Ladies am I just over reacting?

[Velvetee]

Am I just being Paranoid and argumentative? My Fiance comes into contact with a variety of females through work, who he has added on Facebook. He often chats to a couple of them in the evenings on the site and they tend to tell him all their problems.

For the past few weeks, he has been keen to attend a 40th Birthday party of one of these women. I didn't want to go, as I didn't know her. Anyway, I was pushed into going and when we got there, this woman, who's birthday it was, just blanked us, so we left soon after. I couldn't understand why he would want to go in the first place and now have it in my head that it must be because he fancies her.

The problem is, I don't think he should be engaging these women in conversation and allowing them to tell him their problems, as this means the working realtionship is moving onto another level. He doesn't chat to men online, just these women.

I have read the transcripts of these conversations and there is nothing of a sexual nature, (although one did slag me off a bit) they appear to be telling him their problems and he comes across as being a listner, adding advice here and there. I just feel he talks more in depth to these women than he does to me.

Am I just being oversensitive because I'm pregnant? Would other women feel the same as me?

[Huderon]

I meet my on line friends in real life for the same reason that you meet your friends ... because I want to and it's nice to meet friends now and then. What I wanted and expected from those meetings was some pleasant company, good conversation and light-heartedness, which is exactly what I did get.

Did I meet them on line in the first place - yes. And I've been chatting to them for a fair number of years now.

Why did I start chatting and making friends on line ? Because we all need some close friends, and I'd spent a long time not being in contact with my close friends from before I was married.

I did tell you that, at the time I got married, most of my friends were women not men. And when I say friends I mean friends, not girlfriends, not lovers or occasional lovers as well as friends, just friends who happen to have been women. Do you get upset if your man says he's going out for a drink with the lads ? Possibly not, but if he said he was going out for a drink with the girls I'm fairly sure you would not be amused. Why would my wife be any different ?

Do I chat to men on line ? Sometimes, but I prefer the company of the female of the species. I fyou really want to know why, just ask and I'll explain it.

Does my wife chat on line ? No - she prefers to talk to real people in real life. Would it bother me if she was chatting to an occasionally meeting men ? No, because I trust her completely.

Finally, I get the feeling you are not convinced that it is possible for a man to have female friends who are just friends. The bad news is that they can, just as women can have male friends who are friends and nothing else. Not that I think you'll believe me, but that's not my fault :-)

[Velvetee]

I expect men and women can just be friends, however, this has not been my experience. Any male friend I've had, always turns out to have another motive, usually sexual. At some point they will start their rubbish, suggesting things are taken further, which does inevitably end the friendship or makes me very wary of them.

If this is my experience, then surely there are many other men out there who have the same ideas when they befriend women (incidentally, I'm not accusing you of this Huderon)

Everyone has a different outlook on life and although I have online "friends" who I've known for many years, long before I knew my Fiance and have met them previously, I would not meet any of the ones I've not already met, as I feel this would be inappropriate and insensitive to my partner, as I would not like it if he went to meet a complete stranger off the net.

Lil, I get what you are saying. Obviously they don't like it when the boot's on the other foot, so hopefully your other half will undersatnd how you felt.

[Huderon]

Well at least we have one point in common ! A few friendships in the past have ended because the lady wanted to take things beyond friendship and I wasn't prepared to go there. But apart from that, boundaries, usually unspoken, have been set and respected. I can also agree that there are a lot of men who have ulterior motives when seeking friendship with women

We have three sets of friends, mine, my wife's and ours. I learned the hard way that having friends who are yours is important, no matter how good your relationship is. As I prefer female friends, I keep things on line with occasional meetings in real life. Her real concern is that someone might take what I say too seriously and make a move on me. It won't happen, but nothing I can say will make her think otherwise, so I do my best to minimise her concerns.

I refuse to accept that once you are in an relationship you shouldn't make new friends ... what about the other parents I and my wife have met through the children going to school ? Are they not allowed to become friends ? And if they are permitted, why not other people as well ? My wife has made new friends since we got married. Am I not allowed the same option ?

I happen to have used the net to meet and get to know some new people. That's no different to meeting new people at or through work, the pub, a club, the gym ... anywhere in fact. If you think otherwise, I'll agree to differ :-)

[WiseOldSage]

I know I wouldn't be happy - purely because if he is listening to their gripes is he sharing his problems with them rather than with you? It all sounds above board if you are seeing the evidence. To be honest I don't think men share their problems the way women do so it is unlikely that he would be chatting to them

[redcrx]

hi velvetee,
has he always been like this? if so have you been as put out by it as you are now.
The older woman may well fancy him, but that doesnt mean anything, hes only just proposed to you and youre having a baby, that should tell you a lot.
also, being pregnant does alter your feelings. When im expecting i do get a bit emotional and need reassurance that alls well with my relationship, but it really is just my hormones (they can be a real pain at times lol).

[joet75]

the woman at the party prob fancies him. she wouldn't have liked you there would she? some blokes don't talk face to face easily and this online stuff's way easier. not that women tell me their problems but i don't think you've anything to worry about. congrats for the baby.

[alishalexy]

No your not paranoid, your pregnant, thats when men start to look around, they are secure and bored. They seem to think a bun in the oven nails the women down she can't leave anyway or follow them.
Women and men flirt at work its a fact, taking it home, going to partys. I would go with him and check out these women. If hes invited so are you. Put your foot down or get out now while you can. Make your mind up and stick to it never look back. You can't hide in deniel now.

[alishalexy]

Telling your husband a women has a crush on him is a big mistake. Men never get put off infact its flatery to their huge ego's. You probly made his day. If he fancied her and hadn't approached her you gave him the signal that he might not be shot down if he made a pass. Learn the rules of the game.
Where I come from men go jelous over a women/wife having a friendship with other men especially if it don't involve them. So naturally the men don't have friendships alone with other women. They make sure wify is always there to not only give reasurance about their intentions but to protect their own image also.