2nd date staying over

[dulcie12]

I went on a date with this guy for the first time laste week, tomorrow after going to see his friends he is coming over to watch a DVD. We have established that he is bringing his toothbrush but I don't know what I should do about sleeping arrangements.

Speaking to some of the ladies at work they said share my bed (just to sleep of course) but I am not so sure. I can't quite grasp hold of what he would like.

In a email I said "I don't mind what time you come over, I am easy", jokingly in response he said "I hope not I like a challenge", to which I said "I am defo not easy I am a bit old fashioned". His was response was "good I too am quite old fashioned."

I don't want to propose sleeping in my room if it's toally not on his cards and he is really old fashioned but I don't want to show him to the spare room and give the impression I am not interested. What do I do?

As previosly mentioned I defintely will not be "sleeping" with him.

Thanks

[eash]

Tell him it's a bit soon in the relationship for sex and make him sleep in the spare room.

[redcrx]

you need to decide how safe youre going to be, have you only known him a week.

when i met Mr CRX, we'd chatted online for months so our first date he came to mine, stayed til 2am then went home (didnt even kiss).
the next night i travelled to his and went to a party with him and planned to stay at his. All his friends (female) and his sister offered their spare rooms but i trusted him. We shared a bed and he kissed me goodnight and thats all.
It was weeks before we actually "slept" together

But, as i said, i already knew him for a while

[sqad617]

Why the question........both you and I inow that you are going to sleep with each other.

I hate the word "sleep" as it is a euphamism for "sex". Makes you feel less of a tramp if you " sleep" with him.

[Barmaid]

I had known my bf a bit when I invited him over here - although it was only the second date. I made it crystal clear that he was sleeping in the spare room - which he did no questions asked. It is not a sign that you are "not interested", it is a sign that it is "too soon". He spent many nights in my spare room before eventually making it to my bed.

If you are worried about him thinking you are not interested, why not just casually say that you like him, but he has to understand you would like to take things slowly. Then just be very wary of any heavy petting!!!

[sqad617]

barmaid....yeah! yeah!.... but is he the one that's gone back to Spain?.....................technique off target?

What is it with woman in that the first "time" is taboo?

[Barmaid]

Yes he has, but only for a few days. And if it wasn't for the fact that I don't have a current passport and had no time to sort one, I would be going with him!

[sqad617]

barmaid....let's simplify it shall we:
He wants it, you do not...............no sex

You want it , he doesn't (unlikely LOL).........no sex.

Neither of you want it...................no sex

Both of you want it....................SEX

Nothing to do with how many times that you have seen each other.

[Sammantha]

Hi there Dulcie12

Can I make a suggestion. It sounds like you really like this guy but you are already giving out signals that he can do as he pleases. Unless you want a guy to walk all over over, you need to be a little more sure of yourself. Just reading your message tells me that he can come over whenever he wants. You should make a firm time to meet so as he doesnt think he can come and go when he wants. For a 2nd date I think you should play it very cool or you could be asking for trouble. It would be way better to meet in a public place for a few dates, who knows what this guy really has on his mind???? What would you do if he pushes the boundaries or worse forces himself onto you? Please be very very careful and think of your own safety and by showing him your not an easy touch he will have much more respect for you
Hope that you understand that I only have your safety on my mind. Good luck
Cheers Samm

[Barmaid]

I don't think I need it simplified - I knew exactly what I wanted that night (ie no sex). however, dulcie is the one with the problem. It seems to me from her first post that she is more concerned with what HE wants rather than what SHE wants.

Dulcie - suss out whether you want sex or not and act accordingly.

And remember, men are essentially like carpets. Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for life ;)

[missnemesis]

Sammantha, my sentiments exactly.

[sqad617]

barmaid

"And remember, men are essentially like carpets. Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for life ;) "

LOL LOL LOL

[rangerjim]

How about an answer from a man! If you have only known this guy for a week don't even share your house with him, never mind your bed ! If you have known him for a good length of time you should be able to discuss sleeping arrangements without any embarrassment in an open way. Dont even offer the spare room until you reach that stage !!

[danchip]

this is turning into some sort of man bashing post, not all men are evil and only after sex whether consentual or not, there is a chance he may try and get heavy handed but how many women and men are raped outside after being on a date in a public place.

if you dont want to have sex with him just explain it to him, if he wants a relationship with you then you'll know and if he just wants you for sex then atleast you'll know before it gets too serious

if he cares about you he will respect your wishes and it'll make the relationship even stronger

[sqad617]

Oi! rangerjim.....what the bl00dy hell do you thnk I am?"LOL

"How about an answer from a man!"

[Barmaid]

^^^^^ lmao Sqad.

[JimmyCooper]

Right lol

As adults shouldnt you just go with the flow and what happens happens?

All this about not sleeping together on the first, second, third date whatever is a load of rubbish in my eyes

If you feel relaxed and at ease on the first night then do it.

Do you get prizes for not sleeping with someone "too soon".

[sqad617]

jimmy...........top marks........a sensible and realistic guy.......you are wasted on CB.

[rangerjim]

Genuine sorryness squad617 - if you'll pardon the pun I didn't make the connection !! Sorry !!

[JimmyCooper]

If i respect someone then i respect them end of

I just think the whole "oohhh I cant sleep with you until i really know" you is laughable, if you fancy someone then do it.

Its not like that making a bloke wait say 3 weeks before you sleep with him guarantees roses around the around the door of your cottage

[Sasha-2008]

I love some of the answers on here but surley everyone is different. In my eyes you can't invite a guy to sleep in your bed and not expect him to make a move even if the girl just wants to sleep and doesn't want any of the physical stuff.

But talking about when is it right to sleep with someone then thats a personal decision. If it feels rigth then just go with the flow.

I slept with my boy friend on the 2nd date even tho I said that I wouldn't coz I didn't wanna come across easy and to me sex should have meaning behind it. not just a quick one night stand. But at the end of the day it felt right so I did it.

there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to sex and staying over. just do what is right for you so that you are comfortable and have no regrets. Be honest with yourself and with him.

Good luck. x