Getting too close to the Boss

[JOzzie]

I've got myself in a mess. Nothing sexual's happened with my boss and me but I want it to. I met him through friends and made a job happen with him. I knew he was married, even if it wasn't happily. I put myself close to him so I could be there for him as a shoulder to cry on if he needed it. I thought he'd leave his wife and we'd get together. He did leave her because she's vile and treats him like dirt. He was sad and down in the dumps and I came on to him. He turned me down flat and now he's gone back to her. We can hardly talk to each other and I've ruined everything but I don't want to resign. I can't sleep or eat and I don't know what to do.

[JOzzie]

Stonemonkey. I didn't want him to turn me down.
Evedawn. Thanks. I did wait till he was away from his wife. There's no promotion in my job. I could find higher pay somewhere else doing the same work.
Sallabananas. I know he felt something for me. We were so close and now it's ruined.
Sqad. I'm not moping I'm hurting. My chest aches.
Obnoxious. We talked today. He wants me to think about leaving.
Nosha. I've loved him for ages. Yeah I was wrong to put myself in his life and get the job. I can't help loving him.

[JOzzie]

I'm in my 20s. I made a stupider fool of myself by crying when we talked today. I love my job and him. I know he wanted me I didn't imagine it. If he leaves his wife again I want to be there for him. I know he didn't leave her for me but he might love me one day.

[Lakitu]

You poor thing, I feel your pain, I really do xx

If he says he wants you to think about leaving, then you really should. It will just end up a long and painful process of him playing the HR rules and getting you out one was or another, which will be worse for you.

[Lakitu]

He won't sweetheart, I've been there, done that and got the T shirt, he won't suddenly start loving and wanting you.

[obNOXious]

All very true i'm afraid JOzzie.
If the man is enough of a prat to want you to leave over this, then he's realy unworthy of you and you'd be well advised to consider it.
Sensible adults should be able to put this sort pof thing behind them, if they can't ( and he apparently can't) then it shows a degree of immaturity on his part.
Please give yourself room to be loved by someone more suitable and more worthy of you.

[Bbbananas]

I feel for you too - I am sure you think you love him, but one day you will realise that it was just a crush - an infatuation. Most of us have had one - and it is painful when feelings aren't reciprocated.

I wouldn't want to be your age again unless I 'know what I know now' - and that just isn't the way is it - life is learning from painful experiences. We get over it and we move on - you will too.

[JOzzie]

Lakitu. He's lovely, really lovely looking and lovely to talk to. He's a good boss and I thought working for him would get me spending more time with him and something would happen. I can't resign. It would kill me.

[Lakitu]

Salla's right, you will move on. I'm not saying it isn't tough, because it IS, but we do eventually move on.

If you have a choice between resigning and having the Company go through the motions to sack you, what would you prefer? Surely you don't want the further humiliation of being sacked? xx

[JOzzie]

He won't sack me, he told me that. He was kind when we talked and that's what made me cry. He says me leaving might be easier for me and he doesn't want to cause me any upset. He was flattered that I like him but he's not right for me and even if he leaves his wife he won't be in another relationship for a long long time.

[Bbbananas]

Well there you go then - he's trying to be honest in the kindest way he can.

You need to back off before you make a fool, or a nuisance, of yourself. It is painful but you have to direct your attention elsewhere.

[JOzzie]

But it hurts so much and now I'm crying again. I don't want him to catch me with red eyes again.

[bemore]

If i was in your shoes id wait for a quiet moment and get you and him alone.

Talk about the time you came onto him, tell him you regret it and you dont want to feel arkward and can you be friends.

I know it will take LOADS of guts to do it, especially if you still have a few feelings for him, but think of what the outcome will be. You will feel loads better and you can work without tip toeing around.

You gotta think you may work about 40 hours a week, thats 2080 hours a year. Do you really want to spend that many hours feeling uncomfortable????

So basicly you may have to face up to the fact that getting another job is a possiblilty.

Whatever you decide, good luck with it.

[Bbbananas]

Well said bemore; good advice (and from a man too!).
Only joking - nice to see we didn't put you off posting yesterday.

He's right Jozzie. Clear the air and please try not to get so upset - you are so young with a whole life and lovelife ahead of you - who the hell said it was going to be easy? x

[bemore]

Ok in the time its took me to write my post, you have allready talked about it lol.

He has obviously said he doesnt want you, so you really do have to face up to that. I know its hard and at the minute you may not want anyone else etc etc etc, i anit gonna lecture you on the obvious, but you know what Im saying.

[JOzzie]

I tried to clear the air. I can't lie and say I don't love him. I spend loads of time with him and today's the first day he's avoided me. It feels like that. He used to smile at me and now he hardly looks over. My heart's in pain.

[JOzzie]

Bemore. What if he wants me one day and I've gone? I can't even think of him with anyone else. He says I'm too young to understand a lot of things including complicated marriages. He says I'll find someone younger than him who hasn't got baggage. I don't even know what he means.

[cazzz1975]

I think if he would have wanted you he would have reciprocated, instead he has not, maybe you have to consider that you have been a bit optimistic at the "signs" he has been giving out, maybe he was nice and friendly because he classed you as someone he could talk to.

He still obviously loves his wife despite everything as he is trying to get things on track, without knowing his wife's side of the story its wrong to assume she is vile. for the sake of his kids I think you should stay out of it and maybe look at dating a single guy instead. you may feel like he is the only one but you will find that you can feel the same way about someone else as well. put some distance between you and try to forget about him

[JOzzie]

Cazz. She is vile. She hits him and he has bruises on his face sometimes. He's lovely and he doesn't deserve that.

[cazzz1975]

there must be something that keeps him going back, if he has said no to you, you have to move on, he will not suddenly discover that he loves you.

you cannot see what goes on behind closed doors to be able to judge his wife

[JOzzie]

I know I'm young but I'd never hit anyone. He didn't lie about it. She isn't nice.