How to be forgiven for cheating?

[avgeac]

My fiance and I have been together for over 2 years. We have been in a long distance relationship majority of that time. While state side I am the most loving faithful fiance. While away from him for a 4 month period where I couldn't talk to him and he barely emailed I got very lonely. I cheated on him twice. I know that I was wrong and I have apologized a million times. I have done a million things to try and get him to forgive me. He tells me that I have to ruin my life or the other mans life to truly be sorry. He tells me that I don't care and that I am not sorry because I ran into a little bit of a problem being able to get information about address' of the other man. He wants to beat him up and wants me to have him beat up or show up and report him. I am very sorry and I will do whatever it takes but I don't know how to get this guys number or address. I deleted it when I was with my fiance again and apologized like crazy. I want this to work I just feel like I am so stuck and nothing I do is right. I am not a bad person and I would never cheat ever again, I have nothing to gain and everything to lose.