Sex life

[mrs-astley]

I've been with my partner for 4 years, we're both in our early 40's. Our sex lifehas never been brilliant but has now hit rock bottom. The problem is he prefers to please himself rather than make love. On average i'd say we get together once every 6 to 8 weeks but I have found out so many times that he is pleasing himself on a much more regular basis. He now admits to it and wonders himself if he has a problem. We have split up so many times and he keeps promising things will change but they don't. He is loving and affectionate and I am absolutely certain there is no one else, when we met he had a huge bag of porn which I made him throw away but I don't have a problem with porn and have bought stuff for us to share to spice up our sex life which he likes. He has turned me down so many times, yet in my job I get compliments all day from men and he says he does find me attractive and thinks I'm sexy. I just don't get it, this is crunch time, I can't live with him like this anymore.

[ummmm]

Sounds like he's lazy. It doesn't take much effort to please yourself.

[snags]

Sounds like he's addicted to the non-committal, easy relief that porn and masturbation provides.

[sara3]

I think he's insecure. he knows he can please himself but maybe he's unsure that he's good enough for you. have you considered psycho-sexual counselling?

[ummmm]

And still gets the cuddles after....!!!

[mrs-astley]

That's his excuse, exactly, even in bed I have to do all the work and he apologises for it. But he's not lazy with anything else in life.

[mrs-astley]

I asked him last night if he thinks he has a problem, he said 'maybe' but I know for sure he would not talk to anyone about it.

[ummmm]

'maybe'

An excuse not to change.

[sara3]

really? would he rather lose you than talk about it?

[beejay1124]

haha - no k ^

[mrs-astley]

Yes I think he'd rather burn alive than talk about it with anyone. In my experience of men they like talking about masturbation but to him it's like something that he does and no one knows anything about, it's as though it was drummed into him as a child that it is a bad thing.

[sara3]

then you're a bit stuffed.. you either have to accept this is how he is, or move on.

how will you feel after another 4 years of this?

[secsee1]

Take him in hand yourself

[ummmm]

And doing all the hard work in bed. I couldn't put up with that.

[mrs-astley]

'Take him in hand myself' Believe me if there is a trick in bed I haven't tried i'd like to know about it. At my age you may guess I have had a little experience of men and I have never met one I couldn't 'take in hand' but he says no one can please himlike himself as he's the only one that knows how he likes it. I've encouraged him to talk to me and guide me in what he likes.

[ummmm]

Is he a prude?

[mrs-astley]

Yes, until you put on a porno. He doesn't make rude jokes and as much as i've begged him he connot send me a dirty text.

[ummmm]

Sounds like a deep rooted problem then.

Do you have children at home?

[mrs-astley]

No Children.

[ummmm]

So if you walked into the living room naked while he was watching telly....what would his reaction be?