selfish man?

[mimi44]

been living with partner for 3 1/2 yrs, We have no kitchen sink, no bathroom sink no hot water apart from shower, no heating, no cooker except microwave and 2 ring portable hob. Oh and the roof leaks in the bedroom big style! for the last 7month he has been renovating his sons house, his son and partner do have a baby on the way, but he seems to think its his responsibility to finish their house, when i get angry about this he says i'm the one who's selfish. Help, what to do?

[Huderon]

He is obviously able to do all the things that need doing, unless he's making a right hash of his son's place. So tell him you have no wish to like in a tumbledown house, and that he can either do what needs doing at yours or you'll start calling plumbers and builders to do the work, or that he'll come home one day and find that you've left.

And for what it's worth, you are not the one who is selfish

[tamborine]

poor man is ultra busy setting up his sons home.......give him a hand and call in plumbers/fitters to fix up your home; they'll get their money off your OH.

Dont leave your home....get it fixed to suit you.

[Androcles]

Whose house was it in the first place? If it was his, why move in with a guy who does not even have the basics of a house. If it was yours, were you hoping he'd fix it? If it was a joint decision, you must both be mad taking on a place with no proper facilities.

Anyway the best way to get his attention is to start doing the work yourself. It doesn't matter how bad a job you do and I know you will say you are no good at it, but it will get him saying "For Funks Sake, don't cause any more chaos, I'll fix it!"

[TTG]

Could he not split the time? Maybe two days at his sons and two at your place? Could your friends or his recommend a plumber for the heating, hot water and sinks?

[karenmac60]

Did he leave his son's mother? Maybe he feels guilty for not being a better father and he's trying to make up for it now by going that extra mile for his son now that the son has a baby on the way. Try talking to him rather than arguing about it and maybe come to some sort of agreement on timescale when he stops working on their house and starts on yours.

[zzxxee]

can you not do some of the d.i.y???? i couldnt live like that your a braver woman than me!!!!!!

[society]

you make it sound like you're living in a cardboard box. i like tamborine's idea.
no hot water, no kitcken sink What The Funicular. you do have patients and must love this person loads and loads

[Whoever]

I think your partner needs to get his priorities right. And if fixing his son's house is his priority while you live in an absolute dumpt, that rather tells you where his priorities lie, doesn't it? If this has become a major issue with you, sit down with him and agree a timetable for getting essential work done to your home. If you and your needs are so low down on his agenda that he's not prepared to do something about it, I'd seirously think about moving out and into some other accommodation that suits your needs.