differences between friends

[karma22]

What do you do if you have a friend but you think stuff that she believes in is stupid etc. How do you deal with it when they are talking to you about it? Do you just agree with them, are you very blunt and just say you think its a load of crap or do you pretend you are interested?

For example: - someone I know is a bit of a swot, likes doing courses and studying but she isn't actually on much better money than I have been (in my previous long term job anyway) and she is 10 years older than me. I tend to think that qualifications do help sometimes but she is very much the sort of person who is very good with courses and educational study but lacks a bit of common sense.

When she is talking to me about her courses or whatever, how am I supposed to deal with it?

[Sachs]

Hi karma,
does the money aspect matter? Not being confrontational, just want to know your thoughts?

[ummmm]

I think it's good common sense to go on courses.

Not much you can do. If her life is about doing courses then that's all she'll really have to talk about.

Change the subject...

[karma22]

I just think that with all the qualifications she has got she isn't really in much of a better position than me and I tend to think that these sort of boffin people usually lack common sense and I think its a load of rubbish that she spends all this time studying for stuff. She'd be better off getting proper working experience as she is stuck in a job that she wants to get out of but isquite naive, sensitive and I think she would benefit more from gaining more real life experience rather than text book crap.

I'm just wondering, how should I react when she talks to me about her studying, I'm pleased for her because she enjoys it but at the moment I just pretend that I think all this studying she does is a good idea, but to be honest I think its a load of bulls doo doos.

[ummmm]

Maybe money isn't important to her.

[jackthehat]

I'm surprised that she can get a word in edgewise..................

[Sachs]

Hi karma,
you should talk to her in a non judgemental way, you don't have to agree with her if you don't see things her way. Let her know your thoughts but in a tactful way. We all do our own thing dont we x

[tamborine]

Hi karma....let her have her dream if you want to keep a friend - you dont have to agree but lots work for satisfaction rather than most money.

[karma22]

I'm actually the quietest person you could probably meet unfortunately! :-)

Well her studying is good for her because she enjoys it and I think thats why she does it more than for a qualification to be honest.

I just wondered how am I supposed to react when she talks to me about it, should I tell her I don't think studying necessarily gets you that much further in life or should I just say I think its good you do studying because you really enjoy it.

[ummmm]

How about suggesting she does something with all the studying....

[Sachs]

Probably the latter karma. Why do we make the choices we do? Cause we're all individual at the end of the day! Individual is nice isn't it! :0) x

[tamborine]

Say "great, I wont disturb you" and insert your earphones.

[karma22]

Yeah cheers Sachs thats the sort of answer I was looking for. I don't really know how to be tactful so I normally just pretend that I'm interested and would never want to hurt her feelings. I know that different people enjoy different things and believe in different things. When I come across people that have different views I normally just agree with them rather than state my opinion in case I hurt them but I would like to be able to state my opinion but nor hurt them at the same time. So it seems I need to learn how to say things tactfully :-) x

[karma22]

She's quite the opposite to me. She is really scheduled and I'm not. I need more of a schedule and she needs a less rigid schedule. She reads books on how to sleep better, I just tend to think just use common sense. She likes to drink a certain amount of bottles of water a day as its healthy, she likes to count calories as its healthy, she likes to eat a certain amount of grapes as its healthy (no joke she counts them out) and I just like to be more relaxed about things, I don't eat five a day, I don't go to the gym, I don't count my calories and I don't eat five fruit or veg a day but I am healthy enough. (Perhaps she is a lot more healthier on the inside though :-s)

I just need to be tactful. I don't agree with all that she does and she probs doesn't agree with all I do (well I know she thinks I eat too much chocolate and I do but I'm not gonna stop and start counting grapes instead :-))

[Sachs]

karma,
yin & yang eh? I have a friend like this too! I don't agree with everything she does, but she shines and has special qualities & is a lifelong friend. She holds values I dint have values in & vice versa. I'm sure your friendship is probably the same?

[Sachs]

'don't'

[karma22]

Yeah she has great qualities too of course. She is really caring, always makes you smile if you are feeling down, really understanding of situations. Her bad parts are she can be quite patronising and condescending in the way she talks to you, she gives you too many ideas of how to do things in life when all you really want is someone too listen and understand.

[Sachs]

Ah right!
You should always have an input! Shouldn't all be one way, that would be overbearing!

[karma22]

Yeah you're right. I'm not very good at this communicating malarky! Especially communicating tactfully! Do they do a course in it I wonder lol! Thats a course I definitely need to take haha.

Thanks Sachs.

xx

[Sachs]

My humour can get me in to trouble karma, sometimes take it too far & people take it wrongly even though I've not meant to cause offence!

[karma22]

Well I'm more likely to be too afraid of hurting someones feelings that I don't bother cracking a joke at all. I'd rather just relax and not worry so much like you as like you I would never intentionally mean to hurt anyone.