are here for you at any time - so feel free to talk it over here if it helps.

I am so sorry.

A x

[Octavius]

I have to agree with IAP. If you don�t want to see what�s on a scary film you hide behind the pillow or the sofa. If you do watch it then you have to face the consequences.

It sounds like a relationship full of mistrust and lack of respect. The end was inevitable.

[B00]

not sure what this says about me then Octavius and IAP, as I know for a fact that if private stuff was left lieing around, i'd read it- I wouldn't be able to help myself, im too nosy not to!

Your honestly saying that if your partner kept say a diary, you wouldn't take a peek if you thought you could get away with it?

that being said, like andy has said- its done now, and like he says- we all wish you well lil :-)

[y-cymro]

If he said it was something that happened in the early days of your relationship - then there's a possibility of him being honest (to an extent) there.

But why has he kept the emails? I'm a bloke, and I know why I'd keep them.

It might hurt now to feel devastated, but surely the truth is better than living a lie and being made a fool of by him behind your back.

Take your time and try your best not to kill him

[Octavius]

B00, that says a lot about you!

No, in all honesty I would not peek � and I mean that truthfully. If I am tempted to peek then that would tell me that I lack trust and have no respect for my partners privacy. I have never had cause to feel like that, but if I did, then where would the relationship be going? I also rely on trust that my wife is the same as me.

[B00]

haha, yeah probably octavius! You know you love me though, I insist on it ;-)

[lil75]

Thankyou everybody and especially Andy Hughes, everything what you have said makes sense, and I am going to give myself the time to decide wether or not I can continue this relationship or not...the awful thing is, we have been getting on so well, and we were both thinking the same thing, about spending the rest of our lives together, and now this. I know I was wrong for looking, its an invasion of privacy, but ive done it now, and the consequence of that is our relationship is seriously on the line. I will no doubt be back on here later as im in despair

[andy-hughes]

You are very welcome lil75.

It is easy for us to sit on the sidelines and pontificate, but as I said, you need a clear head to work out your future. Come back any time - if you want my e-mail so we can 'chat' directly, it's yours if you post back.

[Octavius]

Forgive me, but I thought you said it was too late and you meant it?

B00, of course I love you, but don�t go peeking in my pants drawer, you may get a shock.

[EmEd1984]

lil75, just imagining how i'd feel if this was happening to me hurts you poor thing :( i can only say i'm sorry he's done this to you. think of the silver lining (if you can), you were talking of spending your lives together, imagine if you'd found this out later? better now then never, or when you were married with kids...

i think the claim that it was early on in the relationship is completely irrelevant - it only means he kept it from you all this time, so please please don't soften to the idea that that makes it any better, especially as he lied when you confronted him about it the first time, whose to say he's not still lying? i also don't think you taking a quick peek says you don't trust him either. you are NOT a bad person, you DIDN'T ask for this and you sure as hell don't deserve it, so remember not to beat yourself up about all this. the only thing you can do is make him feel half as bad as you by getting on with your life and enjoying yourself. you may not meant it at first, but trust me, you will soon xx xx

if all of that sounds rubbish, please ignore me...i just want you to know i've been through similar myself and a few months later i met my husband, he's the best silver lining i could have wished for. like 4getmenots post about rainbows - i couldn't put it any better.

chin up, lil75 x

[missspeedy23]

I know how you're feeling as the same happened with me and my hubby.

We used to work together and one of my jobs was to analyse the mobile hone bills, which he had one. Stupidly he had been texting the cleaner 300+ times per month which stuck out like a sore thumb. We went through the not trusting him stage, and rightly or wrongly I then had to check his phone bill every month to see if he was still texting her - he was. Then I found out about a few other girls he was texting which tore me apart. I didn't want to look in fear of what I'd find but couldn't help it.

I then found out that he'd gone to Prague with his ex for 4 days, 2 months into our relationship (he had lied to me numerous times saying he'd gone on his own) and that to him was a good enough excuse, and that he was confused over what he wanted.

I still find it hard now and it still plays on my mind 2 1/2 years into our relationship but I decided I still loved him so we got married. He's promised me he'll never lie to me again and I have to believe that.

If you think your relationship is worth saving then give it a go. You don't want regrets afterwards thinking "what if" if you leave him.

HTH and hope you sort things out

Jo
x

[jake-the-peg]

Not getting into any rights and wrongs but Infidelity is a lot more common than people think.

A study in 2002 estimated that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men have been unfaithful at least once.

OK that's in the US but I doubt the figures are much lower than that in the UK.

The point is that when you're told that there are plenty of other good men out there that will be faithful that may not be true.

But you haven't mentioned children and you're not married so it sounds like you're in a much better position to make a clean break if that's what you want to do.

But before you make life changing decisions you might want to talk to someone like Relate - I think they charge about �45 for an hour on the phone with a councillor

http://www.relate.org.uk/wantadvice/counsellin gbyphone/

I know answerbank's cheaper but we're not professionals