Ultimatum 3 months before getting married!!!!

[God'sChild]

My partner and I are getting married in 3 months and lastnight he said if after a year of marriage I don't fall pregnant he will find someone else or get a donor!! Now this is a sensitive topic as he's 40 & I'm 29 and has wanted a child for sometime.We've had a rocky relationship, really up until today but yet he won't go for counselling!!! We don't use protection anymore & I even went to my GP back along & she said because I've been on the pill before, it might take some time plus she said she's not worried as I'm still quite young....He's checked his Sperm Count & its all normal too! He thinks I don't want a child with him as he feels I'm not doing anything about it properly.....but why can't he understand our relationship should be stable before we bring a child into this world! Am I being selfish or unreasonable? Any advice please -thanks

[ummmm]

God'sChild. Do you know how much damage domestic violence does to a child? I lived with someone who, although he didn't hit me much, when he did it was good hiding.

It's took my children years to realise not all men are like that and if you could have seen how distressed and hysterical they were you wouldn't dream of risking it.

How long has he been violent?

[Sir Alec]

Get out now before it's too late. I had a violent partner once. It put me off men for a very long time. If he's violent now, it will only get worse. He could even harm a baby. The news is full of stories like this.

[jojojojoanne]

if a person violent to someone do they even like the person who there dishing this out at/to?

[redcrx]

god'schild, have you posted under another username too?

[DEN53]

Get back on the Pill and then get shot of him - very swiftly .

[ummmm]

Yes they do jojojo but they tend have deep rooted issues and need control over that person. Fear is control....!!

[gossipgirl]

get out of this now while you still can, he is no good and you will never be happy with this ''man'', hes violent and hes telling you he is going to cheat on you, why on earth do you want to marry this animal, let alone have a child with him? Im not judging you as ive been in a violent relationship myself but seriously do you think you deservce this? do you think your child deserves this? Your young, you can start again and be happy. PLEASE DONT STAY WITH THIS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Schutzengel]

Godschild. Think about this. At the start of this relationship he was 28 and you were 17. He's been controlling you since you were 17, and being violent towards you. So how much have you seen of the real world outside this relationship, not much I imagine. It would appear that you have not had any opportunity to meet other men, many of whom are worlds better than the one you've got. Cancel the wedding and get out now while you can. Violent men do not change their ways, forget about babies until you find a decent man. Forget about guilt, your decision was right for you at the time. You have had a lot of good advice on here from people who have experienced being controlled and treated violently. I suggest you take their advice and get out now, or I'm convinced you will live to regret it.

[4getmenot]

Totally agree with schut

[brucie1996]

Married life is hard with a good one................it must be HELL with a bad one. Think long & hard it is not to late to cancel the wedding

[God'sChild]

Hello and thanks again for all your replys!

I'm back as I tried to discuss this matter with him & I said that we need counselling as I feel that we need to be stable ourselves before we think about having a child.

The topic of conversation drifted into stuff that happend in the past which I cannot amend now....I admited that I'd hurt him in many ways but all he seemed to do was blame me for stuff I'd done which he'd asked me not to do
(its complicated) ........in the end he said he doesn't need counselling as I am the problem - that I can go myself!

Apart from the baby issue I said he talks down at me when we discuss things or if I've made him upset/angry which I feel insulting.....he says that I've done stuff that make him feel the same too but he deals with it!!!! I said that I don't use insulting words & put him down.....but the conversation was going in circles.....later he said he doesn't want this relationship but yet repeated himself about the past & what I'm doing now.......this is a shambles.......

[brenda]

I think this man is a control freak, and you should forget the wedding and make plans instead to get out of this relationship.A baby will not make the slightest difference to your miserable existance, so break free whilst you can.

[redcrx]

so you were on here under another name then.

if so, read back over your other threads, if not, read every thread by "feelinlost"

[jno]

it doesn't sound like a shambles, it sounds like quicksand. You should get out right about now.

[gossipgirl]

get out now, hes controlling you, beating you, and putting you down. End of x

[Velvetee]

You would be pretty daft to marry him. Do you really think marriage will make things better and everything will fall into place? To give you an ultimatum like that is particularly selfish. Does he just see you as a baby making machine?

[God'sChild]

Hi Velvetee - I really don't think marriage will make things better.....yesterday he said he's had enough & got angry but the thing is he's said its over before so I'm not sure if he means it this time......

I did end up saying I will leave so I won't do things that make him angry/upset but then later said I will stay while I get counselling because he won't have it.....he did add later that if I Ieave I won't get away with all the hurt I've caused him & will tell our friends!!!!!
Thing is we're not talking & if I do find a day & leave he may react badly realising this is reality........

[Bbbananas]

Leave.
Leave him to it.
Leave him behind.
But don't take leave of your senses and stay with him. He makes threats and tries to control you.

[janbee]

leave now, today, right away, don't delay...