Can you excuse Domestic Violence if you've mistreated...

[FEELINLOST]

your partner by lies, and generally being selfish in your relationship? Your thoughts please........

[MsEVP]

Feelinlost: you`re not listening to any of the wise replies you`ve got here! You`re just making excuses as to why you should stay with him. Face it.

[redcrx]

"but what if the abuser say's your hurting him emotionally and he feels he's been abused himself for what you've done"

then tell him that youll leave and spare him the "abuse" he claims to be suffering

[justmetoo]

get rid of him.....

[JustSia]

Reminds me of a Looney Tunes cartoon whereby a character offended feels justified to pull a gun, and then a bigger one, and bigger one, etc. Normally the result is bigger turns into mass scale destruction and both characters dangle of a single piece of rock left from the Moon. Moral of the story� those things tend to degenerate.

The guy has pulled a gun. However he dresses it up he is a sadistical maniac who will find any excuse to justify his behavior and is out to get you.

GET OFF THE BLINKING MOON!!!

S.

[sara3]

you call this a relationship?

please don't have children to try to fix it.

[cazzz1975]

its just the start of the emotional blackmail that is aimed at making you feel that you have caused his violent outbursts, he will continue this and eventually you will feel so worthless that you wont feel good enough for anyone else.you will also feel that you are such a bad person that he has to hit you so much.

leave, do not marry this person, ignore the crying and apologies, if he was a real man he would'nt hit you in the first place.

[jake-the-peg]

FEELINLOST

Did you read my earlier post?

Have you called that number?

Pease please please do so - there are people there who know all about these situations. They've helped lots of people just like you.

Do it - even if it's just so you can come back and say it wasn't any help.

Otherwise I'm just going to keep nagging and nagging and nagging.

Please call!

[Velvetee]

Feelinlost as practically everyone else has said here, there is no excuse for violence. The perportrator of this violence is themselves making excuses for this behaviour.

Yes I know it's hard to walk away from a relationship, especially if that relationship has lowered confidence and self esteem, but there has to be a time when the victim has to stop being the victim and say enough is enough and walk away.

[Tups]

This thread affects me to the core. My daughter was in the exact same position as you Feelinglost. She went through Hell and I ended up - at the age of 51, slim and healthy - having a heart attack because I, as her mother, couldn't cope with her suffering and her refusal to listen to all the advice, similar to all the advice given by your good friends here, given to her constantly by her friends and family. She really believed it was her fault! I wish I could publish a photo of her beaten-up face but I don't think she would want me to. After 2 years of abuse, both physical, sexual, verbal, mental, emotional, he ended up behind bars for it (and other criminal offences). Even then, she wrote to him in prison, apologising for putting him there!!! Luckily, by the time he came out, she had found someone else. But that's another story! He was another lowlife. She had such a low opinion of herself, she thought she wasn't worthy of anyone better. She has now grown up and, with the help of counselling and reading a couple of very good books, she is back on track.

I feel for you as though you were my own child going through it again. Have faith in yourself and break away. It won't be easy but, hopefully, you have friends and family who will be only too willing to help you ... x

[Schutzengel]

Feelinlost.
Please don't stick around. The situation is likely to degenerate further into something much worse than you are going through at present. Get out while you are still in one piece.

[FEELINLOST]

I hear you all, I really do & I am thankful for all your advice as you guys are the only people I can talk to.
I don't have a good relationship with my mum & that's not because of my current situation, its been like that since I was young & with my dad also.

Its just so hard as I even get on with his family and are very attatched to them.....I'm not making excuses its just I really need to think about what is really involved.....
Hope you all understand...........

[Tups]

Do his family know what's going on?

[jake-the-peg]

We are not the only people you can talk to


Call the Domestic Violence Helpline

0808 2000 247

It's 24 hours a day 7 days a week and there are people there for you to talk to.

What's it going to take for you to make a simple phone call?

Are you going to wait until you lose an eye?

[Bbbananas]

..been there.. done that...
It doesn't get any better; just worse.

There is no excuse for that sort of violence.

From someone who put up & shut up for too long - get out now. I did eventually, should have done it much sooner I can see that now.

I like JoggerJayne's advice - tw@t him with a pan; preferably a creuset. But that advice in itself is recommending violence, so perhaps not.... ?!!

Truly, Feelinlost, this will happen again & again - once they've done it & got away with it, that makes them feel secure in the knowledge that you will always forgive them, or even blame yourself. I forgave, but I will never ever forget, and neither will my kids. Go now.

[FEELINLOST]

His family doesn't know at all so like jake-the-peg said I will call Women's Aid as they are the only one's who can help.....thanks for all your advice

[doglady]

You can only be responsible for your own behaviour and how you treat people. If you have been selfish in a relationship and lied to your partner then that is your choice. It's not very nice.

If your partner has hit you, that is their choice and not your responsibility. And it's also not nice. And illegal.

Get on the phone to women's aid right now! They will go through your options with you and you can decide what to do.