Mixed Emotions

[SHELLP]

Why do I feel so confused about my ex its been 9 weeks since we split up now and I cant get him out of my mind. He was violent to me and I have to go to crown court to give evidence against him.

I think about him all the time and what has happened and why, saw him last night drove past him but felt only hatred towards him but most of the time I regret what has happened.

Think he is seeing someone else but he is always drunk after 9 weeks I should be over him.

[voltr4m4x]

You know, any man who is physically violent towards a woman is basically a coward. Of the many occasions in the past I have dealt with cases similar to that which you are experiencing, so you are not someone alone.

The plain simple fact remains that you are displaying courage in standing up and giving evidence in the Crown Court against your ex for whatever reason it is which places him in the dock. It does seem that you have had (at some time) a loving relationship with this man in the past
and it is hard to dismiss him entirely from your mind. You have given yourself to him and that is no mean act which you can easily overcome or forget. It takes time, far longer than 9 weeks, and I might suggest that some professional counselling might help in the end, if you care to take that path. So, don't count yourself as being "someone on the outside looking in" - there is always help at hand somewhere...And do please remember - there are plenty of fish in the sea !

Ask yourself what it is that attracts you to this man at this stage. What is it that makes you feel a kind of regret over what has happened ? On reading your post it seems this man is nothing more than a no-good waster and you are better off without him !

Best wishes to you for a much happier future !

[SHELLP]

He has lost his job because of always being drunk he is blaming me saying I rang his employer and told them he was drunk (I didnt) they breathalysed him and fired him he is telling everyone this is my fault.

I cant believe he has got me in this state I know I dont want to go back to him but I have no closure to this matter I need to know why he hit me why he pulled a knife on me but cant talk to him to ask his bail conditions wont allow him any contact with me.

Why when I know I dont want him does it hurt to know he is seeing someone else?

[Velvetee]

Being with someone, who makes you feel worthless will eventually make you feel you don't deserve anything or anyone, so your abuser will, in a way become the person you look to for love and affection. You will become dependant on that person and the abuse and misery will become the norm.

You will naturally grieve for what is lost, afterall he was your partner and you must have had feeling for him at some time, you can't expect to just switch off those feelings overnight.

You probably now need to spend time recovering and rebuilding confidence and self esteem. Just concentrate on yourself so you become stronger and will not attract similar characters into your life again.

[voltr4m4x]

ShellP...

Try to think of it in terms of that fact that this man is now someone else's poison and you are shut of him !

As for the evidence you describe about his violence (or threats) towards you let the law take its course. Perhaps the truth will come out in the end as to who it was who "shopped" him in the first place. If it wasn't you then you have nothing to fear.

[SHELLP]

For 3 1/2 years we had a really great time then over the last 6 months he started getting nasty putting me down all the time telling me I was fat and ugly and no one else would ever look at me. When I had had enough of this and told him I was leaving he hit me and wouldnt let me out of the house. I cant understand why I feel so bad because I had decided it was over before all this.

Since splitting with him have been on antidepressants, sleeping tablets and seeing a counsoller I have lost 2 1/2 stone in 9 weeks because I dont feel like eating, I go out with friends a lot and have been getting attention from males. My friend says as soon as a man comes to talk to me I put a wall up. I am scared to talk to men and for some stupid reason feel guilty.

[Velvetee]

You are probably right to keep new men at arms length. As I mentioned before, you probably need to get yourself together, before embarking on a new relationship. Women who feel low tend to attract the types of men who will exploit their vulnerability.

Spend as much time with friends and family, start enjoying yourself again, have fun and build your confidence up again.

[lil123]

I have been split from my violent partner 18mths and I still feel I am not over him yet. It takes time and 9 weeks is a very short space of time.
Give yourself the time and go and talk to someone who can help you through it

[SHELLP]

HI Lil

Did your ex have to go to court? After 18 months do you still miss him? I dont want to go back but I know he has been seeing 2 different women in the 9 weeks and this hurts a lot especially as one is his ex and he called her allsorts of names and said how much he hated her, it really hurts that he can just move on after what he has done and can lie so easily to everyone about it

[lil123]

Hi SHELLP
Yes my ex went to court and denied everything he had done to me. He also took me for custody of out little boy but is only allowed to see him one hour a month supervised contact.
Now I have built a good life for myself and my little boy. I have a full time job a lovely 3 bed house and a lovely new boyfriend.
I saw my ex the other week and have no feelings for him what so ever now although he does for me.
I think he will always be abusive as he would never accept responsibility for his behavior. I would never go back to that life never ever now.
It is tough at first but once you are there it is fantastic.
Please believe in yourself and women's aid are great, I owe such alot to them x

[SHELLP]

HI Lil

Glad you have managed to turn your life round its good to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel even though it doesnt seem like it now, cant ever see my life getting better.

Did your ex get found guilty if so what sentence did he get?

[lil123]

The judge has made him be drug and alcohol tested before he sees our son and he is being made to have counseling but as for what he did to me he got nothing. The trouble is alot of what he did he did when no one was there so I had no witness but there was the odd times he did it in front of people.
Someone asked me yesterday if I would ever go back to him and I can honestly say never.
I have been tempted when I have felt really low but I kept on believing in myself.
As time goes on it gets so much easier and when you meet someone else it does too.
It's easier to identify unhealthy relationships as well that I will end as soon as I feel like that. I won't tolerate that anymore.
Get as much support that you can from people around you.
You can have my email address if you want to chat in private x

[SHELLP]

Lil

Thanks for your help would be great to email my address is [email protected].

I,m Finding it really difficult not to contact him I will be devestated if he does not get a guilty in court he is in for committal to crown on friday this week and I keep getting tempted to drop the charges.